fruitbat Posted March 8, 2006 Report Share Posted March 8, 2006 Don't Fart in Bed This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said," Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie456_the2nd Posted March 8, 2006 Report Share Posted March 8, 2006 Nice... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haz Posted March 8, 2006 Report Share Posted March 8, 2006 On a similar note... Husband and wife in bed, when the wife suddenly farted “1-0” she said, Husband obviously not happy about this lets 1 rip “1-1” he replied, Wife lets another 1 go “2-1 to me” she replied to her husband, Husband lies there and drops another stinking fart “2-2” Wife shouts for a penalty “3-2” Husband still not happy at getting beat tries to force 1 out and shits all over his side of the bed, Wife says “what the f**k was that?” Husband “that’s half time, swap sides” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigman Posted March 8, 2006 Report Share Posted March 8, 2006 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA that is AWSOMEAdam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downhill_rob2@hotmail.com Posted March 9, 2006 Report Share Posted March 9, 2006 ROFL!!!Hahahaa, true quality You have brightened my day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walleee Posted March 9, 2006 Report Share Posted March 9, 2006 On a similar note... Husband and wife in bed, when the wife suddenly farted “1-0” she said, Husband obviously not happy about this lets 1 rip “1-1” he replied, Wife lets another 1 go “2-1 to me” she replied to her husband, Husband lies there and drops another stinking fart “2-2” Wife shouts for a penalty “3-2” Husband still not happy at getting beat tries to force 1 out and shits all over his side of the bed, Wife says “what the f**k was that?” Husband “that’s half time, swap sides” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SQuiT-man Posted March 9, 2006 Report Share Posted March 9, 2006 I read these both earlier at skool, made me giggle.Cheers for sharing them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaffacakes Posted March 9, 2006 Report Share Posted March 9, 2006 Hahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCOTTY___ Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 LMFAO!!!Craig...!! On a similar note... Husband and wife in bed, when the wife suddenly farted “1-0” she said, Husband obviously not happy about this lets 1 rip “1-1” he replied, Wife lets another 1 go “2-1 to me” she replied to her husband, Husband lies there and drops another stinking fart “2-2” Wife shouts for a penalty “3-2” Husband still not happy at getting beat tries to force 1 out and shits all over his side of the bed, Wife says “what the f**k was that?” Husband “that’s half time, swap sides”HAHAHHAHAA!! That ones a corker!! Craig...!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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