Teenage Angst Communal Agony Aunt Thread

[anzo]

Has anyone on here actually been friends with their ex after breaking up? I'm curious as to whether it's possible. I'm sure we've all heard "let's be friends" so many times but from my experience it never works.

Ahhh, it does work; friendship is a pretty natural thing - you don't go up to someone and say 'lets be friends', doesn't work that way.

I'm good friends with my ex, we both have other partners now. We're not best of friends or anything, but we stay in touch and all that - and looking back now, even though I spent 3 years with her, it seems insignificant. I see her as a mate, not an ex - sometimes it feels like we were never even together in the first place.

We broke up on bad terms, but we both got over it, moved on and grew up and now we're pretty casual about it all...the past is the past.

As you've just broke up with your girlfriend, don't be friends just now - I can promise you it'll turn sour as there are still a lot of feelings between you, good or bad which will make it difficult.

Take some time out, try to move on a bit before considering friendship and then its more likely to work out better (:

[Greetings]

Lisa - helped me out by bringing her car over to give me a jump start the other week, and I bought her a drink to say thanks but we probably wont speak again until either of us needs something. Emily, the one I broke up with about 6 months ago after 3 years, speaks to me every now and again. Just talking about getting a scholarship for her 3rd year at Uni and how I helped so much and stuff, but again we wont just chat to see how the other one is but only when we've got some news or a favour or to talk about the vast sums of money I owe her!

Sounds like that's how mine might look like soon. Natalie was never my soul mate, we couldn't talk heart to heart since she didn't understand my concerns, we didn't laugh much and our relationship revolved around me doing a lot for her, unofficially helping her financially by taking some of the load off her etc. She never did much for me but I don't see how she could - she wasn't mobile, she earned very little and was adamant about being independent and not take money off her parents, plus she didn't have much time. We were together for no apparent reason apart from me thinking she was f**king beautiful and charming. Just thinking aloud, I'm pretty sure our "friendship" will wear out soon and probably revolve around the occasional favour like in your story.

[Dave Anscombe]

f**k women!.......i mean iterally just f**k them.

I know so many of you are having some serious problems here It sucks i know......but you can all get over it in time the sooner yall learn women were put here for 3 reasons the better...1 to f**k.2 to clean.3 to f**k some more

Edited November 3, 2009 by Dave Anscombe

[Luke Rainbird]

I thought you were having a kid, Dave?

[Fish-Finger-er]

Has anyone on here actually been friends with their ex after breaking up? I'm curious as to whether it's possible. I'm sure we've all heard "let's be friends" so many times but from my experience it never works. However, the relationship with my ex is certainly going that way partly because we go to the same group at uni and partly because I don't want to loose someone I've done so much for. I'm not sure if it's a good idea? We can't pretend not to know each other, that's gay.

Anyone had a similar situation and would like to share their experiences?

Yay and nay, up until about 3 weeks ago, I was still good friends with my ex from 5 years ago.looked out for each other etc, the only problem came, when ever she got out of a relationship, things became semi awkward. due to the fact that our relationship ended so I could go and be a dickhead 70 miles away all summer, and not because either of us fell out, or went off the other. So it worked 90% of the time. Only thing was I felt several times it stopped me from getting with girls due to her. (Fish knows one of them), others she just despised, and one was her ex best friend. But then all but one, I wouldnt of met if it wasnt for her. We fell out over a stupid thing(her interperating somethings I said in the wrong way), I know shes probably expecting an apology off me, so things can get back to normal, but as I dont see I was in the wrong, I doubt shell be getting one. I do kind of miss just chatting shit with her on an evening over msn, but meh, thats life.

[Dave Anscombe]

I thought you were having a kid, Dave?

yeah what does this have to do with anything ?

[Luke Rainbird]

Well presumably they're there for slightly more than sex, hygiene and more sex?

[Fishy]

You think too much.

[Echo-Scott]

yeah what does this have to do with anything ?

I love you Dave

[Pashley26]

f**k women!.......i mean iterally just f**k them.

I know so many of you are having some serious problems here It sucks i know......but you can all get over it in time the sooner yall learn women were put here for 3 reasons the better...1 to f**k.2 to clean.3 to f**k some more

lol !

[Winnie]

Well, all my moaning and depression the other week seemed to be turning on the up side. The 6.5 year relationship looked like it could be saved and started to get back on track again and we both were happy to try and sort things out and get back to having fun. Things were going great but last night we had a totally raging domestic in which i nearly smashed her head through a window.

She started being arsey with me because she wanted to go shopping last night but i couldn't be bothered and i said i was tired but i'd go another night. Being a women, this was not acceptable and started being moody.

I went to the game Monday night and didn't get home till nearly 2am and had to be at work for 8am so i was cream crackered and wanted a lazy night. Ever since we started going out she has had a little issue with me going to football, she won't admit it but sometimes you can just tell she's not overly keen on me going. I'm not sure what it is but it has caused little problems in the past albeit nothing too serious.

Anyway, she snapped at me for asking if she was ok (she snapped at me all morning pretty much everytime we spoke) and i lost it completely and started shouting at her and i told her to pull her head out of her arse. This went down like a lead ballon as you can imagine.

After the huge barny things simmered down and we got back to being civil but there was still a frost in the air. We're now talking again more relaxed and have gone past it but there's still a little bit of an atmosphere. I'm not the type to hold a grudge and sulk about it but last night i was concerned we were back to square one but i'm past caring about breaking up now and just going to take it as it comes. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, preferrably with her but what will be will be and it's not going to get me down.

I'm basically putting this down to her being a women and nothing else. Agree?

[Pashley26]

I'm basically putting this down to her being a women and nothing else. Agree?

It's your fault for not understanding them.

I don't now your missus' and I doubt I ever will, but I can put money on when she says "I want to go shopping tonight" she actually means "you are coming shopping with me tonight !"

I can hardly give advice though, I'm the biggest over analyzer there is.

Unfortunately it's getting the balance right, women like the idea of "taming" a man and getting him to do things for them whilst still retaining the rough and ready look and feel. Most women can't stand me because I always bend over backwards for them and tend to be on my best behavior all the time, but then I say no and do some pretty manly things and they go off on one about it.

It's knowing when to and when not to say yes and no, I couldn't tell you what all those things are because I'm still learning. But I can say if a woman wants to go shopping at an irrational time then just say yes, to save yourself !

[Winnie]

It's your fault for not understanding them.

I don't now your missus' and I doubt I ever will, but I can put money on when she says "I want to go shopping tonight" she actually means "you are coming shopping with me tonight !"

I can hardly give advice though, I'm the biggest over analyzer there is.

Unfortunately it's getting the balance right, women like the idea of "taming" a man and getting him to do things for them whilst still retaining the rough and ready look and feel. Most women can't stand me because I always bend over backwards for them and tend to be on my best behavior all the time, but then I say no and do some pretty manly things and they go off on one about it.

It's knowing when to and when not to say yes and no, I couldn't tell you what all those things are because I'm still learning. But I can say if a woman wants to go shopping at an irrational time then just say yes, to save yourself !

She can be quite bossy but i can handle that and it doesn't bother me. You are pretty spot on with the theory of "i would like to" = "we are" but she would never admit that. If i said no to something she'd just sulk and then i get the picture. The thing is we've been going out 6.5 years and i know her all too well but i still foolishly "think for myself" at times.

However, i'm the type of guy that would do anything for anyone most of the time and when she wants something she expects it so on the odd occassion when i need a little flexibility she sometimes kicks up a stink i.e. last night. I guess that's why she doesn't like me going to football because if she wants to do something there's absolutely no chance because football comes first - well i've paid for the ticket!!

I laugh over it most times but i cracked last night which i shouldn't have done because, yeah she was being moody, but i shouldn't have said some of the things i did. However, i feel great today so maybe letting off all the steam that's been building up over the last few weeks has done me good.

[Pashley26]

Just sit back and chill out then, if you can read her then just don't let it get to you.

The worst thing for me is chasing them, for instance I'm just starting to get pretty close to a woman I've been chasing for months and things are looking good. But I'm a fair few years younger than she is so she reads me chasing her as immaturity, neediness and generally being a bit clingy. Where as I just want to chat with her, and spark a bit more romance and sort out going out next. The thing to do is to just sit back and chill out but I can't because she's on my mind all day every day, just like you in your situation I know what I should do but for some reason I just can't.

[Winnie]

Just sit back and chill out then, if you can read her then just don't let it get to you.

The worst thing for me is chasing them, for instance I'm just starting to get pretty close to a woman I've been chasing for months and things are looking good. But I'm a fair few years younger than she is so she reads me chasing her as immaturity, neediness and generally being a bit clingy. Where as I just want to chat with her, and spark a bit more romance and sort out going out next. The thing to do is to just sit back and chill out but I can't because she's on my mind all day every day, just like you in your situation I know what I should do but for some reason I just can't.

They do get hold of you like and sometimes it feels like you just can't win.

You obviously like the girl and it's hard when you both aren't quite on the same wave length. Have you tried explaing how you feel and what you want?

[Pashley26]

They do get hold of you like and sometimes it feels like you just can't win.

You obviously like the girl and it's hard when you both aren't quite on the same wave length. Have you tried explaing how you feel and what you want?

Yeah, it was a long story...

I've been chasing her for 7/8 months, for about the last 6 months we've just been going out for dinner, cinema, cuddling up and watching films at hers and it was a bit of a stalemate.

The other weekend I got really drunk, stayed at hers, did the deed for the first time together etc etc. But I find showing emotion really hard, and she knows that, anyway I was pretty hammered and kind of told her I loved her and that things were looking good, and what did she think of me. And then me being a twat I just cannot remember what she said, absolutely no clue.

The next morning things were good, she made me breakfast and we were pretty chatty and it all felt right. But I haven't seen her since, I sent her a couple of texts and got one reply which was completely irrelevant to "us" unfortunately.

I've done some work on her sisters bike so I'm waiting on her phoning me to tell me when I can drop it off, I really want to ask her out to the bonfire tomorrow night and I also really want her to come out on Saturday when her sister gets back from Uni but I don't know how to ask her.

I'll sort it out, I'll probably just ask her straight up as and when she phones me tonight knowing me. I just feel like a twat for forgetting what she said to me, if I could remember what she said I'd know where I stand and wouldn't be playing mind games with myself !

[Greetings]

So ask her what she said but obviously not directly. You need to steer the conversation in the right way, like in the Family Guy episode Peter's Two Dads. You might want to watch that before taking action.

And the worst thing you can do after a night like that is insist on seeing each other again. Give her more time if she's obviously not sure what she wants.

[Winnie]

Yeah, it was a long story...

I've been chasing her for 7/8 months, for about the last 6 months we've just been going out for dinner, cinema, cuddling up and watching films at hers and it was a bit of a stalemate.

The other weekend I got really drunk, stayed at hers, did the deed for the first time together etc etc. But I find showing emotion really hard, and she knows that, anyway I was pretty hammered and kind of told her I loved her and that things were looking good, and what did she think of me. And then me being a twat I just cannot remember what she said, absolutely no clue.

The next morning things were good, she made me breakfast and we were pretty chatty and it all felt right. But I haven't seen her since, I sent her a couple of texts and got one reply which was completely irrelevant to "us" unfortunately.

I've done some work on her sisters bike so I'm waiting on her phoning me to tell me when I can drop it off, I really want to ask her out to the bonfire tomorrow night and I also really want her to come out on Saturday when her sister gets back from Uni but I don't know how to ask her.

I'll sort it out, I'll probably just ask her straight up as and when she phones me tonight knowing me. I just feel like a twat for forgetting what she said to me, if I could remember what she said I'd know where I stand and wouldn't be playing mind games with myself !

I think showing emotion is pretty much something that most blokes find difficult. I didn't tell my girlfirend i loved her until after a couple of years of going out even though she told me after a couple of months. I just couldn't do it for some reason, even when pissed, even though i knew i did.

If you can't remember because you were wasted i would ask her again and just be honest that you can't remember and explain how you feel. I know it's hard but getting stuff straight out there tends to be the best way to go i reckon. I'm being a bit of a hypocryite there like but when i have sucked it up it has certainly been worth it. Was she hammered too? If so, she might not remember what you said or even what she said? She might be in the same boat and a little confused?

It's hard for your brain to relax ain't it when the women is there!!

Good luck pal!!

[Pashley26]

So ask her what she said but obviously not directly. You need to steer the conversation in the right way, like in the Family Guy episode Peter's Two Dads. You might want to watch that before taking action.

And the worst thing you can do after a night like that is insist on seeing each other again. Give her more time if she's obviously not sure what she wants.

I know, it's just annoying me now though. Because a week or so ago we probably had a bit to much to drunk and decided that getting together was a good thing, and this week I'm desperate to get in touch with her because I want to see her again, but I also don't want to f**k things up

I really need her this week too, my parents are arguing constantly and my mums really upset which is getting to me loads. My mums gone away for the next three days which leaves me at home with my stepdad who's just such a fanny, I'd do anything for a reason to get out the house and see her

And Winnie, no she wasn't drunk at all. She'd been working all night and was stone sober...

Edited November 4, 2009 by Pashley26

[Greetings]

Meh, one week is long. Why don't you just act cool, call her up and tell her that you're really upset because of your parents and you'd like to talk about it.

[Winnie]

I know, it's just annoying me now though. Because a week or so ago we probably had a bit to much to drunk and decided that getting together was a good thing, and this week I'm desperate to get in touch with her because I want to see her again, but I also don't want to f**k things up

I really need her this week too, my parents are arguing constantly and my mums really upset which is getting to me loads. My mums gone away for the next three days which leaves me at home with my stepdad who's just such a fanny, I'd do anything for a reason to get out the house and see her

And Winnie, no she wasn't drunk at all. She'd been working all night and was stone sober...

Bad times mate, hope things work out home.

Have you spoke since the other weekend other than the couple of texts? I'd give her a ring for a bit of a general chat without throwing any relationship questions in and see what the response is like. If good, ask to meet up for whatever you're planning, if not so good just ease off and wait a little while. Like Greetings says ease on the topic of the weekend if you can but don't force it.

[Pashley26]

Cheers guys

Well, I spoke to her once about her sisters bike.

I went round there last night and got the bike and took it into work to fix it today, I sent her a text saying simply "Your sisters bikes done X" And she just sent me a text saying thanks and asking if they owed me much. I replied to her "Haha, your dad thought I was robbing your house because he saw me go down your drive way ! Of cause you don't owe me anything. Give me a call when you get home, I fancy a chat X"

If she's interested she'll call me when she gets home, can't say fairer than that !

Edited November 4, 2009 by Pashley26

[Dan6061]

Has anyone on here actually been friends with their ex after breaking up? I'm curious as to whether it's possible. I'm sure we've all heard "let's be friends" so many times but from my experience it never works. However, the relationship with my ex is certainly going that way partly because we go to the same group at uni and partly because I don't want to loose someone I've done so much for. I'm not sure if it's a good idea? We can't pretend not to know each other, that's gay.

Anyone had a similar situation and would like to share their experiences?

Sooort of...

I was with a girl, which then ended. (To say the least) Didn't talk to eachother for a while, because she hurt me. Then we just got chatting, and became friends. I'm still mad about her now though, and we broke up a few years back! It's crazy. But yeah, I'm sure we're just friends, it's never led to anything more... but my feelings are still there.

[Winnie]

Cheers guys

Well, I spoke to her once about her sisters bike.

I went round there last night and got the bike and took it into work to fix it today, I sent her a text saying simply "Your sisters bikes done X" And she just sent me a text saying thanks and asking if they owed me much. I replied to her "Haha, your dad thought I was robbing your house because he saw me go down your drive way ! Of cause you don't owe me anything. Give me a call when you get home, I fancy a chat X"

If she's interested she'll call me when she gets home, can't say fairer than that !

Just to check, she will have credit on her phone or whatever won't she? Just in case she can't ring you and you start to get a little worried. My mate went bonkers at his lass because she never called him one night and to cut a long story short it was because she didn't have any credit - It's safe to say he looked quite the pratt.

Yep, that sounds a good approach, hope all goes well!

[Pashley26]

Just to check, she will have credit on her phone or whatever won't she? Just in case she can't ring you and you start to get a little worried. My mate went bonkers at his lass because she never called him one night and to cut a long story short it was because she didn't have any credit - It's safe to say he looked quite the pratt.

Yep, that sounds a good approach, hope all goes well!

lol !

Contract

Doesn't everybody ditch pay as you go as soon as they're 18 ?