Relationship Predicament.... Do I Want One?

[BONGO]

OK, i was single for aaaages, then met a girl (2 years ago). We went out for 18 months, but it kind of went tits up and she dumped me cos she had about 10 million problems and couldn't deal with a relationship... Then we got back together becasue i couldn't move on and put it to rest without trying again.... That time, i wasn't happy and ended it. There was nothing major, but there was tiny things here and there, and just the way she was, that really hurt me and lost a lot of trust in a partner for me.

I've been single since June, and never been happier. I have said time and time again how i don't want a girlfriend and i love the way life is now etc etc, and it's all the honest truth.

Then i met a girl on saturday, and haven't stopped thinking about her since, We've talked for at least 4 to 5 hours each night since, and i know she likes me too.

I'm just having a problem now wondering whether i actually want to be in a relationship. Sounds strange, but i amhaving trouble putting all my faith into her knowing the pain if she breaks my trust. She Is, depite being 22, in her first year in Manchester Uni, and i'm worried about the Uni lifestyle too. I know trust should take over there, but when you trust someone so much and they break it, How do i do it again?????

Plus she lives, not too far away, but a good half hour drive, which don't sound like a lot, but it's on my mind. Uni is an hour away from mine too.

Sounds like it should be easy i suppose, loads of things in my mind scaring me off. But i can't get her out of my head. I'm turning into kylie

I've only been in love once, and i'm finding its tough to fall in love for the second time....

Help!!

bongo

[crazy_gap girl]

Go for it, you will only just regret it if you don't.... life is short

[Orgun_Donor]

Go for it, you will only just regret it if you don't.... life is short

She speaks the truth, if she is in your head, there is a reason for it. The worst is over with, though more you trust gets broken the easier it is to get over it(i know from extremely recent events). Do it the worst that can happen is you go back to being single and being happy again, the best that can happen is you fall in love and get even happier!

[trialsalot]

yeah i had this problem and we were on an off 8 times in 7 years lol

I FEEL FOR you BONGO!tis such a difficult situation.

craig

[F-Stop Junkie]

I know this sounds flippant, but what's really at risk here? If things go wrong, then you don't see her again, and you move on.

However, the concern about getting hurt is a very real fear. It's the same as trials though, doing a gap just after you've broken your chain. It's about confidence, and trust, and building that up. Relationships are just that, a back and forth relationship between two people, and they need time to build, time to gain trust in each other.

It's a risk and reward situation. If things go well, you have happy times together and maybe it does end down the line, but you don't know until you get there. You can't tell, until you've spent at least some time together, and if you're lucky you might never break up...

[anzo]

Trust is a stupid thing. I trust certain people, and I imagine they trust me too. But how many things have you done that you wouldn't want them to know about?

Anyways, off the point. Personally I'd do it Bongo, does she make you happy? Seriously consider it, better of a mate forever, a girlfriend (maybe) for a bit.

About the whole trust thing with her going to uni, I wouldnt worry about it. I'd say its pretty normal to not trust people that easily, trust is earnt. I can honestly say that I've never trusted any girlfriend I've had, but I trust mates a hell of a lot, which to me seems right as I'm not with any of those girls anymore because they breached the so called 'trust'...For example If someones missus on here went to the pub with a load of lads...they'd hate it. They won't admit they don't trust her...but if they trusted them it wouldn't be an issue.

Meh, shit happens mate, its behindddd you (pantomine style). She makes you happy so go for it whilst you still can and whilst theres nothing to hold you back. I wish I were in your shoes now, as do a lot of people.

[Simpson]

It's the same as trials though, doing a gap just after you've broken your chain. It's about confidence, and trust, and building that up.

This made me laugh so much because when walking my dog i was thinking "wouldnt everything be so much simpiler if it was explained in terms of trials....." and here it is..... trust your new chain??? (notice the pun as well)

[BONGO]

cheers for your replies!! It's strange init! I guess becasue i never did uni, but then everyone knows stories about the lifestyle, it just plays on my mind a little more than it should. We'll see how things go anyway.

Cheery O.

bongo

[anzo]

but then everyone knows stories about the lifestyle

You watch too many 'University Sluts' videos mate.

[plainlazy84]

The whole University lifestyle thing does tend to get blown out of proportion. Yes there are those that go out to pull every night but then thats not exclusive to uni students its exactly the same for any Friday/ Saturday night crowd. More people than not that I know are actually nothing like that and many of them (including myself) have managed to hold down serious relationships whilst at uni. If she is 22 then I would have thought she must be a lot more mature and steady than the majority of 18 year old uni students straight out of college? I honestly think those few years make a big difference. I wouldnt let the fact shes going to uni put you off. See how it goes

[Waynio]

go with the flow, meet her and see her a few times, and see how she reacts to it. its like test driving a car, getting to know how she drives before you buy,but the good thing is you dont have to buy, you just see how things map out. if shes keen she will probably be keen to keep you coming back for more.

i was the same Bongo, got out of a relationship, just chilled out and had a good time, then met someone, and sort of liked her company, still with her now and shes great, you just gotta make sure that they feel the same before you jump in the deep end, let them commit 1st the trust thing, once youve had it broke once its hard to have it back fully. you just gotta hope the next one is different to the previous one.

Waynio...........................

[plainlazy84]

its like test driving a car, getting to know how she drives before you buy

[poopipe]

blah blah - what everyone else said... etc.

poopipe's rules of love...

never have sex expecting a relationship

never have sex expecting to not have a relationship

never enter a relationship expecting it to last forever

never enter a relationship expecting it to end immediately

never expect her to stay faithful during the relationship

never expect yourself to stay faithful during the relationship

following these rules will ensure that you're never disappointed - in fact you'll be pleasantly surprised more often than anything else

edit::

but yeah - in essence. go for it - if you're following those rules what harm can it possibly do?

Edited December 21, 2006 by poopipe

[Davey]

blah blah - what everyone else said... etc.

poopipe's rules of love...

never have sex expecting a relationship

never have sex expecting to not have a relationship

never enter a relationship expecting it to last forever

never enter a relationship expecting it to end immediately

never expect her to stay faithful during the relationship

never expect yourself to stay faithful during the relationship

following these rules will ensure that you're never disappointed - in fact you'll be pleasantly surprised more often than anything else

edit::

but yeah - in essence. go for it - if you're following those rules what harm can it possibly do?

He's so wise

Davey

[br3n]

Theres no point lying to you, chances are it will go tits up and you will end up getting hurt or it wont work out, but then again theres always the chance that it wont and it could have been the biggest mistake of your life.

Why not go for it and get a definate answer instead of looking back and thinking what if?

[munkee]

cheers for your replies!! It's strange init! I guess becasue i never did uni, but then everyone knows stories about the lifestyle, it just plays on my mind a little more than it should. We'll see how things go anyway.

Cheery O.

bongo

depends on the uni..... if she went somewhere like my uni.. loughborough.. i wouldnt trust one bit its like 5 to 1 ratio so they can pick who they want. If she went to nottingham.. prolly the other way round.. would be scared she turned in to a dyke.

blah blah - what everyone else said... etc.

poopipe's rules of love...

never have sex expecting a relationship

never have sex expecting to not have a relationship

never enter a relationship expecting it to last forever

never enter a relationship expecting it to end immediately

never expect her to stay faithful during the relationship

never expect yourself to stay faithful during the relationship

following these rules will ensure that you're never disappointed - in fact you'll be pleasantly surprised more often than anything else

edit::

but yeah - in essence. go for it - if you're following those rules what harm can it possibly do?

You ever cheated on your mrs? or vice versa?

[poopipe]

You ever cheated on your mrs? or vice versa?

lets just say I've been pleasantly surprised

[BONGO]

lets just say I've been pleasantly surprised

if i cheated on someone, i'd... well, i dunno what to say actually. I just wouldn't i know it. And if they cheated on me, i'd say bye bye. Just cos its a modern world doesn't mean a relationship shouldn't be 100% faithful...

[ogre]

poopipe's rules of love...

never have sex expecting a relationship

never have sex expecting to not have a relationship

never enter a relationship expecting it to last forever

never enter a relationship expecting it to end immediately

never expect her to stay faithful during the relationship

never expect yourself to stay faithful during the relationship

sig'd

[Fish-Finger-er]

bongo, very similar situation except dont think ive been hurt, my longest serious relationship is 2 months, met a girl 6 weeks ago,right now, want nothing but her. she lives miles away, i could cheat on her and get away with it, but the fact of the matter is i dont want to, not cos i may get caught, because i generally dont want anyone other than her.

as for gettin hurt, yea u may, and probly will, but at the end of the day, if u dont get hurt,you never experience the happy times before the hurt, which in my eyes is worth it. if i got cut off now,id be proper cut up, but id never think"hey maybe i shouldnt of bothered in the first place".

jst go for it.

[Luke Williams!]

yawn stop being so insecure and enjoy yourself with the ladie, if shit happens get rid if not its all gravy dont let crappy little things play on your mind or it only gets worse and the uni lifestyle isnt as bad as some people make out, if she's a nice lass relax an let it flow.

because one girl does it doesnt mean another will.

[Tommy d]

Another vote for 'go for it'. (I feel a little odd voting for your love life but there we are)

If you don't, you might find yourself wondering a few years down the line 'So where's this girl that I'm going to settle down and spent the rest of my days with...' and it might have been her. You can't tell yet but it has to be worth a try.

[RobinJI]

Hey. I am very much in a similar situation, but about 6 months on from where you are.

I was with a girl for 13 month, stupidly happy, didn't want anything in life to change kinda thing. Then she ends it for some dick head unexpectedly (who in the end screwed her over worse). Any-way. About 5-6 months down the line, I met this girl, was just how you are, couldn't stop thinking about her, couldn't stop texting/phoning her. after a while we got together, but the thing was that I was stupidly unhappy, I just couldn't trust her, I mean, she was a nice girl, and definitely trust-worthy, but it was just missing. That was kinda fun for a while, but the lack of trust was seriously f**king with me, and making me really depressed and sad, which changed me, and then she ended it, because I wasn't the guy she'd thought I was. I couldn't go through that again, I mean seriously, I just couldn't.

So at the moment, about 6 months after that. I'm having to work even harder to make sure I trust anyone, and I just can't be with anyone, not for a while anyway. So I'm back to not knowing if I'm ready yet. It sucks. I mean I love being single, its great, but it gets to you after a while. I guess I'll know when I meat someone, and hopefully I'll be more aware when thinking I can trust them.

But seriously dude. Don't live by my example, when I got together with this girl I was completely un-aware that I had any trust issues, and I didn't consider that. In hindsight I would have know I couldn't trust her enough to be happy, it was just the wrong girl. Also There is some more serious shit in my past that has f**ked me up good and proper, so as above, don't live by my example. I'm just letting you know.

[BONGO]

yawn stop being so insecure and enjoy yourself with the ladie, if shit happens get rid if not its all gravy dont let crappy little things play on your mind or it only gets worse and the uni lifestyle isnt as bad as some people make out, if she's a nice lass relax an let it flow.

because one girl does it doesnt mean another will.

i'm not insecure becasue i feel like this

[Al_Fel]

Shit I thought you were gay?