PaRtZ Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 Why do black people only have nightmares?the last one that had a dream got shot :lol: Whats green and smells like blue paint?Green paint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickyb Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 A german family are at a sports shop to get there latest germany football shirt. The young lad turns to his mum and say "mum, i have decided to be an english fan" the boys mum looks at him in disgust and slaps the boy and say " no son of mine is going to be an english fan go to your sister!" so he walks over to his sister holding his head in pain and says to his sister "right i have decided to be and english fan could you buy me this england shirt" she drops her shopping and without a word she hits the boy round his head once again. "go to your dad!" she say to him, so he walk over to his dad and without thinking he say to his dad "look dad i want to be an english fan and what an england shirt will you get me one " the boys dad turns to him and shouts "NEVER!!" and slaps the poor kid once again. as they are getting into the car the farther turns to his son and says"ok son have you learnt anything today?" the boy rubbing his head says "yeah i have " suprised the dad says " good and what would that be?" the boy says angrily "i have been an english fan for just over an hour now and i already hate you german c**ts!" A thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halliday Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 there was a guy parked up in london in the early hours trying to have a quick nap,a jogger runs past and knocks on his window "have you got the time mate", "7.30" he replies,so he puts the window up and tries to get back to sleep,5 mins later the same things happens with another jogger, "7.35" he replies and tries to get back to sleep,another 5 minutes pass by, it happens again, at this point he starts to get annoyed so he puts a sign in his window sayin "i do not no what the time is",5 minutes later another jogger knocks on his window and says "its ten to 8 mate" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinky Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 (edited) ..................................good one Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor".Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out! Where's the car."Wife: "In the pool." Edited July 13, 2006 by blinky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeNNy Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 there was a guy parked up in london in the early hours trying to have a quick nap,a jogger runs past and knocks on his window "have you got the time mate", "7.30" he replies,so he puts the window up and tries to get back to sleep,5 mins later the same things happens with another jogger, "7.35" he replies and tries to get back to sleep,another 5 minutes pass by, it happens again, at this point he starts to get annoyed so he puts a sign in his window sayin "i do not no what the time is",5 minutes later another jogger knocks on his window and says "its ten to 8 mate"Hahaha, Pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 why dont black people like country and western music?Because every time they hear "hoe down" they think someone shot their sister.A Black joke I havent heard !!Why do black people only have nightmares?the last one that had a dream got shotAnd again :lol: Whats green and smells like blue paint?Green paintTrust you to come out with something so shit its funny.there was a guy parked up in london in the early hours trying to have a quick nap,a jogger runs past and knocks on his window "have you got the time mate", "7.30" he replies,so he puts the window up and tries to get back to sleep,5 mins later the same things happens with another jogger, "7.35" he replies and tries to get back to sleep,another 5 minutes pass by, it happens again, at this point he starts to get annoyed so he puts a sign in his window sayin "i do not no what the time is",5 minutes later another jogger knocks on his window and says "its ten quarter to 8 mate"Like that joke, just one minor problem My entry:What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?A Hard-on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamtrials Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 How do you get a baby out of a blender?Doritos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicH_87 Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 whats red and blue?purple.i just made that up now, can you tell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 Dunno if this has been said but it had me in stitches for f**kin ages, might be just my sick humour...How do you kill 1000 flies at once??Punch an etheopean in the face... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott-mad Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 hahahahaha that made me actually laugh out loud. seems most people on here have a 'controversial' sense of humour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danno Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 1.) Two condoms are on a night out and they walk past a gay bar, one says to the other ''lets go get shit faced''2.) There is a woman who is pregnant to triplets, anyway she goes into labour and her boyfriend decides he isn't ready for kids so quickly gets all his stuff and leaves.The pregnant woman now has no transport and their is no taxi's around so starts walking to the hospital, she takes a shortcut through a dark alleyway and some guy comes out and shoots her 3 times in the stomach. Anyway she was ok and the triplets were ok, two of them were girls and the other was a boy. 16 years later..........One of the girls goes to her mum shouting 'mum! you will never guess what?!' the mother says 'what?!', the girl responds 'I was in the toilet having a poo and a bullet came out', the mother looks at her in some shock and then tells her what happened down the alleyway 16 years ago.The next day the second girl goes to her mum, and says the same thing; 'mum! you will never guess what?!' the mother says 'what?!', the girl responds 'I was in the toilet having a poo and a bullet came out', the mother looks at her in some shock and then tells her what happened down the alleyway 16 years ago.The next day the boy goes up to his mum shouting 'mum! you will never guess what has just happened?!' the mother says 'you was in the toilet having a poo and a bullet came out?' the boy looks at her and says 'no, I was jacking off and I shot a dog'.3.) A guy walks into a pharmacy and goes up to the counter and buys a packet of 10 condoms, the pharmacist goes 'their you go, enjoy' the guy walks out.The next day the guy walks into the pharmacy and buys another packet of 10 condoms, the pharmacist is thinking blimey this guy must be having alot of sex, anyway the guy walks out with his packet of 10 condoms.The next day this guy comes in and buys another packet of 10 condoms, the pharmacist sells him them and thinks this can't be right, so he closes the store and follows this guy. Anyway this guy opens the condoms and then starts stamping on them. The pharmacist goes to him 'what are you doing?!' the guy responds 'Oh, this is how I stop smoking'.4.) There is a guy sat on the train and opposite him is this really gorgeous blonde, she is wearing an ultra short skirt on so the guy looks up it to see what underwear she is wearing, to his amazement she isn't wearing any! so he is just sat their staring...The girl looks at him and says 'are you staring at my vagina?' the guy looks up and says 'yes, sorry'. The girl giggles and says 'don't worry, its pretty amazing isn't it? I can make it do tricks'. The guy looks puzzled. The girl says 'look il make it wink at you' and her vagina winks at him... The guy goes 'WOW! that is amazing, can you do any other tricks?!' the girl says 'yes, I will make it blow a kiss at you' and sure enough it does. The guy is just sat their in shock.The girl smiles at him and asks him to sit next to her, so he does. She says to him 'stick your fingers up their' the guy looks at her and then says 'why can it whistle as well!!!' The end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinky Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 i dont get number three.....o wellFirst year class in London comes in from break. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at break?"Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a cookie."She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Joe what he did at break.Joe says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a cookie."Joe does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Mahmoud what he did at break.He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Joe, but they threw rocks at me."Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bendee Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 sophie ellis bextor was found dead on a footballers floor...it was murder on zidane's floor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 sophie ellis bextor was found dead on a footballers floor...it was murder on zidane's floor GENIE-ARSE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott-mad Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 sophie ellis bextor was found dead on a footballers floor...it was murder on zidane's floori was almost sick in my mouth when i read that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinky Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 (edited) oh dearA newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs wide open, eating a slice of watermelon.The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs wide open, eating another slice of watermelon.Not being put off by his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly."I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon." Edited July 14, 2006 by blinky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 oh dearhmmm Your other one was better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir trial a lot Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 oh dearA newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs wide open, eating a slice of watermelon.The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs wide open, eating another slice of watermelon.Not being put off by his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly."I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thats sick but funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinky Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 (edited) A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his doritos in your neck."-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. Edited July 14, 2006 by blinky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickyb Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 (edited) one day a bar tender is stood behind his bar cleaning glasses and a home-less person walks in and the bar tender looks at him and says, "hey! we don't serve your type around here. get out !"the home-less person look at the bartender and says "no i don't want a drink i just want a tooth pick" the guy wanting to get him out of his pub quickly gives him a toothpick and sends him on his way. a few hours pass and another home-less person walks in, the bar tender says "right get out of here i am not going to serve you a drink just get out!" the homeless guy looks at him and says "no i don't want a drink i just want a tooth pick" the bar tender starts to wonder whats going on with all these tramps coming in and asking for a tooth pick so he gives him one and sends him on his way. another hour passes and another home-less person walks in and the bar tender turns to him and says, "right thats it iv had enough of your type get out!" the tramp looks over his way and says, "no,no i don't want a drink i just want a straw" the bar tender looks puzzled picks up a straw and says " if i give you this straw i want to know what you are going to do with it " the trap says ok so he chucks him the straw and says "right now whats going on with all you tramps asking me for things today?" the tramp picks up his straw and says "someone has been sick out side and all the good bits have gone" Edited July 14, 2006 by rickyb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil white Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 as seen by the frenchas seen by the italiansas seen by the americansas seen by the press Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his doritos in your neck."-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. That first one is sick, but the second one ahahahahahahaha i actually LOL ed at that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyoyo Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Just heard this off some program my dads watching.A blonde and a brunette were talking about christmas.The brunette says " Christmas falls on a friday this year"The blonde says " I hope it won't be Friday the 13th"I found it funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamHolmes Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 (edited) Two packets of crisps going down a road, a car pulls up and says 'Want a lift mate?', the crisps reply, 'No thanks mate, were walkers'A bloke walks into a fish and chip shop and asks for fish and chips twice, the person replys, 'I heard you the first time'.Oh dear Edited July 18, 2006 by SamHolmes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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