mat hudson Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 post your fav jokes here :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
munkee Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 God hates you so much the priest tried to drown you at your christening... ok yea that one sucked cos i made it up.. i suck at jokes though in general :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mat hudson Posted September 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 lol :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why did the boy fall off his bike?? Because his day threw a fridge at him Whats big white and falls out the sky???? A fridge Whats big and blue and falls out the sky??? A swimming pool :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simpson Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 ok i made up a joke! What do you call a man who makes art with a cigarette? A fagart hehe lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ben_travis Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 (edited) ok i made up a joke! What do you call a man who makes art with a cigarette? A fagart hehe lol ← hahahahah..no. :( two ginger nuts walking down the street, one gets run over, the other begins to cry, whats wrong says a passer by, CRUMBS Edited September 7, 2005 by ben@hulltrials Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Jay Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 (edited) What do you call a fly with no wings? . . . . . . . . . . A walk Edited September 7, 2005 by Jay Jay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMonkey Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 Knock Knock, Who's there? Doctor, Doctor Who? How did you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicH_87 Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 what goes Oooooooooooooooooo! . . . . .. .. .. .. ... ... ... ... .... .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... ..... ...... I cow with no lips. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 What do you call a black man that can fly a plane? A pilot, you racist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMonkey Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 What's brown and helps to build dams? Black people in New Orleans. Phwoar bet you thought I was gonna say beavers. If you can't work it out, the bodies pile up in the water causing the water to stop thus creating a dam. I just made it up so please DO NOT mention me when reciting. As I'll have Kanye West all over my ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 ^ lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinky Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 The mayor of new orleans has denied rumours that the summer carnival is cancelled, he expects a record number of floats this year* and A touched quentin tarrentino is making a new film about the terrible disaster in new orleans, hes gonna call it reservoir wogs* **subject may offend but know youve read it you cant complain :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials_pimp Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 Joke 1 A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked." Joke 2 The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200. They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois." Joke 3 A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it." Joke 4 A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan6061 Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 Joke One Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around and around Just because Im a blonde does not mean Im automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves.... There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up. I have not heard anything back. Joke Two A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari." :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegrass Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 why did Emily fall off the swing? because she had no arms or legs hahaha (private joke between my friends i think you'll appreciate) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Swales Posted September 7, 2005 Report Share Posted September 7, 2005 (edited) how many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? lets go play on bikes!!!! what's white and swings through the trees? a fridge on a swing why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cos it was dead what's brown and sticky? a stick. what's brown and runny? linford christie. Edited September 7, 2005 by BenS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomm Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 how many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? lets go play on bikes!!!! ← That is awsome :ermm: A man walks into a bar. Ouch Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd have thought one would have seen it. A dyslexic guy walks into a bra. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!" A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one. A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here." A baby seal walks into a club. A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" And that's about enough of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 theres a piece of M5 tarmac and a piece of red pedestrian pavement in a bar happily chatting away when all of a sudden a green piece of tarmac comes charging through the door. Everyone dives for cover and starts screaming while other people struggle to chuck the green piece of tarmac out. When normality resumes the M5 tarmac asks "What happened there? why wasn't he allowed in?" to which the red piece says "oh hes a cyclepath" ...ba dum tish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mat hudson Posted September 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 I'll have Kanye West all over my ass. ← i would have thought you'd be the last person to complain about that :ermm: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMonkey Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 i would have thought you'd be the last person to complain about that :ermm: ← I wouldn't of, but black man willy is far too big for Monkey's tight arse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haz Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 Bloke goes in shop and asks for Irish Sausages. The Assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?" "If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I Was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would you? The assistant says: "Well no." "And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't." With self-indignation, the man says: "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?" The Assistant replies: "Because this is Homebase!" :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicH_87 Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mat hudson Posted September 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 made me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomm Posted September 8, 2005 Report Share Posted September 8, 2005 ← Ah that is the best family guy moment ever! It's goin' rain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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