Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted January 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 I've had an interesting last few days. Firstly I'll explain the conundrum. A good mate of mine used to tell me about this girl he was well into, he'd known her for years and fancied her but pretty much fell for her. Anyway, new year ish time he got drunk and finally told her how he felt and she told him she didn't want the same, she just wanted to be friends. Anyway I'd only met her a few times up to this point but she started coming into a shop a mutual friend owns and that I help out at a lot more regularly. We got chatting and just had a decentish conversation and soon added me on facebook. Once on facebook we had a awesome conversation which kept me laughing for ages. Then Thursday just gone we were just sat in the shop chatting and something pissed her off at somepoint. She mentioned that she wanted to go for a drink. A bit later on after some more conversation she just asked me directly if I wanted to go out for drinks. So we went out for a couple, ended up chatting for a few hours (felt like half an hour or so) and that was it, no flirting or any signals of interest. Then we walked home together and as we did that she asked for my number. Said goodnight and still nothing, no signals. Since then we've texting pretty much constantly. The day after the first drinks I was out in town with other mates and so was she and she came to meet me, just to say hello then buggered off with her mates (that's not me being bitter, just how I put it). We ended up texting until about 5 in the morning again, just chatting and having a real good giggle. Then saturday night we were both out in town but didn't meet up. We've still been texting all this time, not really about anything in particular but constantly. This is where you lot come in. I'm not entirely sure if she's interested or not firstly, secondly I really get along with her and am starting to like her but my mate is properly into her and was pretty badly cut up by the rejection. I kinda feel like it'd be wrong for me to pursue a relationship of any sort with her other then friendship because of him. Thirdly if I find out she is interested how do I either tell him I'm going to do it or tell her I won't be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 First up, she's clearly interested. That's a given. The hard bit is not being a c-unit to your mate that likes her. If he's still hung up about it then be slightly cautious, at least with regards to how you act about things between you and her when you're with him. At the end of the day if the two of you like each other then you should go for it, but don't be a douche to your friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Men need to feel a sense of accomplishment when getting with a girl. The harder a bird is to catch, the more rewarding the whole experience and to me that's what it's all about. You realise that this basically means that it's the game of getting the girl you are more interested in than the girl herself? Personally I have no interest in that game, like most social games, and would just be really pleased to meet a hot, intelligent and interesting girl that was really into me (you b*****d). Letting the game come before those other things is only going to cause you to miss out on what's infinitely more meaningful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Luke's bang on - she's interested (and not very subtle, at that!) for sure. The choice from there is how much you value the 'bros before hoes' mentality. I don't know your mate, but if he's the sort of guy who can concede defeat (to her, not to you) then you can give it a go - hopefully you'll get his support when he's realised he never really stood a chance. Then again, even if he does seem that way, it's likely to eat at him in some way or another, and I doubt your friendship would ever be exactly the same again. It's a real touchy situation and only you can really be the judge of how you feel and how you think the others would feel and react to any given action on your part. Er, good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Just go for it with the new girl, don't rub it in your mates face though, which I'm sure you wouldn't considering how you wrote that post. I'm sure he will still be your mate... can't let this opportunity drop because you are not wanting to offend your friend. She seems into you.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Quinn Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Ask him first though standard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Ask him first though standard. I concur. Be honest with the guy. If he finds out other ways, likelyhood he's gonna be pissed at you for quite some time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 You realise that this basically means that it's the game of getting the girl you are more interested in than the girl herself? Personally I have no interest in that game, like most social games, and would just be really pleased to meet a hot, intelligent and interesting girl that was really into me (you b*****d). Letting the game come before those other things is only going to cause you to miss out on what's infinitely more meaningful. Well yes, the game is very important because that's where emotions and a bond start growing from. You say you have no interest in the game, but surely there is one before any relationship? It's how it's played that finally brings two people together. You don't sit around thinking "yeah, I was going to go to the dentist today but I'll fall in love with that girl instead and then go clean the frying pan which has been in the sink for the last 3 days". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted January 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 There was never any doubt I was gonna speak to him first. I just don't know, I won't do anything with her before I've spoken to him about it but I don't want to speak to him and then not have anything happen and potentially piss him off. Part of it that's filling with me with doubt is they were like best mates and he's now not really talking to her. I think she's just looking for someone to kinda replace him and I've filled that role. She's talking about other guys with me, as well as normal stuff which is something reserved for guys that girls are generally not interested in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Well yes, the game is very important because that's where emotions and a bond start growing from. You say you have no interest in the game, but surely there is one before any relationship? It's how it's played that finally brings two people together. You don't sit around thinking "yeah, I was going to go to the dentist today but I'll fall in love with that girl instead and then go clean the frying pan which has been in the sink for the last 3 days". I'm not sure we mean the same thing when we each say "game". Yeah I enjoyed flirting, particularly so with the most meaningful girl that's been in my life, but that just came to a part of our relationship anyway. I don't see how the chasing game (you have to chase, not her) carries over into a relationship and it certainly doesn't play any role in the longevity and depth of a relationship which, for me, is based on connection. I'm happy just sharing interesting conversation, humour, teasing, etc. as you would with anyone but when it has a certain depth to it and you find yourself liking them, you take it further. No real rules about how it must proceed; just feeling which I feel is much more sincere. Basically what I'm saying is that a game is not a connection and a connection is what's important. I mean more than this, in the sense that games are the prevailing rule in most areas of life, but I'm too tired right now to really add anymore. I will say that I have no idea what you mean with your analogy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) Okay, been seeing this girl, she has no other possible 'guys' affiliated with her at the moment, all in good. So after watching Shawshank (classic) just now things get a little heated, we are both in a sober state of mind. Maybe I'm just an expectant cnut, but am I wrong to think that if you are both naked, doing everything but the main thing and she of course isn't on, that you are guaranteed sex? What could have been a pretty good night in with a woman has turned into something I would have much rather done myself. Edited January 25, 2011 by Captain Scarlet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trialsmax04 Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 In regards to mr scarlet, did you try to take it to the next stage? Seems odd that if you got that far not to go the whole hog. Sometimes women are a little laid back (excuse the pun!) and wait for the gent to take action maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I did indeed, she replied "I'm not that easy". Which was kinda confusing as she was obviously eager and stark naked...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) I did indeed, she replied "I'm not that easy". Which was kinda confusing as she was obviously eager and stark naked...? Not always the case? The exact same thing happened with me and a good friend of mine earlier last year, we'd organised her stopping at mine as it's easier for her getting home from this party.. so we did, both laid out on the double bed in the middle of my floor, naked apart from socks haha and yeah she said the exact same, and went "we're just friends right?" so then she just did, yeah, exactly what I could have done alot better... Not complaining though as my parents were next door, and she was still a big V. It was nice though as we were both completely sober as we barely drank at the party. She keeps asking me to come down to her Uni in Bristol for "fun times" but the train ticket return is absolutely ludicrous! Edited January 25, 2011 by dann2707 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalopS Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 She keeps asking me to come down to her Uni in Bristol for "fun times" but the train ticket return is absolutely ludicrous! mix it with a days riding in bristol and itl be totally worth the ticket cost! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) mix it with a days riding in bristol and itl be totally worth the ticket cost! Exactly! I told her Bristol is meant to be awesome for riding so now she keeps saying come and ride Bristol!! I think it's win win! She's pretty hot aswell. Edited January 25, 2011 by dann2707 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
club_card Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I did indeed, she replied "I'm not that easy". Which was kinda confusing as she was obviously eager and stark naked...? You should have replied with "I like a challenge" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 A simple "I guarantee I'm harder" would have sufficed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
club_card Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 A simple "I guarantee I'm harder" would have sufficed... Yes that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm not sure we mean the same thing when we each say "game". Yeah I enjoyed flirting, particularly so with the most meaningful girl that's been in my life, but that just came to a part of our relationship anyway. I don't see how the chasing game (you have to chase, not her) carries over into a relationship and it certainly doesn't play any role in the longevity and depth of a relationship which, for me, is based on connection. For me the game basically consists of a combination of flirting and chasing with a number of other behaviours (usually planned with much consideration to achieve a desired effect). It's fun and it keeps one on one's toes. Personally I need this on top of interesting conversations, humour and other key elements you've mentioned in order to fall in love. Otherwise it just ends with a long lasting friendship where you appreciate the other person, but don't really feel a strong emotional bond with them. The amount of female friends I have because of the "game" not going as planned is, well, substantial. My two most meaningful relationships started with us toying each other for almost a year. The longer this lasted, the more I wanted to be with the other person. In both these relationships the game deteriorated over time once we were already in a relationship because we didn't need it anymore. With another girl who's now my best friend, the chase finished suddenly and as a result our relationship fell apart around 1 month after it had properly started. Clearly we were both more interested in getting together than being together. As for the analogy, I honestly have no idea. I definitely had the frying pan in my head, it was covered in burned bacon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolfa Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 In both these relationships the game deteriorated over time once we were already in a relationship because we didn't need it anymore. So basically you want to play a game that you can't win, with someone with the same mentality and then never get with them..? Why don't you have a change of tactic and go for something different, it might actually work out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 and then never get with them..? In both these relationships the game deteriorated over time once we were already in a relationship I don't feel the need to change my tactics. Aside from it usually taking ages for me to find someone I like, they've worked so far. Besides, I don't know of a way of forcefully inducing emotions towards another person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 She keeps asking me to come down to her Uni in Bristol for "fun times" but the train ticket return is absolutely ludicrous! You tried Trainline for a cheap ticket man? do it, sounds like a real win situation!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 You tried Trainline for a cheap ticket man? do it, sounds like a real win situation!!! Thanks for the website mate. "Off-Peak Return Any off-peak train. Return within 1 month." = £52 with a railcard!! That's epic. Looks like this is definitely on the cards then. I think she's coming home this weekend anyway and she lives around 10 miles away from my Uni so she says if she does come home she's gonna come out here for a night out so we can discuss further then x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Anscombe Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 i want a girl friend.....i have no confidence or self belife in my self anymore i hate being on my own Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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