Gutted (It's all good Mr. Runt :p)

[beigemaster]

It's a tough situation. To be totally honest (and I am speaking from experiences e.g me and my gf both agree on a no sex before marriage policy) I think that if she really believed in it then she should have told you early on in the relationship. So if she didn't get that straight with you then I wander how strong her beliefs really are. If at the end of the day you are both looking for different things then maybe you shouldn't be together? Hope it goes well dude.

[JT!]

Don't tell us (well, i do like a bit of gossip so ignore that) tell her. If you really do love her there shouldn't be any awkwardness or dishonesty. Sit her down and ask her if she really is doing this for pure religious belief, or weather she’s doing it for some other reason. The goal is to get honesty. Being in a relationship for 4 years you shouldn’t have much of a problem there, but this can get a bit when strict parents get involved. If she really is doing it for religious believes then your just going to have to put up with it. It's all you can do, help her by showing restraint yourself and not take advantage of her if she gets 'hot and bothered' if you know what I mean.

If you do find that she wasn't been all that truthful and threes some other reason why she has suddenly spring this on you then discuss it as open minding as possible, putting yourself in her position.

Good luck.

[tuff_runt]

It's a tough situation. To be totally honest (and I am speaking from experiences e.g me and my gf both agree on a no sex before marriage policy) I think that if she really believed in it then she should have told you early on in the relationship. So if she didn't get that straight with you then I wander how strong her beliefs really are. If at the end of the day you are both looking for different things then maybe you shouldn't be together? Hope it goes well dude.

So beige, not wanting to pry, but you have a no sexual activity relationship, like just kissing no further? Perhaps I'm being a bit immature by not accepting what would be a fulfilling companionship with her.

[beigemaster]

So beige, not wanting to pry, but you have a no sexual activity relationship, like just kissing no further? Perhaps I'm being a bit immature by not accepting what would be a fulfilling companionship with her.

Well we're both christians (please don't let this become a "slag of religion thread" it's just the way we live our lives) and share a belief that sexual intimacy is meant to be used within marriage. So if you can become completely intimate on a emotional/spiritual level without the use of sex then I think that is a good thing and obviously the couple should be ready to get married anyway. I think we can all agree on sex can potential making things really messed up if it goes wrong so in some ways it's a bit of a relief. I'm not saying it's easy (because my girlfriend is absolutely stunning and I am a 20 year old male!) but I just try to look at the bigger picture and I'm planning to propose to her soon anyway.

The point back to your situation is that I think it's a bit odd how she didn't tell you how she felt at the beginning. I'm sure a lot of the forum members will see me as old fashioned weirdo but if my girlfriend shares the same beliefs as me then I don't really care because we are happy together.

[MasterOfGussets]

Well we're both christians (please don't let this become a "slag of religion thread" it's just the way we live our lives) and share a belief that sexual intimacy is meant to be used within marriage. So if you can become completely intimate on a emotional/spiritual level without the use of sex then I think that is a good thing and obviously the couple should be ready to get married anyway. I think we can all agree on sex can potential making things really messed up if it goes wrong so in some ways it's a bit of a relief. I'm not saying it's easy (because my girlfriend is absolutely stunning and I am a 20 year old male!) but I just try to look at the bigger picture and I'm planning to propose to her soon anyway.

The point back to your situation is that I think it's a bit odd how she didn't tell you how she felt at the beginning. I'm sure a lot of the forum members will see me as old fashioned weirdo but if my girlfriend shares the same beliefs as me then I don't really care because we are happy together.

I can see this guys point. But views and opinions can change. You just have to work out wheather they've really changed or if it is something she's been pressured into saying.

I do think the guy is old fashioned though. I don't see any real reason to get married. I don't believe in any sort of deity. (I don't believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny so the chance of me believing in something that's never even supposed to have been seen is infintesimal).

Why spend thousands of pounds on clothes you'll only wear once, a ceremony you won't really remember just to have a shin-dig with hundreds of people drinking booze you've paid for? Just to do right by an intangible entity that doesn't really exist? Spend your money on getting a home set up or something more productive.

Back to the point though: I don't think you should respond by being easily swayed. It's almost a subconcious way of pressuring you into settling down. And from this post I would guess you're not ready. But... (in full Blind Date's Alan-style voice) the choice is yours!

If you want my brutal opinion though, (you probably don't, but oh well...) it sounds like a typical Catholic: Religious when it suits them.

[beigemaster]

Why spend thousands of pounds on clothes you'll only wear once, a ceremony you won't really remember just to have a shin-dig with hundreds of people drinking booze you've paid for? Just to do right by an intangible entity that doesn't really exist? Spend your money on getting a home set up or something more productive.

This may sound a bit crazy but in all honesty I totally agree with you in that unless you have a real faith in God/religion (not just someone who calls them selfs a christian or catholic when it suits them) then I think marriage is totally pointless and women these days don't want a marriage they want a wedding. I want to get married because I believe (through my faith) that marriage is God's invention and best way to commit myself to my girlfriend. If your not religious then why bother spending all that money when your pretty much living as a married couple anyway i.e living and sleeping together.

[fruitbat]

When she gets on the horn she tends to lose all sense of logic, but then regrets afterwards (which she only told me tonight, that she regretted every time, EVER). So she has decided to not get caught up in it anymore.

When you say regretted everytime ever you mean she regretted ever sleeping with you?

This sounds like she is a changing person and the real question is how much more will she change, it does sound like she has highly religious parents who are putting pressure on her as you have already stated and IMHO i think she will change more, possibly into a different person from the person you fell in love with.

Like someone else said, sit down and talk with her, if you can't go without it for that long then be honest with her. If you dont then you WILL split up in the near future as you will begin to get very pissed off.

Sounds like she is being a little silly anyway, if she was going to do the sex before marriage thing she should have done it from the very start, too bleeding late now

Frooty

[quick_spider]

I have a lot of Christian friends and they all want to get married young for some reason

The thing that I don't understand is how an act which they learn to think of as a sin can suddenly become okay because of a ceremony they've gone through.

Jon

[Brisa]

Could this be a way of making you want to marry her sooner without actually saying it to you scared that you won't like the idea and scoot off into the sunset?

[trials_pimp]

Shes right

You shouldnt be having Sex until you are married.

Cast off your sins and repent in the eyes of the lord.

Thout shall not consumate without the lawfull marrige.

Dont be so blasfimous, listen to the bible

[mat hudson]

if she was going to do the sex before marriage thing she should have done it from the very start, too bleading late now

Frooty

haha, i see what you did there

[beigemaster]

I have a lot of Christian friends and they all want to get married young for some reason

The thing that I don't understand is how an act which they learn to think of as a sin can suddenly become okay because of a ceremony they've gone through.

Jon

I don't think sex is an act of sin, I think it's one of God's greatest inventions! (He could have made it a lot more boring) The whole idea of sex being an evil taboo sin and should only be used for pro creation is an absolute load of crap. The bible has a whole book in it about sex (Song of Songs) and is repeated over and over about how important sex is in a relationship (see Corinthians) I believe that with the notion of God (obviously not applicable if you don't believe there is one) marriage is more than just a ritual it's a huge spiritual commitment in the eyes of God. Basically this is the logic I follow God created sex > God created marriage > God says sex is best in marriage> God know what he's doing regarding both sex and marriage > I trust God to be right.

I'm not trying to preach and make you all 'repent for the end is near' I'm just sharing what I believe.

[MasterOfGussets]

I don't think sex is an act of sin, I think it's one of God's greatest inventions! (He could have made it a lot more boring) The whole idea of sex being an evil taboo sin and should only be used for pro creation is an absolute load of crap. The bible has a whole book in it about sex (Song of Songs) and is repeated over and over about how important sex is in a relationship (see Corinthians) I believe that with the notion of God (obviously not applicable if you don't believe there is one) marriage is more than just a ritual it's a huge spiritual commitment in the eyes of God. Basically this is the logic I follow God created sex > God created marriage > God says sex is best in marriage> God know what he's doing regarding both sex and marriage > I trust God to be right.

I'm not trying to preach and make you all 'repent for the end is near' I'm just sharing what I believe.

I don't know about that. I don't believe there is a God... I believe that to be common sense, but have no problems with believers. But what ever way you want to look at it a human beings' sole purpose in life is to procreate. There are no two ways about it. You're not here for a higher purpose or any of that bullshit - you're here to make babies. I'm not saying that's like, "just go out and have sex." The whole point of it is to inpregnate a female.

Can I ask why you believe in God? Because I'm oblivious to any proof. I trust in the saying "don't believe everything you read." I think the Bible was a really good, creative childrens book. But it's just a form of control instilled in you from birth (or when you're Christened). I see no real gain out of "believing" there is something that you can't see, can't smell, can't hear nor touch. I would be intrigued in finding out what makes a person believe the stories.

[phil white]

shahbaz says "if the foofoo is temporarily closed you could always try botty sex! yummy "

[Simpson]

Throw out her dildo its starting to replace you in the relationship

[poopipe]

botty sex is a sin too - i looked it up.

mr runt - whatever her reasons, she's just totally changed the rules under you after 4 years of relationship and expects you to just roll over and take it - it doesn't show a lot of respect does it?

[tuff_runt]

head frying. I just don't know what the hell is going to happen now. Thanks for the support guys, and I may keep you updated with developments.

[Ash-Kennard]

umm... your gf is harsh as hell,

EDIT: soory i was being really nasty.

Edited June 11, 2006 by ash-kennard

[Davetrials]

I reacon shell need it as much as u a month at the max.

work out and get hotter!!

[Dan Clark]

To be honest, it's been 4 years, she's doing this, I think she's trying to push you into proposing to her.

If I was in your situation, I'd say I felt really unloved because she doesn't want to express her love physically to you anymore, and it's hard to believe its for religious beliefs because of the past 4 years.

To be honest, it sounds like somethings up with her, is there any chance she could be cheating on you? Either way, I don't think the situation sounds too good.

Sit her down and find out the true reason to why she isn't doing it anymore, because I personally doubt its a religious thing because of the past four years, I think she either wants to get married, or break up with you. Women don't like the responsibility of being the bad one, so she'll make you dump her so she's the victim.

[munkee]

I already voiced my opinion that its more than likely shes found someone.. infact she doesnt want to keep humping you because she will feel ever more guilty eachtime she does it. Either that or you'll realise that school name branded 'tight little jenny' isnt so tight anymore. The penny will drop and boom hearts are crushed and broken. If you take any piece of general knowledge to your death bed remember women are filth in comparison to any land mamal (had to omit the sea due to dolphins.. dirty f**kers.. group gang bangs..who would have thought).

[Will Arnold]

maybe whe wants you to propose ??

:D

[Prawny Baby]

maybe whe wants you to propose ??

:D

the problem with that is, if shes doing it entirely to get him to propose, then surely hes only going to propose because he wants a good shag? not because he actually wants to be with her

not a good way to go about it if she is doing that

[poopipe]

typically female stunt to pull though so wouldn't be entirely surprised.

might as well go for it, there's always divorce (make sure you sign a pre-nuptual)

[anzo]

religion, yes.

One of those frigging idiots that knock and my door and try to make me muslim or whatever their fairytale belief is? Sigh...

To be honest, I do this non-sex thing all the time, its easy when you don't have a choice. I have to say I'm on her side with this, if she can hold out for this, fair play to her!

I couldn't imagine having sex with one of 'them there religious ones' as we say in Derbyshire...I imagine it to be very boring, you know, the 'get the job done and f**k off' attitude...my suggestion is to talk to her about it, sex IS IMPORTANT. After about a month of this shit you'll be very agressive and ratty with her...she'll probably dump you, but girls are too stupid to realise that THEY are the root cause of any bad happenings.