Robwalker Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 Manisms1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:(A) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.© After wrecking your boss's car.(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".(e) When she is using her teeth.3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! C'mon, give me one more! Harder!c) Another set and we can hit the showers!22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?""BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"We hope this clears up any confusion,The International Council of Manhood, Ltd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 Hahahahaha27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.Quality! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBProductions Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 (edited) ( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.probably the truest and most important thing ever written on this or any other forum. angelina jolie is a gift from god - there is nothing and noone that surpasses, has surpassed or will surpass her beauty and wonderfullness.i love her deeply and truelyedit:shite, i spelt truly wrong Edited July 7, 2006 by poopipe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 I'm obviously lacking in masculinity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash-Kennard Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 excellent, thats getting printed off and is going on the wall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaffacakes Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.Haha I walked downstairs 5 mins ago and stood at the bottom of the stairs for ages wondering why I went down there, then walked back up. Reading that made me remember I went down to put my beer's in the fridge Im such an ass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 I'm obviously lacking in masculinity.no shit? you big hippy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_soon_to_be Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?""BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"haha, all i have to say on that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials_pimp Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 You forgot the mentionB&Q should Have Changing rooms with Mirrors, So you can see how Manly you Look With New tools.And Real MEn Allways Test swing Hammers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinky Posted July 8, 2006 Report Share Posted July 8, 2006 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.Thats so true. Might have to go on my wall too actually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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