Muel Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) You're in big trouble JD. I want a picture of you, holding a sign up saying you're sorry, with a fried egg on your face. Not too hard a challenge to complete but I think it'll serve to make you look like enough of a pillock. EDIT: Real picture, not a photoshop. And look sincere. Edited September 23, 2012 by Muel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 I once got told of a story where a guy would put a fried egg on the end of his willy and get the dog to lick it off for lols at breakfast. reminded me of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Got another problem but this time I think it's a bit more serious. To put a long story short, we have sex, I'm slightly displeased and say we need to improve things in a not-exactly-gentle way (not mean or anything, just badly worded from mild frustration). This clearly makes her unhappy. So we cuddle for a bit, I take a shower, come back into her room and find her curled up, shaking and hyperventilating. I try to get to her but she just curls up more, get a glimpse of her face and I can see she's incredibly frightened, more than I've ever seen anyone be. Not knowing what's going on and unable to get a reply I get really scared and pick up the phone to call 911 and she stops me. With tears in her eyes and a startled look she asks me "Are you going to beat me?". Not the nicest thing to hear from someone you love. I know where this stems from and I've been trying to work on this for the last weeks/months and failed so far. She was a victim of domestic violence from her mother which only stopped a year ago when she moved out. Her mother always had huge expectations and when they couldn't be matched, she'd get shot down and beat up - so both physical and psychological abuse. The physical abuse was pretty severe from what I understand but it's difficult to get more than a yes/no out of her. Psychologically she says she never felt loved, or that anyone actually cared about her. Her father was also a victim of her mother's abuse. So today when things didn't go all that well, she somehow saw me as her mother who's going to punish her for performing below expectations. This isn't news to me but the way she reacted today was scary to say the least. She was absolutely terrified and it's going to take some doing to get the image of her face out of my head. I don't know what to do about this. She hides this issue really well, I only found out about it half year into our relationship, she's so full of life and positive otherwise. Tried talking about it but that hasn't really helped, just got us closer together and helped me understand her needs and do's/dont's. There's no proper information on the net about how to talk about these kinds of problems either. It's a frustrating matter and after today I'm actually a bit freaked out. God knows what would happen if we ever broke up which is unlikely, or if I did something stupid, which is more probable. Any advice? I've been thinking about getting her some counselling but she's not too keen on the idea although she did briefly acknowledge that as a viable solution when we had a more relaxed conversation a few weeks ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 If she's scared of not achieving whatever it is she's out to do, that in itself is going to hinder performance. As much of a bitch as it is, her confidence/fear issues are more of a big deal than you blowing a load in her so as frustrating as it might be, if you really want to be with this chick you're going to have to find a way of tolerating it and not making it such a big deal. It's clearly a massive issue for her and rightly so, which doesn't make it easy but is unfortunately the case. It doesn't sound like you're being particularly sensitive to the issue, which is never going to make it any better for her. The kick in the pants is that until she's been able to work through these issues, it's not likely to get any better for you either. Whether it's through counselling or other means, you need to put her problems before yours to make this work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Hey man, i had to tl;dr that a little as i've gotta leave for uni right now but i've spent over 2 years of my life dealing with that exact issue -drop me a pm if you wanna talk about it a little more privately Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Luke, am I a bad person for feeling the need to vent every now and then? I see this as a problem to discuss with her, not my best friends who annoyingly mostly live 200 miles away. The lack of sensitivity is a good point, I've considered myself sensitive but now that I think of it you're probably right. Going to try and work on that. If she's scared of not achieving whatever it is she's out to do, that in itself is going to hinder performance. Good point too, going to talk to her about that. Currently I feel confound by the problem she's experiencing. Don't mind problems, enjoy solving them even if they take a long time. But this is beyond me, I feel hopeless and it's difficult for me to talk to her about it because she gets hysterical. I don't like seeing her in that state. After yesterday's experience, I'm not sure I can enjoy seeing her happy either because deep down I know she's definitely not happy. Up until now I didn't know how bad it really was. Skoze, PM sent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Yeah, it's a major ballache and takes it out of you for sure - for it not to get to you at all would be ridiculous. Not a bad person at all for needing to vent, apologies if that's how it came across I'm sure you're being sensitive about it all with her, it's just a massive issue so it's very hard to keep it up without getting frustrated. Been in similar situations before myself, it's taxing to say the least! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 No offence taken whatsoever. Didn't mean that in a negative way, it was merely a question. When you encountered such problems in the past, did it put you off / scare you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 I'm not generally one to worry about stuff too much but it's always going to be a pretty natural feeling for it to make you take a slight step back and think about things when something like this happens. I wouldn't say it put me off as such, more that it just made me think about things differently. The nature of situations like this is never nice and there will be times that it'll feel like you're making no progress (or even going backwards!) at which point it all comes down to sticking power. That's generally where the line gets drawn between being completely selfless in trying to help her situation and her having to realise that it's also affecting you in huge amounts too. This is usually the make or break point too, obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 I have completely forgotten how to speak to girls, yay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted September 29, 2012 Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 ...come back into her room and find her curled up, shaking and hyperventilating. I try to get to her but she just curls up more, get a glimpse of her face and I can see she's incredibly frightened, more than I've ever seen anyone be. Not knowing what's going on and unable to get a reply I get really scared and pick up the phone to call 911 and she stops me This is the part that strikes me that she's putting a lot of it on. If she's genuinely in some kind of non controllable panic state then she wouldn't have just been able to snap out of it when you picked up the phone to call 911. More like she just wanted to f**k with you, but didn't take it was far as having the police / ambulance come. I'd say she did it as a punishment to you for the comments you made as opposed to actually been frightened then you're going to beat her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisTrials2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Report Share Posted September 30, 2012 This is the part that strikes me that she's putting a lot of it on. If she's genuinely in some kind of non controllable panic state then she wouldn't have just been able to snap out of it when you picked up the phone to call 911. More like she just wanted to f**k with you, but didn't take it was far as having the police / ambulance come. I'd say she did it as a punishment to you for the comments you made as opposed to actually been frightened then you're going to beat her. If so..... His GF is the biggest troll I've ever heard of. But more likely, his GF has actually experienced enough to warrant this kind of reaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted September 30, 2012 Report Share Posted September 30, 2012 This is the part that strikes me that she's putting a lot of it on. If she's genuinely in some kind of non controllable panic state then she wouldn't have just been able to snap out of it when you picked up the phone to call 911. More like she just wanted to f**k with you, but didn't take it was far as having the police / ambulance come. I'd say she did it as a punishment to you for the comments you made as opposed to actually been frightened then you're going to beat her. She'd never fake something like that, especially as a punishment. I know her well enough to be sure of that, besides she'd have to be pretty gifted to fake the facial expression she had that night. She didn't snap out of it, took a good half an hour to calm her down. We've been talking this matter through in the past few days, I'm starting to get the picture of how her family functioned but I'm not sure if talking about it is helping her. Either way, she seems to understand that what happened is not her fault, that there's probably something mentally wrong with her mother and that it's not normal for family members to treat each other that way. She's also going to spend christmas with my family instead of going back home. It's also strange how there seems to be some sort of stockholm syndrome going on here, she's apparently giving away a vast majority of her earnings towards a new flat for her parents. Which kind of explains why she has to rent a room in a grumpy old lady's flat rather than a nice flat of her own near the city centre which she could otherwise easily afford. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdoku Posted October 1, 2012 Report Share Posted October 1, 2012 It's also strange how there seems to be some sort of stockholm syndrome going on here, she's apparently giving away a vast majority of her earnings towards a new flat for her parents. Which kind of explains why she has to rent a room in a grumpy old lady's flat rather than a nice flat of her own near the city centre which she could otherwise easily afford. From what you've been saying, I get the idea that she only gave her parents the money for the flat cos something bad will happen if she didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hypermobilty Posted October 1, 2012 Report Share Posted October 1, 2012 She needs to cut all ties with them and if possible move to another town make sure they don't know where Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted October 1, 2012 Report Share Posted October 1, 2012 (edited) She needs to cut all ties with them and if possible move to another town make sure they don't know where She's moved out, they're currently 50 miles away at least but they know where she lives and very occasionally visit her. And what's strange is that she's still in touch with her mother, they frequently chat over the phone and my gf signals her every day that everything is ok with her. From what you've been saying, I get the idea that she only gave her parents the money for the flat cos something bad will happen if she didn't. That's what I've been saying to her ever since I found out but she dismisses those claims in a fairly truthful manner. Don't believe her though. I think there's major progress in this matter, she read some articles in the library today about domestic abuse and borrowed a kind of self-help book on the subject. So I've definitely managed to nudge her towards solving this issue and since she's an avid reader, perhaps she'll take in something of interest that will help her and make my efforts less arduous. Edited October 1, 2012 by Greetings 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g1nge@trials Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 i now have short hair (grade 3) this picture is of last year but i havent changed apart from the hair length Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) In thread news, shit's not ideal. Just read the angry thread, post above makes sense now... Edited November 6, 2012 by Skoze Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N.Wood Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 this is the girl trouble thread, what R U DOIN? Basically the timeline is: Mr Ginge posts in angry thread that he went on a date and she text him after saying 'I can't see you again' Gets pointed to this thread and asked to post a pic of himself Present day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g1nge@trials Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 In thread news, shit's not ideal. Just read the angry thread, post above makes sense now... Basically the timeline is: Mr Ginge posts in angry thread that he went on a date and she text him after saying 'I can't see you again' Gets pointed to this thread and asked to post a pic of himself Present day yes sorry forgot to mention i was pointed here from angry thread by Dan yer so i took a girl on a date we get on well (i thought) end of date comes i give her a hug and walk her back to her car, next day i get a text from her saying saying she doesnt want to see me again with ' its not you its me' makes me feel down so i posted in angry thread the end Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casualjoe Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 I used POF for a while earlier this year, it seems there's a lot of that about. Don't forget girls can be uber fussy with online dating because they generally have around 4billion desperate, needy guys messaging them at any one time. That means that she can cast you off that easily without any worry because she knows there's 3,999,999,999 guys sat in line behind you. Don't take it hard, that's just the way internet dating is. I had some fun on there as soon as I stopped caring, mainly because I stopped using it as a tool to find a relationship and more as a way of finding cool ladies to chat to. If more happened great, but if not I was spending my evenings with people who were interested in finding out whether they'd like to hang out with me again some time rather than sitting at home on my own. Funnily enough, not caring and not wanting a relationship led me straight into one with a Facebook stalker Skoze: What's up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g1nge@trials Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 learn to use the meme properly as that is good guy greg I used POF for a while earlier this year, it seems there's a lot of that about. Don't forget girls can be uber fussy with online dating because they generally have around 4billion desperate, needy guys messaging them at any one time. That means that she can cast you off that easily without any worry because she knows there's 3,999,999,999 guys sat in line behind you. Don't take it hard, that's just the way internet dating is. I had some fun on there as soon as I stopped caring, mainly because I stopped using it as a tool to find a relationship and more as a way of finding cool ladies to chat to. If more happened great, but if not I was spending my evenings with people who were interested in finding out whether they'd like to hang out with me again some time rather than sitting at home on my own. Funnily enough, not caring and not wanting a relationship led me straight into one with a Facebook stalker Skoze: What's up? yer i think thats is what i will need to do, just use as a hang out sorta thing instead of try hard find relationship tool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HippY Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 I am with my girlfriend for a year as a distance relationship. Now we said that because at the moment there is no future for us, we stay together until someone find someone else. It was on Sunday, so it was like a half break up. Yesterday she tried to break up with me for second time, saying that i do not love her because i do not want to be with her in 2300 km distance. We just meed once or twice a year for weeks. Any advice, opinion, anything? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N.Wood Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 This week I've had a girl I'd never met stay over sunday night "to watch a film" and tonight I'm going out on my.... 7th "date" with another girl who is actually super nice. They are my only dealings with POF and both have worked out awesome. However, what JD said is 100% correct... You must be doing something right to even get a reply to your message. its a numbers game, consider it experience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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