Jokes,

[Trials Maniac]

A brunette and 10 blondes are trapped on an island. So the brunette uses her mobile phone to call the rescue team and asks them to fly a helicopter to the island to come and pick them up. When the helicopter gets there the driver says; Ok, i want you all to hold onto this piece of rope. So as the helicopter flies of the blondes and the bruntte are all dangling underneth holding onto the rope. A few minutes later the driver shouts dwon to them; There is to many of you; one of you will have to let go uvawise the weight will pull us down. Al the blondes look at each other and say im not letting go I'll fall to my death. Then all the blondes look towars the brunnette. Finally the brunette says; Ok ok ill let go. On hearing this all the blondes started clapping....

Took me a little while to workd it out when i first heard it!!!

Edited November 14, 2006 by Trials Maniac

[Trials Maniac]

more jokes...

[dan c]

the sad life of a penis

i have one eye,messy hair,my family are nuts,my neighbours an a***hole & my best mates a c*nt

[Dan6061]

the sad life of a penis

i have one eye,messy hair,my family are nuts,my neighbours an a***hole & my best mates a c*nt

Not forgetting the owner beats him...and 'he' doesn't have a penis.

[Joe Sweeney]

i got some blonde jokes here i go

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?

A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

That's all i've got at the moment

[dan c]

a man walks into his bedroom and says to his wife, "come on love were goin fishing". she refused. he says well you must do a forfit, give me anal or oral sex. the wife thought for a minute and chose oral. she began her work but stopped an shouted "YOUR KN*B TASTES OF SHIT!!!!!!!" and the man replied "the dog didn't want to go fishing either"

[Urban legend.]

Hahahaha.

There are some pretty good ones in here .

What do you say to someone trying to steal your gate?

Nothing,they might take a fence

Edited November 14, 2006 by Urban legend.

[Ben Beckett]

your mumma's so fat, she fell over broke her leg and gravy poured out.

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."

She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."

He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."

She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.

He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"

what do you call a bike without hope componants?;

hopeless!!

A Koala bear decides he wants to get laid, so he picks up a hooker. He goes down on her several times and they are really enjoying themselves. After they are finished the koala bear starts getting dressed.

The hooker says, "wheres my money?"

The koala bear shrugs his shoulders. The hooker repeats herself asking for her money. Again he shrugs his shoulders. The hooker grabs a dictionary and looks up the word hooker and shows it to the koala bear.

It says "gets paid for sex."

The koala bear picks up the dictionary and looks up Koala Bear and shows it to the hooker.

It says, "Eats bush and leaves!"

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50.

Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50.

Hand Job: - $10.00.

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am"

The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.

First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.

Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.

The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."

The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

:thumbsup:

[max-t]

lmao ben

loved them all hahaha.

max...

[Trials Maniac]

what do you call a blonde doing cartwheels?

blonde...brunete...blonde...brunete...blonde...brunete...blonde...brunete...

[Do-M]

Why are pirates' pirates? 'Cuz they arrrrrr.

Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

Whats pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

Do-M

[Ben Beckett]

is comin on the 25 of december.................

(bump)

[Trials Maniac]

Random Dumb Blonde Joke

One day while driving along a Blonde sees another Blonde in the middle of a wheat field rowing in a boat. So she stop's and gets out of the car and shout's to the Blonde in the middle of the field "It's Blonde like you that give all us Blonde a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ass!"

[Wright Pads]

Whats the differnce between a Muslim and ET?

Et Looked better, smelt better, learnt English, didn't clame benifits, had his own f**king bike and wanted to go home!

It's doing the round on he old txt messages¬!

[jackamory]

why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to the bar,

Why did he go to the bar?

to go to the toilet,

why did he go to the toilet?

'because thats where all the cocks hang out!

Good jokes so far!

this doesn't make sense because a chicken is female and a cock is male and in the joke you say 'Why did he go to the bar?' and 'why did he go to the toilet?' and it should be she instead of he.

[I-LUV-TRIALS]

How long does it take for a black women to take a shit..... 9months

whats the 3 things a black man cant get...a black eye, a fat lip and a job.

[Trials Maniac]

How long does it take for a black women to take a shit..... 9months

whats the 3 things a black man cant get...a black eye, a fat lip and a job.

you realise that is very racist, you could have at least put no offence...

[Joe Sweeney]

what's a pirates favriote letter?

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[lil_kial]

you realise that is very racist, you could have at least put no offence...

I doubt very much that he wanted any coloured people to take offence!

lilkial

[I-LUV-TRIALS]

you realise that is very racist, you could have at least put no offence...

yeah mate but i was in school and the teacher was right next to me when i was posting so i was in a bit of a rush, and no im not a racist but they are funny jokes(no offence dudes)

Edited November 16, 2006 by I-LUV-TRIALS

[seabass]

There's a guy called Dave who makes a bet with his boss that he knows everyone in the world. His boss says "OK then Dave, prove it". So Dave takes his boss outside and as they are walking down the street everyone is coming over to say hello to Dave.

Dave's boss turns to him and says "Lets see if anyone famous knows you". Dave says "OK, lets go to Hollywood and find someone". So they fly to Hollywood where they meet Tom Cruise who is so happy to see Dave he invites him in for a coffee. Daves boss is impressed but not satisfied, he says "OK, lets see if you know George Bush". So they turn up at the Whitehouse and Bush is so pleased to see Dave he invited them both in for a JD. Dave's boss is even more impressed but still not satisfied. He turns to Dave and says "Lets see if you know the Pope".

They head for the Vatican and sure enough the Pope is amazed to see Dave. Dave turns to his boss and says go and wait outside and Ill go up on the balcony with the Pope and wave to you. Dave heads onto the balcony and after a few minutes spots his boss and starts waving. Suddenly there is lots of commotion and an ambulance turns up. Dave runs outside to see his boss being loaded into the ambulance. He asks "Boss, what happened" His boss replies "I had a heart attack, it was after someone standing next to me said 'who the f**k is that on the balcony with Dave'"

[bennyb]

What is jako's favorite cheese

baby bell

two blonds walk into a building...., you would think one of them would see it ...

hahahah ....thanka benny

Edited November 16, 2006 by bennyb

[Ben Beckett]

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

''I can't do that, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''

''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''

''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''

''Fine then, just walk this white line.''

''Can't do that either, officer.''

''Why not?''

''Because I'm drunk.''

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the

driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'Lets do it!' And, she's always sound asleep."

[Ben Beckett]

The Nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one Sunday Morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven "Which part of your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?

" Suzie replied:"Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."

A man walked into a bar one day and spotted a large jar of money sitting on the counter. After sitting at the bar for about an hour and getting thoroughly drunk the man asked the bartender why the large jar of money was placed there. The bartender said that he would give the jar of money to any one who would do three favors for him. He pointed to a large fellow seated at the end of the bar and said, "Do you see that guy sitting over there. First I want you to go over and kick his ass, and then throw him out of my bar because he won't pay his bill. Second, I want you to go in the back room and pull my German Shepard's sore tooth. It has been hurting him so bad that no one can even get near him. The last thing I want you to do is to go into the back room and have sex with my fat sister. She can't get laid by anyone."

So the guy walked over to the guy sitting at the end of the bar and thoroughly kicked his ass and threw him out of the bar. Then he went into the back to deal with the dog. The bartender heard screams and the dog barking. He began to get worried until he saw the man return. "Okay, said the man, "now where's that fat sister with the sore tooth?"

A mum and dad take their boy to a nude beach, when they get there the dad walks off the mum sunbathes and the boy goes to swim in the sea, after a few minutes the boy goes running up to his mum saying "mummy mummy i saw two men with bigger willies then daddy" and the mum says "well the bigger they are the dumber they are" so the boy says "oh okay" and goes back to play in the sea. the boy then comes back a few minutes later saying "mummy mummy i saw two women with bigger boobies than you" and the mum says " the bigger they are the dumber they are" and the boy replies "oh okay" and goes back to play in the sea. the boy then comes running back to his mom a few minuets later saying "mummy mummy i saw daddy talking to the dumbest women on the earth and the more and more he talked the dumber and dumber he got"

lmfaon, enjoy!

[The Hitcher]

dont know if anyones heard this one, hey never mind...

I man comes back to work to find what looks like a sandwich on his desk. After looking at it for a while he realises there are wires sticking out of it. He sits down and thinks about it and decides to phone the police...

Police man: hello sir whats sem to be the problem

Man: theres a sandwich on my desk and i think its a bomb.

Police man: how do you know?

Man: im pretty sure it is, its got wires comeing out and im fairly certain really

Police man: well is it tickin sir?

Man: noo it beef

hahahahahhahahaha