Robwalker Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Not so much a joke but i saw it on an eppisode of only fools and horses. Dell Boy was on a quiz show, it was his turn to answer,Presenter: What state was Kennedy in when he got shot?Del Boy: Well erm... I mean he must have been in a terrible state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mat hudson Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 (edited) what's the differance between fags and microwaves? microwaves dont brown your meat. Edited July 18, 2006 by mat hudson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogonation Posted July 19, 2006 Report Share Posted July 19, 2006 4)THE CLASSIC VERSION:> > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house > and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, > and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is > warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he > dies out in the cold.> > > > THE END> > > THE BRITISH VERSION:> > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house > and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, > and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is > warm and well fed.> > The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why > the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less > fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.> > The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with > cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden > with food.> > Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper > is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.> > The Labour Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate > in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Jamaican cultural > festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts them > singing "We Shall Overcome"> > Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the ant has > gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate > tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".> > In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and > Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the > summer.> > The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire > grasshoppers as helpers.> > Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive > taxes, the government repossesses his home.> > The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting company.> > A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last > of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council > house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles > around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.> > Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is appointed to > head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.> > The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror blames it > on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair > arising from social inequity.> > The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by > the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who > promptly set up a marijuana plantation and terrorise the community.> > THE ENDHahahaahhaahahaha that made me laugh soo much Ok here are some from my brain cause I can't find them on the internet so they might be a bit crap lol.1) Everyday a nun catches the A45 bus back to her nunnerry. One day as she gets on the bus, a dirty bum gets on as well. The Bum goes up to her and says "fancy a shag". The nun is repulsed by the bum and replies "no, how dare you, I am a catholic nun and must maintain my virginity as I am married to God". The bum gets pissed off but walks away non the less.Next day the bum gets on again and asks her the same question only to recieve the same reply again. Everyday after that the bum kept trying it on with the nun but never got anywhere. So by now he really wanted t shag the nun but he was annoyyed that he couldn't do it, But that day the bus driver said "pssst, come over here, do you wanna shag that nun over there" the bum replied "yes" so the bus driver continued with a plan "everyday night the nun go's to the graveyard to lay flowers at this gravestone, what you gotta do is ........................................"Next day the nun is at the graveyard at the gravestone the bus driver told the bum about. She was laying flowers when suddenly from behind the gravestone appeared a figure dressed as god "NUN, I AM GOD, YOU MUST HAVE SEX WITH ME" the non was astonished and replyed "well I cannot refuse god although I still don't want to lose my virginity, can you not take me up the ass instead" "OK" said god.So they had anal sex and after they had finished the God jumped backwards and ripped off a god costume saying: "Hahahahahahahahaha I am the bum from the bus"But then the nun jumped backwardsand ripped of a nun costume saying: "Hahahahahahaha I am the Bus Driver!"2) A bum on the street was feeling really dirty so decided he must have a wash. He was walking along and spotted a fountain big enough to bathe in and lucky for him.. at the side of the fountain were 2 bars of soap.The bum is washing away in this fountain when suddenly he notices three nuns walking along the street towards him... "Shit" he thinks "I can't have three nuns seeing me naked like this". So he quickley jumps out and hides in a bush.The nuns are walking along when the first nun notices something poking out of a bush. She go's up to it and gives it a yank and a bar of soap popped out "ooo look" she says "I got a bar of soap". The second nun walks up to it and gives it a yank and another bar of soap popped out "oooo I got a bar of soap too" she said. Then the third nun walked up to it and gave it a yank "oooooooooo I got shampoo" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 19, 2006 Report Share Posted July 19, 2006 Hahahaahhaahahaha that made me laugh soo much Ok here are some from my brain cause I can't find them on the internet so they might be a bit crap lol.1) Everyday a nun catches the A45 bus back to her nunnerry. One day as she gets on the bus, a dirty bum gets on as well. The Bum goes up to her and says "fancy a shag". The nun is repulsed by the bum and replies "no, how dare you, I am a catholic nun and must maintain my virginity as I am married to God". The bum gets pissed off but walks away non the less.Next day the bum gets on again and asks her the same question only to recieve the same reply again. Everyday after that the bum kept trying it on with the nun but never got anywhere. So by now he really wanted t shag the nun but he was annoyyed that he couldn't do it, But that day the bus driver said "pssst, come over here, do you wanna shag that nun over there" the bum replied "yes" so the bus driver continued with a plan "everyday night the nun go's to the graveyard to lay flowers at this gravestone, what you gotta do is ........................................"Next day the nun is at the graveyard at the gravestone the bus driver told the bum about. She was laying flowers when suddenly from behind the gravestone appeared a figure dressed as god "NUN, I AM GOD, YOU MUST HAVE SEX WITH ME" the non was astonished and replyed "well I cannot refuse god although I still don't want to lose my virginity, can you not take me up the ass instead" "OK" said god.So they had anal sex and after they had finished the God jumped backwards and ripped off a god costume saying: "Hahahahahahahahaha I am the bum from the bus"But then the nun jumped backwardsand ripped of a nun costume saying: "Hahahahahahaha I am the Bus Driver!"2) A bum on the street was feeling really dirty so decided he must have a wash. He was walking along and spotted a fountain big enough to bathe in and lucky for him.. at the side of the fountain were 2 bars of soap.The bum is washing away in this fountain when suddenly he notices three nuns walking along the street towards him... "Shit" he thinks "I can't have three nuns seeing me naked like this". So he quickley jumps out and hides in a bush.The nuns are walking along when the first nun notices something poking out of a bush. She go's up to it and gives it a yank and a bar of soap popped out "ooo look" she says "I got a bar of soap". The second nun walks up to it and gives it a yank and another bar of soap popped out "oooo I got a bar of soap too" she said. Then the third nun walked up to it and gave it a yank "oooooooooo I got shampoo" LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Ahahahahahahaha i havnt laughed like this in about a week, thankyou very much hahahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Cable Posted July 20, 2006 Report Share Posted July 20, 2006 songThat deserrves a print out and is going on the wall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob_P Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Raciest one, sorry A family of skunks and a family of hedgehogs stand by the side of the road. Each family consists of two parents and one baby. (4 parents and 2 babies total)The parents say to the youngens "right children, today were going to learn how to cross the road, what you need to do is watch us then copy afterwards" So the parents walk to the edge of the kerb and look left, look right and as long as nothings coming, they cross. After this the parents start to cross the road...they get half way across and VRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMM *SPLAT*!The parents are killed, leaving only a baby hedgehog and a baby skunk. They say to each other "well now are parents are gone, we need to do as they intended and copy what they taught us" So off they go to cross the road. They begin to cross, half way across the baby hedgehog starts crying! The skunk says to the hedgehog "whats wrong?" the hedgehog replies "well my parents have just been killed, I dont know who or where I am" "O" says the skunk, he replies " well your small, your brown and were in the middle of the road, you must be a baby hedgehog!" o ok the hedgehog says, much better and they carry on walking. A bit further across the skunk starts crying, "whats wrong" says the hedgehog, the skunk replies "well same as you really, don't know who or what I am." The hedgehog says well, your black, your white, you stink of sh*t, you must be a paki! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concussion Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Raciest one, sorry A family of skunks and a family of hedgehogs stand by the side of the road. Each family consists of two parents and one baby. (4 parents and 2 babies total)The parents say to the youngens "right children, today were going to learn how to cross the road, what you need to do is watch us then copy afterwards" So the parents walk to the edge of the kerb and look left, look right and as long as nothings coming, they cross. After this the parents start to cross the road...they get half way across and VRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMM *SPLAT*!The parents are killed, leaving only a baby hedgehog and a baby skunk.They say to each other "well now are parents are gone, we need to do as they intended and copy what they taught us" So off they go to cross the road.They begin to cross, half way across the baby hedgehog starts crying! The skunk says to the hedgehog "whats wrong?" the hedgehog replies "well my parents have just been killed, I dont know who or where I am" "O" says the skunk, he replies " well your small, your brown and were in the middle of the road, you must be a baby hedgehog!" o ok the hedgehog says, much better and they carry on walking.A bit further across the skunk starts crying, "whats wrong" says the hedgehog, the skunk replies "well same as you really, don't know who or what I am." The hedgehog says well, your black, your white, you stink of sh*t, you must be a paki!Jesus.... if your getting away with that (and I thought it was some childish, ignorant humour..... and I ain't no big muilti-culture lover either!), I'm telling this quick one!Sickest joke I heard in a while... from some sick fugger:Q: How can you tell if your sister is having a period?A: You can taste the blood on your daddys dick!H`mmmm more a shock thing me thinks? Dam, now I'm as bad as him upstairs. :$ Apologies if I've just tarnished this thread. (Warning coming my way!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the judge Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 (edited) A woman is involved in a car crash. An ambulance arrives and a paramedic begins to assess her injuries. "Can you see clearly?" he asks, "no" she replies. "How many fingers do I have up?" he asks, "f**k me" she replies "I'm paralysed from the waist down too" How do you fit 40 jews in a mini? 2 on the front seats, 3 on the back seats, and 35 in the ashtray Edited July 21, 2006 by the judge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concussion Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 and 35 in the ashtrayf**k a duck....wtf! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the judge Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 (edited) f**k a duck....wtf! Holocaust ring any bells? Edited July 21, 2006 by the judge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concussion Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Ding`a-bleedin-ling! Edit: We have Jewish people on this site. Showing Jewish people getting executed whilst standing in a grave full of other executed people isn't really on.In other news, Yo` momma's so fat.... she's got to get her passport photo taken from outer space" More `yo momma` jokes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 (edited) your mumma jokes are a pussies way out, its all about the racsim...--I originally planned to find a really really racist joke and post it here hoping to cause a little fuss and amuse me for a minute or two so hunted around in google and found this place...http://www.racist-jokes.com/That alone is better than any of the jokes I found, Just read the first page!!! rofl... love tinternet.I like black people . . .. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them! Why do black people have white hands?They were up against the wall when God spray painted them! What do you call two blacks on one bike?Organized crime! -boboWhat happened to the nigger who had an abortion?Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500!What does FUBU stand for?Farmers Used to Buy Us What do you call a chinese nigger with AIDS?Coon Die Soon What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?An Afghani mechanic! -willlast one, just had too...What's faster than a speeding bullet?A jew with a coupon. - John Edited July 21, 2006 by trialsmad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concussion Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Edit: We have Jewish people on this site. Showing Jewish people getting executed whilst standing in a grave full of other executed people isn't really on.Fair play, you make me sound like I was condoning it though. ...and what about the black folks here?I'm shocked, and I repeat.... I have `my opinions`! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 at the end of the day its a JOKE thread, No ones campaigning for the KKK just having a laugh, if anyone wants to post an anti white thread im sure no one will give a crap.get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Cable Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 (edited) Edit: We have Jewish people on this site. Showing Jewish people getting executed whilst standing in a grave full of other executed people isn't really on.In other news, Yo` momma's so fat.... she's got to get her passport photo taken from outer space" Meh, this is a joke thread buddy, For jokes. What about all the blondes. Or the fat momma's. Or nuns. Do they make a uproar. NO! Because they can take a joke..EDIT: walls balls, i was beat'n /\ Edited July 21, 2006 by radical rider Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concussion Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Meh, this is a joke thread buddy, For jokes. What about all the blondes. Or the fat momma's. Or nuns. Do they make a uproar. NO! I'm kind guessing blondes, fat momma's and nuns don't share the same heart wrenching torment that a black, jewish, aborigani ornative american might feel in the same way, but that just me. Note I didn't mention fuggin immigrants, just races that have been raped and murded over the years.I want shit sorted out and proberbly let the odd stupid comment out.... I just hate `people` f**king snigering behind people's backs like children.That's me down as the bloody righteous willy! NOT ME!shit...the time. Over it and out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 How do you fit 40 jews in a mini? 2 on the front seats, 3 on the back seats, and 35 in the ashtray Fuuck me hahahahaha, havn't laughed like that all day haha.I literally pissed myself then, god im a sick b*****d lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Posted July 21, 2006 Report Share Posted July 21, 2006 Jesus.... if your getting away with that (and I thought it was some childish, ignorant humour..... and I ain't no big muilti-culture lover either!), I'm telling this quick one!Sickest joke I heard in a while... from some sick fugger:Q: How can you tell if your sister is having a period?A: You can taste the blood on your daddys dick!H`mmmm more a shock thing me thinks? Dam, now I'm as bad as him upstairs. :$ Apologies if I've just tarnished this thread. (Warning coming my way!)Dude, you havn't got out much if you think thats sick. Come to Worthing, we will show you how to have a laugh and how to be rank as f**k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark W Posted July 23, 2006 Report Share Posted July 23, 2006 Fair play, you make me sound like I was condoning it though. ...and what about the black folks here?I'm shocked, and I repeat.... I have `my opinions`! I think you'd agree there's a difference between someone being shot in the head standing in a half-filled, mass open grave, and someone saying something like the jokes in Trialsmad's post? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Swales Posted July 23, 2006 Report Share Posted July 23, 2006 Note I didn't mention fuggin immigrants, just races that have been raped and murded over the years.why do most GENUINE immigrants become immigrants?get over it mate, you can't be against SOME racism, or SOME prejudice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Euro Braker Posted July 24, 2006 Report Share Posted July 24, 2006 Sorry butA dark skinned man(yes you know what I mean) stumbles into a genie.The genie gives the man 2 wishes.The man wishes to work once a month and be white.The genie turns him into a tampon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 24, 2006 Report Share Posted July 24, 2006 Sorry butA dark skinned man(yes you know what I mean) stumbles into a genie.The genie gives the man 2 wishes.The man wishes to work once a month and be white.The genie turns him into a tampon. holy shit hahahahahahahaThank you for cheerin me up, needed that 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al_Fel Posted July 24, 2006 Report Share Posted July 24, 2006 What do you call a black man flying a plane?A pilot you racist b*****d. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamHolmes Posted July 24, 2006 Report Share Posted July 24, 2006 Two peanuts walking down a road, one was a salted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si-man Posted July 24, 2006 Report Share Posted July 24, 2006 gotta love racist jokes haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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