MonsieurMonkey Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 Lol, nothing you can do, same happens to everyone. At least you know that even if you don't get back together it was a good relationship that just ran it's course. You wouldn't feel like shit if it hadn't been worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haydon_peter Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 The best way to get over a girl is to get under another one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 Accepting is not going well. AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH rantrantrantrantrant. I couldn't be more of a cliche if I tried: I can't eat, sleep or work. I also can't let myself text or phone her. Must, respect, decision. I f**king hate this Why can't I get it out of my head that I'm gonna wake up soon and it'll be New Years Eve and she'll be on her way? The only other thing I can (supposedly rationally...) think is that I'm in a coma and I'll wake up soon and she'll be at my side, having been told that she caused it. Lol. Definitely trying not to be such a pussy, but as you can see I'm just ending up being some sort of emo little girl. The radio is not helping either, they've got their "songs I've enjoyed with Leanne" playlist on today. Honestly don't worry about replying, I'm just venting because I can't vent anywhere else. I'm just hoping it'll let me be able to work. I feel your pain, mate. When I broke up with Kam I ended up losing a stone in weight within a couple of weeks from not eating and sleeping. Embarrassingly, but for your amusement, I would even walk the streets listening to melancholy music and crying I just didn't know what to do or how to deal with it because the feelings were so intense. I'd lost my best friend and more. The first month or two was awful and very clichéd like you say. It was actually the worst experience of my life so far. I remember talking about it on here a lot which definitely helped. I did however find that aerobic exercise and spending as much time with friends gave me some respite from my feelings even if they did return at other points. Maybe you should think about getting right back into your running or utilizing that gym you were working at? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 I did kind of hope you'd pop in here actually, because I remember you talking a lot about feelings which seem very similar to those I'm having now. I'm trying to kid myself that the reason I'm bothered is because I can't seem to work and that could really screw things up, but clearly that's not the case. I'm just... a cliché shell I suppose. I can't think of anything else, but I won't let myself think about it, so I'm just not thinking. Sort of auto pilot. Anyway, yes you're right about the exercise. I was out riding with Mark yesterday and that helped just by chatting about other stuff and having to think about not breaking my teeth. I'll try and do some running too, it's just fallen away so much now that it's hard to get the motivation. Catch 22 I suppose, I shall just get on it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 You know how you always think there's a way back when someone breaks up with you? Well tonight is the end of that saga. Apparently we're acting like adults, but everything I've had from Leanne has been childish as f**k. I've been nothing but understanding and trying to respect her decision, but she's snooped here, tried to turn my sister against me and generally called me out for things I've never done. She's now made a situation where she wants to get in the way of family, and that's a step too far. Luckily, I already had a plan in place a couple of years ago (because I was a 'cynical b*****d') to counter the shit out of that. Hey Leanne. I know you're watching this topic, so go ahead and try me - after all you said it tonight, you don't care about me and I'm a dick. Don't play my games, you're not good enough at them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish-Finger-er Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I already had a plan in place a couple of years ago (because I was a 'cynical b*****d') to counter the shit out of that. Hey Leanne. I know you're watching this topic, so go ahead and try me - after all you said it tonight, you don't care about me and I'm a dick. Can darren "the hatchet" still dispose of bodies at in the incinerator then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I can't reply either way for fear of use in a court of law Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 JD, if she continues to be a bitch about it, just start releasing naughty photos, one a day, until she f**ks off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 From what I can remember, she was a rather pleasant looking girl. Better make it 5 a day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I regret what I said last night, she's not a bitch. I'm just going through all sorts of shit that I don't deny everyone goes through in a breakup with the person they believe to be their 'one'. Which I do. I don't know how much longer I can not fight this for, it's not in my nature to just let it go. We spoke this morning, it wasn't pretty. It was amazing just to hear her voice though. If this is really going to be over I'm just going to miss every little thing about her, and weirdly I'll probably miss the stuff that annoyed me the most because that's the stuff I'd happily have over this any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Again, I know what you mean, JD. Even nearly three years later I still feel as though I've lost the most meaningful person in my life. I still regularly dream about her, think about her, and so on and there's still a part of me that holds onto a hope of some sort. I also compare new females to her which isn't good - she's like the benchmark. Some of us are just committed like that I guess although I've never been like this with any other girlfriend. I found it particularly difficult because I knew we had a connection that neither of us had shared with anyone else and when other things seemed more important to her in a relationship it kind of made me feel that the problem was just her not realising what was important [the connection] and either I needed to show her this or she might realise it at some point in the future. This was overly idealistic though. Those feelings that really compelled me to try and change what had happened did reduce after a couple of months though. Within that period we also had communications that weren't always pleasant and I made efforts to change things which didn't work and only caused me to feel worse probably because I would then get a stark reminder that it wasn't going to happen. I would say that communication isn't worth it particularly because your personality sounds like mine in this regard. Such strong and committed feelings need space to reduce. Contact just keeps those feelings big. I've just had to severe, again, communication with Kam even after those three years because contact with her inspires feelings that interrupt my studies and get in the way of me meeting somebody else meaningful. I'm still sceptical of meeting somebody as meaningful as her in the future but I still have to let go because it just isn't going anywhere. Not accepting that just causes more suffering. I hope the above helps in some sense. Perhaps what works/worked for me isn't the same for you but you sound very similar to how I felt. It's really important to see the intense feelings at this juncture as temporary. They will reduce to something much more manageable in the near future. Just see them as a type of flu or something that you know you have to have a patience with because it's beyond your control. Keep on about it in here though. Getting it out in whatever sense is really important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) That connection is weird isn't it? I don't know if I've mentioned it before but probably the only real belief about love that I've had is that it is impossible to love someone with such intensity without them loving you back with the same intensity, like love itself literally CAN'T be one way. Because of that belief, I've always known that she can't possibly not feel the same as me. That has given me comfort when we've had issues in the past because I've known they are temporary and repairable, and it allows me to build my world around her knowing that it is safe to do so because she'd never leave. I'm back to feeling this is repairable. We've spoken at length this morning and got some feelings across and said some things we both needed to say, because it ended so abruptly and oddly. Some of the stuff that's been eating me up has eased a bit because I know she understands how I feel now, and I will respect whatever she does with that. I also understand more of why it happened, and it ultimately comes down to us both changing so much and acting differently to each other than we used to. Basically, whether anyone thinks this is a good idea or not, I've floated an idea I had on the drive home this morning. I bought damn good tickets to a show later this month as a Christmas present to her, and I suggested we use the time between now and then to try to find ourselves a bit. Then we're going to go to it, meet each other again and see whether we like each other, like a first date I suppose. I'm typing it out knowing full well that most people wont think that's a good idea, but you've got to bear in mind that we're both very aware of the fact it could go badly - but that'll be closure. I promise not to get carried away with hope, I'm going to just stick a shit load of logic into my life, drink less, smoke less, work more, laugh more, and most definitely ride my bike more. Maybe then I'll find myself back to being the person she once wanted to marry. Not 'changed', more 'reincarnated'. Maybe I won't, and I'll have to accept that all the stuff that's happened over the past few years have made me who I am and try not to resent myself for not being who I was. Likewise, I'm sure she'll be thinking about all the changes that have happened her end too and we'll either accept the people we meet on the 22nd or we won't. I hope that makes sense... Edited January 4, 2012 by JD™ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddbmxdude Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Im a serial lurker on this thread, but reading through Ben and JD's posts reminded me how I felt when I broke up with my fiancée of 7 years. That was almost 3 years ago now, the pain has almost gone. That feeling of being totally and utterly consumed by your emotions is horrible, and no matter what I did I just couldn't get her out of my head. My advice would be to just leave it. No matter how hard that might seem. We tried to work things out several times and it would always go round in one massive loop and we'd end up at exactly the same conclusion. Shes a lesbian now (Go on, laugh, its ok) and is living with her girlfriend, and that is hard to cope with. I hardly see her anymore, which suits me just fine. Im single again and loving it, so hang in there! and most definitely ride my bike more. This. That first summer after breaking up with her, I rode more than I ever have and it was the best thing I could have done. The MK trials boys helped me through the toughest time of my life (although they don't know it, just riding was enough to keep my mind off her) and for that I love those guys. /gay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Again you've pretty much described my attitude about the connection. Even though Kam was very hurtful toward me (she left me for somebody else two weeks before my 3 month retreat which I had to cancel losing £1200) the connection meant that those things were forgiveable and I still wanted to be with her. We spent this last summer together and the connection was still there to the same extent and we ended up 'involved' again. It's unfortunate that some people don't recognise the importance and, I think, rarity of it. I guess it's even more unfortunate that people settle for the satisfaction of other superficial things in a relationship over a connection. I digress though. If I were in your situation I would go for it again. My best mate, after breaking up with his girlfriend multiple times eventually found an equilibrium and they got married this Summer. Again, my most meaningful relationship was also filled with a kind of turmoil and lots of break ups but, paradoxically, I think that turmoil is intimately linked to something good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the advice The way my head works doesn't like the idea of spending at least 3 years hurting though! I personally think it really is rare, because people don't really seem to show that they have it if they do. I don't see many showing that it's the same as I feel, anyway. Whether that means people settle of something other than that or I just don't notice it in others, I don't know. What I do know is that your last sentence is absolutely right in my head. It's like the predominantly religious explanation on the existence of 'evil', without which we wouldn't appreciate 'good'. I've come up with a new theory, based on your example of your mate. Perhaps what's happening is the after effects of the 'earthquake' of what really changed a lot of things for me: Leanne moving out to uni. The magnitude of that would be a good 9.9 on the Richter scale, followed by 2 breakups of around 9.8. Now we can have some space, to avoid the arguments of 7s and 6s that might otherwise happen, and see whether our house is still there when the ground stops moving. That was absolute bollocks, but it took me ages to type because I still can't get my brain to function so I'll leave it! Thanks Ben for taking the time to make me feel a bit more comfortable to write this all down, and sorry to anyone who's bored of my whinging! Edited January 4, 2012 by JD™ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolfa Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 and sorry to anyone who's bored of my whinging! Apology accepted 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) so it turns out the real reason behind the demise of my relationship is money, or lack of it according to her. she says she would be paying for everything, and that she couldnt do with being skint, or near skint. sorry darling, but you have 2 girls and i have a little boy, paying for the house and car and food comes before handbags, shoes and buying f**king stupid pink sparkly collars and jumpers for your dog. its not like i`m out every night pissing it up the wall, i always make sure the house is paid for and all the other stuff, food on the table and kids are looked after. so whats happened? she has gone back to her mums, with the kids, where she can live for free and spend money on shit like handbags and dog jumpers with no worry about keeping a roof over their heads, cos mummy and daddy pay for it. and her car insurance. and daddy bungs her 50 quid every week. so it appears no matter how much i tell her i love her and want to be with her, because she can`t see past the money thing. so shallow its untrue. it properly cuts me up inside, so much so that i don`t want to have another relationship for a long time. can`t be arsed with it all now. i think when you love somebody that much, that little things such as money wouldn`t matter cos you would find a way to get by. obviously not in her book. dan Edited January 5, 2012 by danchandler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaybs41282 Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 so it turns out the real reason behind the demise of my relationship is money, or lack of it according to her. she says she would be paying for everything, and that she couldnt do with being skint, or near skint. sorry darling, but you have 2 girls and i have a little boy, paying for the house and car and food comes before handbags, shoes and buying f**king stupid pink sparkly collars and jumpers for your dog. its not like i`m out every night pissing it up the wall, i always make sure the house is paid for and all the other stuff, food on the table and kids are looked after. so whats happened? she has gone back to her mums, with the kids, where she can live for free and spend money on shit like handbags and dog jumpers with no worry about keeping a roof over their heads, cos mummy and daddy pay for it. and her car insurance. and daddy bungs her 50 quid every week. so it appears no matter how much i tell her i love her and want to be with her, because she can`t see past the money thing. so shallow its untrue. it properly cuts me up inside, so much so that i don`t want to have another relationship for a long time. can`t be arsed with it all now. i think when you love somebody that much, that little things such as money wouldn`t matter cos you would find a way to get by. obviously not in her book. dan f**king hell, sounds like you're better off without her dude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 In 2010 I broke up with 'the one', then won her back a month later, but ultimately it failed again. I don't regret getting back with her, we had an amazing summer, but 3500 miles was too far in the end. When I look back at stuff in my life that I've had to give up, be it girlfriends, awesome apartments, good cities, I realise that unless I'd moved on from them, then I'd never have had even half the amazing stuff that followed in it's place. If it all pans out for the worst, have a day or two of feeling shit, then shovel some fresh coal into the firebox and prepare to weather the storm. Things level out in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Shit man Just read that. Deffo better off without her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 i am now, just back to being me and the boy. i refuse to be with someone that shallow, and also someone who expects me to put their kids before mine. i`m done with relationships and girls now, no matter how nice they seem, there is always a complete twat waiting to come out. cant be arsed with all the bullshit that goes with it. just gonna stick to friends with benefits now, much less hassle, and no strings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 just gonna stick to friends with benefits now, much less hassle, and no strings. That's all well and good until you d'ck yourself by getting one of the 'friends' pregnant like that other dipsh't did... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Contraception isn't complicated really though is it? It's designed to be simple so that peasants can understand and use it to stop them breeding. If you've already done the long term stuff and you're done having kids, consider the snip? I keep thinking about getting it done now to be honest, and I'm only 21. Not too much effort to freeze a pint of spunk after all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish-Finger-er Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Contraception isn't complicated really though is it? It's designed to be simple so that peasants can understand and use it to stop them breeding. If you've already done the long term stuff and you're done having kids, consider the snip? I keep thinking about getting it done now to be honest, and I'm only 21. Not too much effort to freeze a pint of spunk after all... your considering getting the snip??whats wrong with the age old method of not telling her where you live?? and bollocks to keeping it in the fridge, imaging coming in at 2am, and wanting some drunken scampi and chips, and getting mixed up with the jar of tartar sauce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Meh I dunno. I want to have it done, because I don't want to have kids, but then I'll probably change my mind in 20 years time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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