Alan Posted May 13, 2007 Report Share Posted May 13, 2007 im not racist but this did make me laughwhy do black people have white palms???theres a little good in everyoneNo. It's where god put them on all fours to spray em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrbanPoet Posted May 14, 2007 Report Share Posted May 14, 2007 What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?Ian Curtis.I should think he's a little past being blue... especially as he was cremated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Booth Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Heard 2 corkers today, needed to share them...Woman is stood in her bedroom, looking into a mirror, 'I feel fat and Ugly, Pay me a compliment' she says to her husband sat on the bed'Your eyesight is cracking'Paddy and Murphy are walking through a forest in Australia, They see a crocodile at the side of a lake, and notice a mans head poking out the mouth,Paddy says to Murphy'Look at that flash fanny with his Lacoste sleeping bag' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamHolmes Posted June 8, 2007 Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 See sig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Sheehan! Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 BUMP! Havent seen this thread for ages!1.A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big boobs."2. MAN: "Hello"WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes."WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."MAN: "How much?"WOMAN: "$65,000."MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
domonza Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 What do you call bin laden with two black eyes bin battered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrayvon Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 (edited) Farmer needs a new cockeral to mate and get him more money. So he heads off down to pub and asks about. One man approachs him, "ere mate, meet me out back in 5, got just what you need".So the farmer does as he's told and meets hims outside."This cock is the cock of all cocks, it will shag ANYTHING!""thats just what i need!" so the farmer buys it and takes it home.He puts it in with all the chickens and quick as a flash, it runs to the first, shags it, then goes to the second. Once he'd done all the chickens, he quickly ran over to the geese, shags alll these too! "woah slow down! You'l tire yourself out!"But the cock keeps going, and moves onto the sheep!"blooody hell i'd best leave him to it" So the farmer goes to bed.He gets up in the morning and goes out to find the cock lying in the middle of the yard with buzzards circleing above."oh no! He's gone and killed himself from too much sex! I knew that would happen!"The cock opens one eye and says, ssshhhh, there getting closer Edited June 21, 2007 by Merlin man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrayvon Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 (edited) Another to add:This guys sat in a pub, and another man approaches him. "ere mate, wanna buy a ferret?""Why the fuk would I want to buy a ferret?!" says the man."This is no ordinary ferret, this ferret gives the best blow jobs EVER!" says the stranger"How the hell can a ferret give a better blow job than me women?" asks the man."Tell you what, take it out back for a test, then try telling me you don't want it!"So the man takes the ferret out the back and lets it out. Quick as a flash it un-zips his pants and gives him the blow job of a lifetime! The man comes back in, "I want this ferret!" So he buys the ferret and takes it home to his wife. "Look what i've bought! I bought a ferret!""Why the hell do you want a ferret?!" says his wife."Well you can teach it to cook, then fuk off!"Sorry about the bad language, thats just how I heard it Thats how men in pubs talk anyway.... Edited June 22, 2007 by Merlin man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamHolmes Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Two chickens in a bath tub, one says to the other 'Bbwwaaarrrkkk Burk buk' (chicken noise) The other turns around and says 'I'll turn the hot water off then' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicH_87 Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 knock knockwho's there?Little Boy BlueLittle Boy Blue who?Michael Jackson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishy Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 knock knockwho's therethethe who Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Cox Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 all these jokes are a bit clean lolHow do you get a nun pregnant?Rape her.what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?Nothing, you've already told her twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 What a f**king joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Sheehan! Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 (edited) That is a f**king joke.Bum love to make it better? Edited June 22, 2007 by sheehan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King C Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Riding your bike? Or actual illegal joy riding? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 (edited) Mini dirt bike, on an empty playing field, in a reasonable manor. I know it's still illegal though, i've read countless official things, so no lectures please Edited June 22, 2007 by Fat Pants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future orange 660 Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 and by a pcso lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Haha, yeah, fake filth for the lose, sorry Eric (Collegeboy)Although, i might have came out worse if it was propper filth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbra Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Theres a couple in a big house in the middle of a road, they're just settling into bed at around 2am.Until theres a knock at the door *thud..thud..thud*So the husband gets up and goes to the door.The bloke at the door says to him "don't suppose you could give us a push mate?"The husband says "its 2 in the morning i'm trying to go sleep" and slams the door in his face.So he climbs back into bed, and his wife starts nudging him telling him to go down and help this man by giving him a push. After she repeatedly nudged him the bloke went back down stairs and out the front door.With it being a foggy night he couldn't see, so he called out "Do you need a push mate!" The man replies "yea come here"The husband says "Where are you?"The man shouts "Over here on the swing!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Theres a Jew, a Nazi and and an English man on a plane. The planes about to crash so the englishmen says's"Im doing this for Winston Churchill" and jumps outThen the Nazi says "Im doing this for Adolf Hitler" and pushes out the Jew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Dig Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Teacher asks the class "what part of the body goes to heaven first?"A little boy replys "the feet miss, ive seen my mum with her her feet in the air shouting "oh god oh god im f**king cuming"" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Plod Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Haha, yeah, fake filth for the lose, sorry Eric (Collegeboy)Although, i might have came out worse if it was propper filth.You sicken me Glen! Absolutly sicken me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted June 23, 2007 Report Share Posted June 23, 2007 what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?Nothing, you've already told her twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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