Smo™ Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 (edited) I've just finished writing a short story I've been working on called 'Sacrifice'. I'm not all that great at writing or anything but I like to think I have an active imagination. Just wondering what you guys think. Be warned, there's lots of text and no pictures! Anyways here goes: ******************************************** Sacrifice Author: Smo “I would stand before death with a smile on my face and a heart full of love. I do not fear you.” He chuckled, his disregard for any life other than his own was painfully apparent. By then I didn’t care. I was tired. Aching all over, standing seemed like an arduous chore rather than something you do every day of your life without a second thought. It took every ounce of strength I had left to keep my eyes open, I knew if I closed my eyes I would’ve given up, and that’s something I could never do. -- Kei, my son, I’ll fight until the end. I promise you I will not fail. -- The thought of him gave me the strength to stand, with every breath, he was helping me. My son, my beautiful baby boy, he’s growing up so fast. I couldn’t give up on him, my family, my friends… everyone, I won’t let you down. I held my eyes open, fixed on my opponent. Focus. I needed to concentrate. The blur slowly faded away, sweat rolled down my brow as everything became clear again. There he stood; his enormous frame eclipsed the sun as he towered over me. Those eyes, those cold blue eyes, emotionless… dead. He stared at me. I maintained eye contact, I would die fighting. I wasn’t like my father, begging for mercy wasn’t an option. I wouldn’t lay down my life without giving every ounce of strength I had left. I felt the warmth of the blood trickling down my left side, faintness crept over me as I began to slump to the left. Pain seared through my body as I resisted the urge the fall down to one knee. I pushed myself upright, as I did; more blood seeped from the wound. “It’s nothing” I thought, “Ignore it, I am strong. I must be strong.” My left arm hung limp to my side as I clasped the wound with my right hand. Squeezing hard I gritted my teeth and fought away the pain. He moved closer, I could feel the hate, teasing me, taunting me. It was a dare; he wanted to know just how much power, if any, I had left. I stumbled back a few paces and fell to the ground; my hand coincidentally lay on the Raito, my sword. All of a sudden, like an arrow fired into my head from the heavens, a memory hit me. I thought back to the day I was given the Raito by Xin, the finest and most renowned blacksmith the Continent of Legend had ever seen. -- The Raito is a sword unlike any other. It’s able to work in unison with your Chi. Engraved with the secrets of power; it has the ability to warp the very fabric of time and space. In conjunction with your pure heart and soul, it can amplify your power to a sheer magnitude so great it could destroy all you know. -- It was then I realised just how much the Raito was a part of my previous victories. Over the years some incredible things had been happening to me, and I couldn’t understand how, or why. During battles, I had been able to perform acts of immeasurable strength, pushing the limits of possibility, defeating opponents who were many times stronger than me. It was all down to the Raito, my incredible blade. Only now did I realize just how limited my understanding of the weapon was. The warnings I had received from Xin regarding the weapon had been well heeded, and I had treated it with a certain care and respect over the years. In retrospect I think that’s most likely why I had never learned more about the power of this weapon, or how to unite it’s abilities with my own. All those incredible acts had so far been accidental, triggered by extreme emotions, be it anger, love, hatred or desperation. If only I had taken the time and made the effort to understand this weapon, the power at my disposal would have been phenomenal, and perhaps this battle would’ve been very different. Right now there was no time for care, and no time for caution. I had to openly ignore the warnings I had been given. It was time for me to unleash the power within myself and unite it with the magic of the Raito. This guy was going down, and he would not take my world, my people, with him. With what remained of my dying strength, I clasped the hilt of the Raito and clambered to my feet. Steadily I assumed a ready stance, shifting into an offensive position and drawing the blade with both hands, holding it in front of me and pointing it towards my attacker. I began to call upon my Chi, the life energy that drove me. It pulsed down my arms and into the Raito, something which I had never tried before, and would’ve melted any other blade. The warmth of my Chi flowed through my arms and into the hilt. The Raito began to give off a faint glow and the air began to hum around me. I remained focused on pushing my Chi into the blade, completely ignoring the powerful figure marching towards me. Xin had said that the Raito was able to amplify my own energy many times over, to a point so seemingly impossible. However, I’d already used the energy I had to fight my opponent. The only Chi I had left was the chakra which kept me alive. My life energy. I began to pour my soul into the Raito through my veins. I could feel the fatigue starting to kick in, my heartbeat slowed to a dull periodic thud and my mind began to suggest giving in to eternal sleep. Unknown to me, my skin began to pale and my hair was losing its dark brown hue. It was too late to turn back now, I was committed. All the while my Chi was building up within the Raito, my energy mixing with its magic, crackling up and down the now sapphire blade as the surrounding air was cooked by its intensity. My opponent stopped his advance and stared at me, puzzled. No doubt he’d never seen anything of this kind before. After all, how many warriors were ready to sacrifice their lives to save their world? How many were willing to use their own life energy to destroy a threat to innocent people? He smirked and continued his march; obviously he was confident that I was weaker and unable to pose a serious threat to him anymore. I grinned. As time was passing I was growing weaker, my skin, my hair and now even my eyes were just a shade above total white. The hum that filled the air had now become a piercing whine as my energy encircled the Raito, feeding its hunger. My enemy stepped forward and reached out to touch my blade, blissfully unaware of the fate I had in store for the both of us. As his hand neared the Raito, the last of my live chakra poured into the hilt, fizzing with immense power. I pointed the Raito towards the ground and plunged it into the Earth as hard as I could. The energy I had amplified was unleashed, and everything before me vanished in a flash of white. Edited July 9, 2005 by Smo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Nick Riviera Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 (edited) good stuff , very good stuff , but i think it needs a few illustrations (Y) not really a fan of the "anime type" storys either but this one was good (Y) just read it again and im really impressed , ever though about entering a short storys competition smo? Edited July 9, 2005 by daahnhillaaaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted July 9, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 good stuff , very good stuff , but i think it needs a few illustrations (Y) not really a fan of the "anime type" storys either but this one was good :) ← Chhers mate but I can't draw for the life of me (Y) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Nick Riviera Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 this sort of stuff (Y) its not too hard im sure you could find a tutorial and do something in photoshop which youre pretty good at Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted July 9, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 I guess I could have a bash at designing the Raito. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyroo Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 That sounds to me like the first chapter of a book, where the end is depicted at the beginning. Will you now carry on to write about the rest from the beginning, and build back up to that point and give it an ending? Not as aflash back while hes there, but just a sudden jump back. if i have any free time, i could give a few drawings a go for you. Any particular scenes in mind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downhill_rob2@hotmail.com Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 ← My mate can draw like that just from his mind (Y) In like 5 mins aswell, hes bloody very very good! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerrie-Anne Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 (edited) Wow...! Totally amazing, I can see it going on into a v. long story! Well done (Y) Kerrie. xXxXxXx Edited July 9, 2005 by Angelfish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoojames Posted July 9, 2005 Report Share Posted July 9, 2005 Haha Smo, chakra, you watch too much naruto! Was a good story though! James (Y) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted July 10, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2005 good stuff , very good stuff , but i think it needs a few illustrations :angry: not really a fan of the "anime type" storys either but this one was good :lol: just read it again and im really impressed , ever though about entering a short storys competition smo? ← Nah I don't think so mate, this is like the second short story I've ever written. I enjoy doing them but not enough to make something of it. That sounds to me like the first chapter of a book, where the end is depicted at the beginning. Will you now carry on to write about the rest from the beginning, and build back up to that point and give it an ending? Not as aflash back while hes there, but just a sudden jump back. if i have any free time, i could give a few drawings a go for you. Any particular scenes in mind? ← Sorta yeah, I was thinking of jumping back to his childhood years where he trains and deems himself worthy of the Raito. Not sure though. Cheers for offering about the drawings, I think a good one would be where [Name Undecided] is clasping his left arm and sorta slumping to the left. And where the Raito is crackling with power (N) Haha Smo, chakra, you watch too much naruto! Was a good story though! James :) ← I was running out of words to use :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickycoleman Posted July 10, 2005 Report Share Posted July 10, 2005 (edited) Was a good story, and interesting. But you could have down with a better ending. Edit: like make it a tad longer, not just a big flash of light and its all over, know what i mean? Edited July 10, 2005 by rickycoleman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smo™ Posted July 10, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2005 Was a good story, and interesting. But you could have down with a better ending. Edit: like make it a tad longer, not just a big flash of light and its all over, know what i mean? ← Personally I thought that ending was perfect, but fair do's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScotchDave Posted July 10, 2005 Report Share Posted July 10, 2005 More, I demand more. :) That's good, I enjoyed reading it. I don't normally read that type of stuff, any one know where I can get more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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