Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted July 18, 2005 Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 (edited) My Funeral. I want all of the below done at my funeral. Seriously. If you decide to attend my funeral, do these things. If you met my mum and dad and they aren’t following my instructions, slap them. Bonus points mean nothing, other than the person who has the most of them is clearly the most deserving of my memory, so gets a hold of my check for ten American dollars. Ahem. By Decree of Luke: 1. No one is allowed to dress up sombre. This means that no dresses. Skirts on a female are alright though, as long as they are above the knees. Black and white clothes other than trainers are banned. You get bonus points for dressing us humorously; IE if you’re a male, dressing up as the opposite gender, and wearing makeup will gain you bonus points. 2.The priest shall be dressed up as a clown. Alas, I know the reading from the bible is traditional, and can’t be done away with. However, two people will stand at the side of the preacher, dressed up as clowns as well, and reinact the passages with balloon animals. These balloon animals will then be given to little children in the church, hopefully that’ll shut up the shitbags from crying. 3.Anyone over the age of ten caught crying will have an egg cracked on their egg. If they continue crying, more eggs, and if they still don’t stop, they will be simply covered from head to toe in lumiounious pink paint. 4.After the reading from the bible, a karaoke concert will be set up. At least one member from each family will have to perform, although bonus points for those who get the whole family up. Adequate amounts of alcohol are to be provided at this point to provide the authentic karaoke experience. There will, however, be a limited choice of songs to pick from: ‘Staying Alive’, ‘Another one bits the dust’, ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead’, and ‘Burn Baby Burn: Disco Inferno,’ although the word ‘Baby’ will be replaced with Luke. 5.To save arguments from people, my body will be split onto half. One half will go though those flamely furnace things, and the other half shall be buried. On the rare account that I die in a wonderfully massacre way, a mannequin will be painted to look like me, and this mannequin will be burnt and buried. 6.An auction of everything I ever owned of value will be held. The proceeds of which will go to two places: The Cancer Research Charity as NSPPC and Oxfam are about as trustworthy as dog shit. The non-donated money will be used in the costs of the funeral and buying me a DECENT gravestone 7.To reflect my life, the name ‘Lee’ will originally be put onto the gravestone, and be visibly crossed out with ‘Luke’ scrawled quickly on the side of it. 8.NO ROSES! NONE! If you want to throw something down, make it a beautiful virgin; I could do with the company in the after life. NO ROSES! OR ANY OTHER FLOWERS! After all the earth has gone over the top of me, even if this has to take place after the whole funeral celebrations, a giant twister mat will be placed over my grave, and people will be instructed to play with it. 9.After the funeral, everyone will be sent to a community hall like place. The little children will be sent to Go Bananas, where paid professionals will look after them and make sure that they have a good time. 10.Anyone caught crying at any of these events will have their hands and feet handcuffed behind their backs by pink fury handcuffs then will be ticked by every able body. 11.Near the end of the night, in celebration of my probably still girlfriendless life, everyone with a signifanct other will be ordered to the back of the room, and those that are left will be randomly handcuffed to a member of the same sex. Unless of course that person is gay, in which case a gay hunk in spandex will burst though the door and chain themselves to that person; even if they were saying that they were gay just to be cocky. Keys will only be provided to these handcuffs at the stroke of midnight; and will also only be given if each pair can name the title of two unique stories or books that I have written. 12.When all the events end, everyone will, of course, be sent home. Hopefully the children will have died or become lost or something, especially if they are the spawn of Mise or Gemma. Shudder. In the unfortunate events of every little child still living, I suppose that they will have to simply go home with their parents. Edited July 19, 2005 by Has anyone seen my shoe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bondy Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 wow....was he bored? I sort of guessed straight away who this might've been that has given you this :P how.........random :- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted July 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 wow....was he bored? I sort of guessed straight away who this might've been that has given you this :P how.........random :- ← Its in his myspace. I thought it was quite cool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMonkey Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 No-one posted, at all. Until now, it isn't funny. It may be if you knew him, but most likely not as it's just a case of "I'll try as hard as possible to be funny" and it shows in a major way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Has anyone seen my shoe? Posted July 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 Anyway Bond speak to you on msn..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bondy Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 No-one posted, at all. Until now, it isn't funny. It may be if you knew him, but most likely not as it's just a case of "I'll try as hard as possible to be funny" and it shows in a major way. ← You would understand if you ever met Luke in real life..........i guess its a personal thing..... :P im more laughing at thinking about him than the actual thingy :- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMonkey Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 Anyway Bond speak to you on msn..... ← Thanks for that, some more time wasted of reading something I didn't need. You would understand if you ever met Luke in real life..........i guess its a personal thing..... :P im more laughing at thinking about him than the actual thingy :- ← That's what I mean, how many people have met Luke and his forced humour on TF? I'm guessing you two and that's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bondy Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 That's what I mean, how many people have met Luke and his forced humour on TF? I'm guessing you two and that's it. ← dont try and have a go at me, i didnt make the thread :P I just happen to know him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Clark Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 I absolutely love the way MrMonkey can take the piss out of anyones sense of humor when his idea of a hilarious joke is adding the word masturbate/masturbation into a sentence, or saying something else so hilariously "random". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biketrialler Posted July 19, 2005 Report Share Posted July 19, 2005 Are you actually Luke? Or making up friends here? As its written in your exact same writing style, with the exact crap sense of humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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