Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 Whats got 2 legs and flies?A pair of trousersHow do you get a fat bird into bed?Peice of cake.Whats black and white and eats like a horse?A Zebra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitbat Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 (edited) COMPLETED FROM SANGERS SUPER SUPER LONG JOKE (bit of a let down really)He was off to the side of the lever, but still on the stone,waiting for them. The problem was, he was waiting on the same side of thelever that Jack had picked to steer towards to avoid the lever. The RV wasalready starting to drift that way a little in its mad rush across the sandand there was no way that Jack was going to be able to go around the leverto the other side.Jack had an instant of realization. He was either going to have to hit thelever, or run over Nate. He glanced over at Sammy and saw that Sammy realizedthe same thing.Jack took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone.Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, "Better nate than lever,"he ran over the snake.Frooty Edited December 18, 2006 by fruitbat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al_Fel Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 what do you call a black man burried neck deep in the ground?Afro Turf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeNNy Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 What did the magic tractor do?..It 'turned' into a field.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 [attachmentid=8792] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogre Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Man goes to the doctors, "well theres two things wrong with you, firstly your hiv positive", the man then asks what else is wrong, doctors tells him he's got altzeimers, he replies "oh thats alright at least i'm not hiv positive" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish-Finger-er Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 did you hear about the the dyslexic santa in suffolk....he kept leaving prossies under the trees.Teacher :"now paddy give me 2 days of the week that start with the letter T"Paddy : "Today and tomorrow"Teacher"ok then paddy, give me 3 fruits that start with the letter T"Paddy :"tangerine......err tomato............................and a tin of peaches"steven john and henry where sitting in a bar,discussing how theyd achieved nothing in there lives.when john suggested they all tried to get in the guiness book of records.henry said hed go in for the worlds tallest manjohn thought hed go in for the worlds fattest manand steven, left with little choice, went in for the worlds ugliest man.they all spent a couple of weeks preparing, before starting there arduous trek to the guiness HQ, which involved the 49a bus, 8.15 arriva trains wales to paddington, and a taxi journey.but they made it.henry walks in first, about 15 minutes later he comes out"I made it, im the worlds tallest man, yipeee"then john walks in, this time it takes a bit longer, but he comes out "I made it, im the worlds fattest man, yipeee"then it comes to stevens turn, he walks in,and 2 minutes later he walks out, looking right down in the dumps, to which henry asks "whats the matter" steven just replies "who the f*&k is Joe Maher??" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishy Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Haha excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogre Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 then it comes to stevens turn, he walks in,and 2 minutes later he walks out, looking right down in the dumps, to which henry asks "whats the matter" steven just replies "who the f*&k is Joe Maher??" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Q) What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?A) His teeth.Q) What's the difference between this dead baby and that one? A) I f**ked that one. A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. "Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. "My baby!" screams the mother. "Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse. However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. "What are you doing?!" yells the mother. "April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B.E.A.U Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 what goes crack when you f**k itbabies pelvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Q) What's yellow and looks funny on a baby? A) A JCB Q) What's red, pink and silver and runs into walls? A) A baby with forks in its eyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 what goes crack when you f**k itbabies pelvisSome guy told that joke where I work, he got stared at in silence until he left the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Papasnap Maher Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 why dont blind people sky dive....because it scares the shit out of the dogLMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishy Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 That took me a while... but haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B.E.A.U Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Some guy told that joke where I work, he got stared at in silence until he left the room.hahaha love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 hahaha love itIt was hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
granty Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 whats the difference between the ipswich murderer and mr kiplin........mr kiplin puts 6 tarts in the boxwhat do you call a women with a brain cell......................pregnant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomR Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 I was walking through town with my wife when we suddenly saw a commotion. We wandered closer and saw 6 skinheads kicking the hell out of my mother in law. "arent you going to help?" said the wife, "No, i think 6 is enough, honey" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogre Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 bump A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."and Have you heard about the magic tractor? It was going down a road, and it turned into a field hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrayvon Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 (edited) I was just looking for this so i could bump it up! haha good ladEDIT forgot the joke! :$ Why did the mexican man push his wife off a cliff?Tequila Edited May 7, 2007 by Merlin man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plainlazy84 Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 how do you get a clown off a swing?hit it in the face with an axe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrayvon Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 Another mexican one...What do mexicans put under their carpet?Underlay underlay!!(Probably is a lot more funny when you say it...)Ah well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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