poopipe Posted November 23, 2006 Report Share Posted November 23, 2006 Lol when i posted last night it was a toss up between making two post or leaving the punch line off which i decided was more funny. then you're a b*****d i thought it was pretty good having read the punchline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synergy Posted November 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2006 thst joke was frustrating me all night, it wasnt a brilliant joke but i thought it was more funny without the punch line seeing all the people get angry at reading it and then ot having a punchline lol. not bad though:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boon racoon Posted November 23, 2006 Report Share Posted November 23, 2006 whats red and hangs off the back of a train?a mis carriage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guineasmithpig Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 whats red and crawls up legs?a home-sick abortion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Booth Posted November 24, 2006 Report Share Posted November 24, 2006 whats red and hangs off the back of a train?a mis carriagewhats red and crawls up legs?a home-sick abortion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 Whats the dirrerence between the Ipswitch killer and mr kippling??Mr Kippling puts 6 tarts in a box...LMAO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 3 Whores dead, 2 missing, i guess you could say they're pretty f**ked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 Whats the dirrerence between the Ipswitch killer and mr kippling??Mr Kippling puts 6 tarts in a box...LMAO!!!they caught him you know.big fat bloke in a red jacket.all he'd say during questioning was "Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 they caught him you know.big fat bloke in a red jacket.all he'd say during questioning was "Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho"Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe_Elding Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 big fat bloke in a red jacket.all he'd say during questioning was "Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho"Lmao. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew_Gibson Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 This ones old...Whats the good thing about sleeping with 28 year olds? There 20 of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 'Tis actually 55 year olds isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyoyo Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 This ones old...Whats the good thing about sleeping with 28 year olds? There 20 of them! I'm guessing it's funnier if you say instead of write it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogre Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 Did you hear that the ipswitch rugby team had to cancel their fixtures this year?they'd ran out of hookers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guineasmithpig Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 (edited) Did you hear that the ipswitch rugby team had to cancel their fixtures this year?they'd ran out of hookers whats the best thing about shaggin ninety nine year olds?they can't run away!how dya make a toddler cry twice?wipe you knob on his teddy afterwardsMichael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room afterhis wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, someeggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her itemsat the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches herplace the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusualabout her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know."He replies, "Because you're f**king ugly!" Edited December 13, 2006 by guineasmithpig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Rainbird Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 whats the best thing about shaggin ninety nine year olds?There's 90 of them...Obviously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Cable Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 jokesThis guys is one of those people that uses the following mot-o If you cant get one at 16, get 2 at 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Dig Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 (edited) Got it as a text today:Hookers wanted in the ipswitch area , good pay but the shifts are murder.Not the best but most of the good one have already been posted :Jack and Jill both work in a factory and unfortunatly the boss has to sack one of them. He decides to watch them at work for a day then sack accordingly so the first day he watches Jack, Jack comes into work early works through lunch and leaves late. Then next day Jill comes in late takes many breaks and does little work, she leaves early complaining of a headache. the boss call her back to work and tell her "Jill i had a difficult choice to make over the last few days. I either had to lay you or jack off" Jill replys "well you'll have to jack off my heads killing me" Edited December 13, 2006 by cal d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guineasmithpig Posted December 13, 2006 Report Share Posted December 13, 2006 (edited) This guys is one of those people that uses the following mot-o If you cant get one at 16, get 2 at 8huh? wasthat an insult aimed at me? QUOTE(guineasmithpig @ Dec 13 2006, 10:07 PM) *whats the best thing about shaggin ninety nine year olds?There's 90 of them...Obviously huh.gifi'm sure i stated the desired punchline? twas in reply to the '28 year olds' earlier. or am i missing your humour?aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways...... Edited December 13, 2006 by guineasmithpig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davey Posted December 14, 2006 Report Share Posted December 14, 2006 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.""Is it common?""Well, It's Not Unusual."8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it.17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him.... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...."A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.reminds of of this...What do dyslexic people worship? Dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 reminds of of this...What do dyslexic people worship? Dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Funny one liner that was in a mates personal message:And the Lord said unto John, come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa._______________________________________________________________How do you make a dyslexic go insane? Give them a bowl of alphabeti spaghetti._______________________________________________________________Why did the hen cross the road? To get to the toilets.Why did she want to go there? 'Cos thats where the cock hang out_______________________________________________________________Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."George echoed, "I wish it was Katie Price."Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . " _______________________________________________________________What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! _______________________________________________________________Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny...... It feels great but for christs sake don't look down._______________________________________________________________A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that. _______________________________________________________________If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless? _______________________________________________________________Two muffins are in the oven.One says to the other "God it's hot in here"The other one replies "WTF!!... It's a talking muffin"_______________________________________________________________A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?""Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"Sorry for any re-posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future orange 660 Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 jimmy carr;im a modern man, i have no problem in buying tampons.but apparently, they are not a proper present.a woman asked a man if she nibbled on his earlobes it would make him wild with desire.he said its bollox.little kimawe in africa has to walk 15 miles a day just to get water.i thought, .. she should move.also... check out tim vine if you like cheesy one liners.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eshR-WpdYDM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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