MadManMike Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Well predicted Mike. Single Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Bad times man. How you holding up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 Not very well, it's the first time in 7 or 8 years I can honestly say I loved a girl... Kinda knew from the start It's a horrible feeling, never been dumped before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Harrison Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 That's when it's most difficult, and I speak from experience. I'm with my second girl since 'the one', and it's hard when you keep thinking back. In my case I have to remind myself that often we only remember the good times, and not the bad stuff. Deep down I know it's the best this way, but it's still hard. That was the girl I thought I could marry, have kids with, do all that sh't with, so unbelievably beautiful. The day we hooked up remains the best of my life, bar none. And there's never been anybody else that it felt that right with. Despite the fact I'm with someone else now, I saw pictures of her with someone else on Facebook, and whilst I don't know if he's just a friend or not, it shook me. On the face of it that sounds hypocritical, but maybe it just goes to show how much of a hold she has on me despite the fact we finished for good 5 months ago. No other girl has had that effect. It'll be difficult, and the first few weeks are the hardest, but just be 100% honest with yourself. I'm not saying things weren't good, but when I look back I realise that there were things that just weren't working. And they were down to who we were, what we wanted from life, our own problems and limitations. In the short term that's ok - I was prepared to drop everything to fit in with her plans, and now I'm realising my own and doing things I always wanted to. But there'll come a time when I'm a lonely miserable old man sitting out on the step, getting drunk, and I'll wonder what would've happened if things had worked with her... My advice: stick some Tom Waits on, buy a four-pack of Special Brew, and ride out the storm. Just stay off the gin, for gods sake. So glad I stayed off the gin this year. EDIT: Just re-read what I posted... the bit about being an old man on the step sounds serious, but I was trying to be funny. Always remember that there could be someone 10 times better for you out there. I know it's easy to think there'll be nobody else, but there are almost an infinite number of possibilities waiting for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davey1991 Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Not very well, it's the first time in 7 or 8 years I can honestly say I loved a girl... Kinda knew from the start It's a horrible feeling, never been dumped before! That would tear me apart as well, now my stupid comment earlier seems harsh. Try to forget her and move on, its not easy but the quicker you get through it the better for you in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 That's when it's most difficult, and I speak from experience. I'm with my second girl since 'the one', and it's hard when you keep thinking back. In my case I have to remind myself that often we only remember the good times, and not the bad stuff. Deep down I know it's the best this way, but it's still hard. That was the girl I thought I could marry, have kids with, do all that sh't with, so unbelievably beautiful. The day we hooked up remains the best of my life, bar none. And there's never been anybody else that it felt that right with. Despite the fact I'm with someone else now, I saw pictures of her with someone else on Facebook, and whilst I don't know if he's just a friend or not, it shook me. On the face of it that sounds hypocritical, but maybe it just goes to show how much of a hold she has on me despite the fact we finished for good 5 months ago. No other girl has had that effect. It'll be difficult, and the first few weeks are the hardest, but just be 100% honest with yourself. I'm not saying things weren't good, but when I look back I realise that there were things that just weren't working. And they were down to who we were, what we wanted from life, our own problems and limitations. In the short term that's ok - I was prepared to drop everything to fit in with her plans, and now I'm realising my own and doing things I always wanted to. But there'll come a time when I'm a lonely miserable old man sitting out on the step, getting drunk, and I'll wonder what would've happened if things had worked with her... My advice: stick some Tom Waits on, buy a four-pack of Special Brew, and ride out the storm. Just stay off the gin, for gods sake. So glad I stayed off the gin this year. EDIT: Just re-read what I posted... the bit about being an old man on the step sounds serious, but I was trying to be funny. Always remember that there could be someone 10 times better for you out there. I know it's easy to think there'll be nobody else, but there are almost an infinite number of possibilities waiting for you. Thanks man, and thanks for the PM. What you're saying makes perfect sense, it doesn't make it any easier at the moment but I can see you're speaking the truth. Like you say, just gotta ride out the storm... Let's hope it passes quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Sorry for the insensitive comment before we knew what was going on Mike - I honestly didn't think your luck could be that bad Good luck keeping your head high and getting on with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hey come on, this is TF - I didn't expect all the replies to be serious. It's a given that at least one would mention AIDS... I'm nearly 27, I can take a bit of banter chaps Anyway, thanks for the support. Today was difficult at work, mind kept drifting off onto her again, add to that the fact my housemates are moving out so I've gotta find somewhere to live and I hate my job, which I'm trying to change... HOWEVER; I assume you all know "My name is Earl" right? Well I'm kinda doing what he does now, rather than paying people back for bad stuff, I'm taking on board what Sheryl said (Because she was right, to be honest). I'm far too negative, I'll always highlight the bad stuff rather than the good and I need to change that because I drive away mates and obviously now my girlfriend. I'm glad in a way that she pointed it out because it's something I never thought about, now it seems glaringly obvious. So today I started on my "positive mission" and although I have a few things to be upset about I've tried to be positive at work and keep my chin up. Life is what you make it and I intend to make mine much better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Life is what you make it and I intend to make mine much better. It's good to see stuff like that. So maybe it was for the best aye. I kinda know what you mean though, i've recently noticed that at the back end of uni I started getting quite serious with my mates and not taking jokes etc. This seemed to have reduced friendships with friends of mine, which sucked. But now i'm relaly starting to try and see everything in a jokey way. If someone takes the piss out of me looking 12 i'll just agree and join in with the banter, etc. It's actually made me so much happier. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Overall I still aim to be positive, but I just got back into Hastings after a training ride and she was walking towards me on the seafront with a friend. I managed a small smile and she did the same. 3 days ago we were kissing, cuddling, discussing stuff we were going to do soon and now we can barely even smile at each other. I won't lie, the first thing I did when I got in was cry. I miss her so much it's unreal Off to a meeting soon with my boss to discuss my job too, I can't take it anymore. I just want a way out of this mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 There's no point in cheering you up, been there in the past and it doesn't work. Time is what you need, as hard as it may sound just try not to think about her. Every time you find yourself thinking about the good times spent with her, try to focus on something else that makes you happy - be it gigs you've played at, your friends or riding if you still ride. Take up a sport, go to the gym, go shopping, get in touch with friends you haven't seen in years. These are little steps but they will help you greatly in the long run. Being single is not that bad either, try to make the most of it before you meet your next love. And most importantly - if you're aware that you need time to deal with this problem, try to spend it as "productively" as possible. I got into a rut for the same reason in late 2009 and ended up doing nothing all day long, waiting for the bad memories to fade away. After half a year I woke up and found that although I'd come to terms with what happend and didn't much care for my ex anymore, I had completely wasted 6 months of my life. It was really difficult to get back on track. It's all up to you Mike, hope you get over it soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 I think my problem is deeper than just her, that's the real issue. Those on here that really know me will know I went through a bad patch early this year that lead to drink & drugs - I don't want to take that route again. Yes I felt good at the time, but it cost me money and friends that I didn't have. I spoke to my brother and he said after he split from his wife he started taking Escitalopram and still takes 1 a day, I've always been against anti-depressants but it seems to work for him, he's confident and doing really well now and rarely in a crap mood. Where I might have previously turned to cocaine and alcohol, I'm thinking the prescription route is more sensible. It's worth talking to my doctor don't you guys think? Anyway thanks man, everything that everyone has said makes sense and I know it's true, I just need to sort myself out - I've given it time in general and I'm never truly content, which I'm putting down to chemical imbalance, which these tablets can resolve I think. I hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Give it some time first mate, you're a pretty strong person and you can at least try and deal with it yourself first. I know there are other ways around it (i know, i've gone down similar roads to you when things get a bit too shit) but keep them as your last option. You'll do better knowing you've dealt with it yourself, as opposed to letting something in a box sort it all out for you, or at least just stop you giving a shit about something everyone should care about in their life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan6061 Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Mike, that sucks man. Been kinda stalking your life story on here for a while, and I was pleased for you when it started looking up with this new girl! Real shame that it's ended, it's never easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 By all means talk to your doctor but bare in mind that you need to find strenth within yourself to deal with the problems you have now. Using anti depressants might be a way out if you're unable to work things out but I'd treat that as a last resort. Don't even think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) Give it some time first mate, you're a pretty strong person and you can at least try and deal with it yourself first. I know there are other ways around it (i know, i've gone down similar roads to you when things get a bit too shit) but keep them as your last option. You'll do better knowing you've dealt with it yourself, as opposed to letting something in a box sort it all out for you, or at least just stop you giving a shit about something everyone should care about in their life. That might be the impression I give on here and elsewhere, but really I'm not strong dude. Since early teens I've battled with my brain, I've tried loads of different things to make me happy, from photography to running. I honestly feel like I've tried everything to improve my life and whilst there's nothing majorly wrong (I have a fairly well paid job for the area, got nice possessions etc...) I just can't feel content and happy. With Sheryl everything seemed easier, my job that I hate was bearable because I knew she'd be there afterwards, but it's by no means just losing her that's made me feel this way - sure, it's amplified the feelings but they're always there, just masked slightly. I appreciate everyone's advice and I know that most of the suggested techniques work for people but I just think there's something not quite right with me. I can't really put into words what I mean, I'm pretty crap at explaining. Mike, that sucks man. Been kinda stalking your life story on here for a while, and I was pleased for you when it started looking up with this new girl! Real shame that it's ended, it's never easy. Haha, yeah I guess I'm too open on here - that must be because you're all mostly neutral, not close friends or family, so I feel I can open up more. And yeah it's a real shame, I had so many plans - I was going to leave this town and do something I really want to do rather than just pay the bills and I was hoping she'd be there with me but I guess not. I just don't know how someone can flip an emotion switch like that - one day we're fine and then the next day she doesn't want me any more. All I want is to be happy, why is that so hard? Edited June 28, 2011 by MadManMike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 That's fair bud, if you really think you're out of options by all means go and talk to your doctor about it - all i'm saying is if you keep going back to that you'll never really achieve anything? As for her, i totally agree with you. When i broke up with my ex it was very much the same thing - fine one day and just completely over the next. I was just pretty shellshocked by it and never really found out what the cause was, I just assume it must be more than met the eye! Chat to your doctor and see what they say, if you think it'll help you safely then it can't really be a bad thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Haha, yeah I guess I'm too open on here - that must be because you're all mostly neutral, not close friends or family, so I feel I can open up more. And yeah it's a real shame, I had so many plans - I was going to leave this town and do something I really want to do rather than just pay the bills and I was hoping she'd be there with me but I guess not. Go do it. Don't think, just do. You hate your job, you're not happy, and you're now single whether that's what you need or not. Perfect opportunity to go do something you want to do. If I remember right you rent your place, so give your notice. That'll give you the kick up the arse to make sure the next thing you do is something you want to? Just a suggestion... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomturd Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Sorry to hear that Mike. My advice would be to (try and) not make any rash decisions. Just let your brain settle down first, its normal to be feeling shit at the moment and now really isn't a good time to be making any serious decisions. doing really well now and rarely in a crap mood. I don't think you should 'look up' to this. Its not natural to feel happy all the time. If you beat yourself up about feeling crap occasionally then you'll never come out the other side.... As you said, think positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arw_86 Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 what job do you want mike? are you capable of getting a job in it? as in qualified to do it, or do you want a fresh start? ever been to australia? can get a years working visa, go work and live for a whole year in oz. pay is way better, its tax free, so get a sweet rebate when you get home. cost of living is more however. you will meet LOADS of new people, loads of places on the coast to choose from to work. and i cant think of a quicker way to get over someone. one day, i dont know when, you will look back on how crap you feel now and wonder to yourself why you felt crap for so long. Ive done it more than once and it pisses me off that i let myself, but its just life. good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Lol what sort of person gets pissed off because I won't "marry them" on facebook. I'm not 12 and on Bebo Love! Think i'm barking up the wrong tree with this one.. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirt jumper jake Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Lol what sort of person gets pissed off because I won't "marry them" on facebook. I'm not 12 and on Bebo Love! Think i'm barking up the wrong tree with this one.. Hahaha oh dear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 And there we go again... Damn it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Chill and enjoy yourself in the company of a variety of people/crowds. You'll soon see that there are far worse positions to be in, and whilst it's inevitable to miss her/what you had, there's also a sense of freedom that you can have back to do what you want again. Focus on enjoying yourself again and the rest will slot into place with time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) ....... Edited June 4, 2011 by MadManMike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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