Jolfa Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 As above, sounds a bit possessive paranoid psycho to me. Plus getting lost is all part of going travelling, not going to experience shit all if you just book everything and stick to a schedule! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 To be fair I completely understand you being weary of her going with someone like that but what she was meaning by saying she'd rather go with another girl rather than a guy is understandable. It's true, you don't get to meet the people you would if you were a couple and it would probably seem like an extended holiday rather than travelling. Just my two cents though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 I get where you're coming from but I'm sympathizing more with her here. Sounds like her only crime is a lack of preparation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Sorry, badly worded. She travelled 6 hours on a donkey to a hotel. That she had cancelled HERSELF. Dafuq?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Because "travelling and it's spiritual" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 ... Whoa easy there!! For one thing the bad experiences with wifi etc are part of it - Asia just isn't reliable, you have to go with the flow a bit. At the same time it is very sanitised and it's not like 'backpacking' was in the 70s. There's a very well-established trail through a lot of SE Asia. Thailand and Malaysia are very safe on the whole, don't be put off by the murders on Koh Tao the other week. As for going with a friend... to be honest this is the best way. Going as a couple won't be the same, she has a fair point. Being accepted into circles of new friends is easier when you are two girls, or two guys, than being a couple. A lot of the couples I saw when backpacking kept to themselves, although this isn't always the case. She wants to go and chat sh't to people, be with her mate, let her hair down a bit. This doesn't mean she wants to screw other men, and so now it's down to you to trust her. If I went off with the guys on another bike trip and my girl had an issue with it, I'd say trust me to be true to you or leave me. I would expect her to do the same if it was the other way around. It's true a lot of graduates have grandiose ideas about the relevance to their later life of snorting vodka out of plastic buckets and getting nailed on a pool table by a Brazilian guy (didn't happen to me thankfully), and I loathe the way so many of them think there's something spiritual about smoking a fat cone on a beach in Cambodia and hoping the cops don't catch them, but it's a life experience nonetheless. Your girl will resent you more if you make it difficult for her to go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) f**king stupid is what it sounds to me. Bearing in mind, she's a 26 year old with two degrees, been a school teacher for 6 years, lived on her own for 6 years and most importantly has multimillionaire parents I'm not WORRIED about her at all. I'm just a bit shocked that all the time we lived together, for the last 10 odd years I've known her, for the months we were together 6 odd years ago (before I turned into a dick) she has always been incredibly logical and excellent and planning things. We'd go out for the weekend and before I've even woken up she's made us lunch, packed the car, programmed the satnav, walked to the shop to get cash out, prepared the dinner for when we get home. f**king mental daily living skills and preparation. I appreciate she's probably really enjoying NOT having that level of in-charge-ness, but maybe just a little bit of it might be wise when travelling the world? Whoa easy there!! For one thing the bad experiences with wifi etc are part of it - Asia just isn't reliable, you have to go with the flow a bit. At the same time it is very sanitised and it's not like 'backpacking' was in the 70s. There's a very well-established trail through a lot of SE Asia. Thailand and Malaysia are very safe on the whole, don't be put off by the murders on Koh Tao the other week. As for going with a friend... to be honest this is the best way. Going as a couple won't be the same, she has a fair point. Being accepted into circles of new friends is easier when you are two girls, or two guys, than being a couple. A lot of the couples I saw when backpacking kept to themselves, although this isn't always the case. She wants to go and chat sh't to people, be with her mate, let her hair down a bit. This doesn't mean she wants to screw other men, and so now it's down to you to trust her. If I went off with the guys on another bike trip and my girl had an issue with it, I'd say trust me to be true to you or leave me. I would expect her to do the same if it was the other way around. It's true a lot of graduates have grandiose ideas about the relevance to their later life of snorting vodka out of plastic buckets and getting nailed on a pool table by a Brazilian guy (didn't happen to me thankfully), and I loathe the way so many of them think there's something spiritual about smoking a fat cone on a beach in Cambodia and hoping the cops don't catch them, but it's a life experience nonetheless. Your girl will resent you more if you make it difficult for her to go. I'm not making it difficult for her to go though, I paid for her plane tickets FFS. I don't care that she hasn't gone with me any more, I'm having much more fun being a super pro race car driver. I think she's got the wrong end of the stick slightly, but then that was later rectified. She seemed to think that because she said she didn't want to go with me, I resented the idea. But actually I thought it was a ridiculous idea from day one, but me suggesting I would go too was just a way of making it happen when her friends dropped out because I knew she couldn't go alone. Edited October 6, 2014 by Pashley26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 You're posting in classic Jardo style. Because you don't do it, or understand it, it's shit. Some people like freestyling their travel, rather than booking packages. It's not stupid, it's just different to what the majority do. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well it was short-sighted of you - blinkered perhaps - to think it was a bad idea. Me visiting Asia wasn't spiritual, or enlightening, but it did help me along the path to moving to Asia, starting a business and having a much better lifestyle than I had in the UK, with more money, hotter partners, better weather and way better food. People I used to work with thought I was silly for leaving a good job with a company car etc to 'go travelling' (actually I didn't give a f'ck about travelling, I just wanted to get out of the office and the UK). Whilst 80% are probably people doing a 'once in a lifetime' thing before they 'settle down', for some it can get them thinking in new ways and result in them having shifted ambitions. Maybe this is what bothers you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 That's exactly it. I don't do it, I don't want to do it, I wouldn't do it and I don't understand why anybody would do it. I don't book package holidays and things because they are a bit dull. But I just find it odd that she's flown to Kuala Lumpur, booked a flight from Thailand to Australia and THE ONLY thing she has booked or planned is New Years in Sydney they have booked a hotel. It just seems odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 And so because you don't understand, it must be rubbish? So you think we should all live in detached houses, sell cars and drive Audi A3s? Is that it? Is that what we should all be doing? Seriously, I left the UK without any plans at all. Next thing I wind up in a 3 floor marble-floored house with a load of people from all over the world, and get jumped in the night on the sofa by a hot Thai girl. And then... hell, I couldn't have scripted the next 6 months if I'd tried. It was absolutely insane! I met new people, be it friends or sometimes a girl, and just took each day as it came, without the nauseating need to 'plan' everything. And maybe this is why some people really are changed - it puts their western worries and concerns into perspective. They realise that being a good little worker bee and planning everything up until your last breath can be a horrible trap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well it was short-sighted of you - blinkered perhaps - to think it was a bad idea. Whilst 80% are probably people doing a 'once in a lifetime' thing before they 'settle down', for some it can get them thinking in new ways and result in them having shifted ambitions. Maybe this is what bothers you... I'm more concerned that she's going to want to move back and "settle down" than I am about her "thinking in new ways." Because the latter just wouldn't happen. She's already agreed to start as Deputy Head at a new school in the UK in March, so yeah my worries are what's she going to be wanting from me next. So your reasons for wanting to go travelling were for an escape, so you could just go and be free for a bit. But why would you do it if you were happy with everything? You live with your boyfriend in a monstrous house with a swimming pool, have the job you've worked 6 years teacher training for, got everything set up and it's all going well. Why would just jack in your job, sell your house move back in with your psychotic mother for four months and send your boyfriend packing off back to his parents, and basically risk what you've got and what you've worked for so you can live out of a backpack in Asia for 4 months? If she said "f**k it, I'm moving to Thailand/Australis/whatever" then fair enough. But to just go travelling for 4 months? It took us two months to pack up the house FFS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Because there's more to life than getting shacked up with some guy in your 20s. Sounds like consumer hell to me. Do you have Sky? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 I never said there wasn't. And I assure you, it's not what I want. I think you've missed the point in your rush to try and convince me that my girlfriends going to fall into a state of enlightenment whilst travelling. I can't be convinced by the way. I can't understand how she hasn't planned anything, as well as why go travelling in the first place? Why do people even do it? Every answer I get is because they're running away or can't deal with responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Then you didn't read my answer... In your girlfriend's case, maybe she can see that it's easier now than in 5 years time when she has more responsibilities. In my case I wanted a new life. I realised the only thing keeping me in the UK was my job, and that if I woke up at 60 having slaved away for all that time, then no house or cars would be enough to stop me feeling like I could've done more. And this is the whole point here - it's about personal choice, ambitions and lifestyle. For me, I see comfortable jobs and lives as a lack of dealing with responsibility, and as running away from the real world. When I ditched my job it came down to me to make myself profitable, not live under the wing of someone else's company, and suddenly I had taken the reins back and was responsible for everything else. Nobody to fix my shit, nobody to plan my retirement, nobody to pay my medical bills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 But you can do that in the UK, and if you're good at your job you can save up and set up a business. Surely there's nothing that Asia can offer you (other than selfies and sideways vaginas) that the UK couldn't have done? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 You say "the only thing keeping you in the UK" like there's something wrong with it? I just don't get it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 I think the question is, what's so good about the UK? But since you asked... My big, modern, awesome apartment costs me £400 a month I don't pay income tax I'm a 1hr flight from some of the best rock climbing and scuba diving in the world I don't need green lanes to take my dirt bikes on - I can go practically anywhere I want Food is amazing Girls I meet here are slim, intelligent and driven - not lazy, overweight and wanting me to pay for shit Weather is rad most of the time BMX scene here is cool as f'ck I don't need to worry about local politics and government Most of the westerners I meet are ambitious, world-wise and interesting people with stories to tell Buddhist culture makes people here generally very easy going and friendly I'm 4 hours flight from amazing places to ride motorbikes (this year 2 months in India, Nepal and Myanmar) Since I've been living here my clients have paid for trips to Australia, Berlin and NYC - I get my fix of western food and f'ck off back here again And best of all... I'm miles away from people who think the UK is the best place in the world. But we've gone way off topic. Having given up trying to help you here (I was even going to PM you my phone number incase your girl got in trouble in Thailand), I'm going to leave this now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 I think the question is, what's so good about the UK? But since you asked... My big, modern, awesome apartment costs me £400 a month I don't pay income tax I'm a 1hr flight from some of the best rock climbing and scuba diving in the world I don't need green lanes to take my dirt bikes on - I can go practically anywhere I want Food is amazing Girls I meet here are slim, intelligent and driven - not lazy, overweight and wanting me to pay for shit Weather is rad most of the time BMX scene here is cool as f'ck I don't need to worry about local politics and government Most of the westerners I meet are ambitious, world-wise and interesting people with stories to tell Buddhist culture makes people here generally very easy going and friendly I'm 4 hours flight from amazing places to ride motorbikes (this year 2 months in India, Nepal and Myanmar) Since I've been living here my clients have paid for trips to Australia, Berlin and NYC - I get my fix of western food and f'ck off back here again And best of all... I'm miles away from people who think the UK is the best place in the world. But we've gone way off topic. Having given up trying to help you here (I was even going to PM you my phone number incase your girl got in trouble in Thailand), I'm going to leave this now. I've been to Thailand. I went diving. It was fun, I came home, put the picture on my bedside table and when people talk about Thailand I can say "yeah I went to Thailand, it was pretty cool." But when I got there I checked into my hotel, used it as a base and visited loads of different places over two weeks. I didn't just turn up with a backpack and wing it without even having a phone. That's my point which you've missed. She is saying she wants to just wing it day to day. But I just cannot understand at all how anybody can feel comfortable in a foreign country not having a clue where they are going to sleep that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 I think that's everyone else's point that you've missed. Just because you can't understand it, doesn't mean it's not possible for someone else to understand, and someone else to actually want that. For clarity, I'm with you on this one – I wouldn't want to go do it, but the point is that some people do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Right, exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) What may help is if somebody who does understand that could explain it, that's be wicked Edited October 6, 2014 by Pashley26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 Anyway, can we go back to girl problems now please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 She won't send me pictures of her boobs I saw them for about half a second on FaceTime but only because she was getting ready to go out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross McArthur Posted October 6, 2014 Report Share Posted October 6, 2014 ...and get pumped off a big black man. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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