Al_Fel Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Two oranges are rolling down a hill one stops and says "where do you live?" The other one says "I'm not telling you, you might come round and rob my washing." A baldy cat gets on the bus and the bus driver says "Where's your fair?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Arnold Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 doctor, how is that girl who swallowed the one pound coin? sorry, no change yet. hahaha :S ;) a man pushes to the front of the que in the doctors......... doctor i feel like a spoon! sit down and stop stirring! :) doctor, i've heard that you are secretly a vampire! this cant be true? nonsence, thats utter rubbish, see you later.... ...necks please :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nbr-chris Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What do you get if you stand a blonde on her head? A brunette with bad breath. :S Why does michael Jackson like twentyfour year olds? Theres 20 of them. (probably wont really work when its written but oh well) A guy had split up with his wife and only got to see his son 4 times a year. It was nearly his sons birthday so he wanted to do something really special for him. He decided to take him to the seaside and stay in a nice hotel. They got to the seaside and ordered a big 3 course meal for the evening and went for a walk on the beach. His son saw an icecream seller "daddy daddy can i have an icecream?" He got an icecream. Further along there was a clown selling balloons "daddy dayy can i have a ballon? He got a balloon" Then they saw a candy floss stall, "daddy daddy can i have some candy floss?" His dad said he could as he wanted his son to have a really memorable time but he wasn't allowed anything else to eat untill tea but he could have one more present. Futher along someone was selling a donkey. "daddy daddy can i have a donkey?" He got a donkey and they set off back to the hotel. Some kids started shouting at them but they carried on. "can i call my donkey wanker daddy?" asked the kid. His dad let him as it was easier than trying to explain why not. They left the donkey tied to a fence and went for their meal. During the night there was a storm and a bolt of lightening hit the fence and the donkey got away. The kid ran in to his dads room, "daddy daddy wankers off!" his dad replied "now look son, you've had an icecream you've had a balloon........... That took far too long to write :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 A tramp walks into a bar and asks for a cocktail stick. The barman says 'why do you want a cocktail stick'. The tramp replys 'never you mind just give me a cocktail stick'. The tramp then leaves. A second tramp walks into a bar and asks for a cocktail stick. The barman says 'why do you want a cocktail stick'. The tramp replys 'never you mind just give me a cocktail stick'. The second tramp then leaves. A third tramp walks into a bar and asks for a straw. The barman says 'why do you want a straw'. The tramp replys 'someones been sick outside and theres only the liquid left' Boom Boom :S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhythm_101 Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 what do you call a donkey with three legs? WONKEY :S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picki Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 one i just got at work sorry :"> Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. So she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering. Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee...... the worst joke has to be: Knock Knock? Whos there? Dr.! Dr. Who? Dr. You already said it!!! my god! ...... whats MEG short for? because you has lettle legs! ......... A blind man walks into Asda with his dog, pauses and then frantically starts swinging his dog round his head. A shop assistant notices and ruses to the man asking him what he's doin... the man replies 'having a look around' right no more :S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kells Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Whats white and can't climb trees? A fridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urpedigreechumdog Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 An Englishman and an American stop at a set of traffic lights in London. The Little man goes green and the pedestrian crossing starts bleeping. The American says to the Englishman, 'Why does it bleep?', the Englishman replies, 'It's for the blind people.' A little confused, the American says 'That's strange, we don't allow blind people to drive in America.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Campbell Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 David Hasselhoff walks into a pub Barman: "hello Mr Hasselhoff how are you?" David: "just call me David Hoff" Barman: Ok David Hoff no hassel (I think thats how it goes) --------------------------------------- What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut. -------------------------------------- You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike. Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skandy32 Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What's brown and half eaten? The pope's easter egg. ← that one got me in tears!! i would like to nominate this to be the winner..... :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigman Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What do a Chav and a Slinky have in comon???? :blink: Their completly useless, but it is fun to watch them fall down stairs. :( Adam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cant_ride Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 whats the fastest cake in the world ? scone ( read it out loud....... aaaaaaaaahahahahahahwoo ) --------------------------------------------------------------------- whats blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? a baby with burst arm bands im not weird or sick but that one made me laugh for an hour first time i heard it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mavic Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 whats the fastest cake in the world ? scone ( read it out loud....... aaaaaaaaahahahahahahwoo ) ← Hahahahahahahahaa :blink: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hardman Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Doctor doctor Im falling apart ..........................................Well pull yourself together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinky Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Doctor doctor Im falling apart ..........................................Well pull yourself together ← its supposed to be "doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains" :blink:" pinky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hardman Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 (edited) its supposed to be "doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains" :blink:" pinky ← I know, I was being original Another one then...... knock knock whos there justin justin who just in time. Edited April 15, 2005 by Michael Hardman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs dj Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke. What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme? Little Boy Blew. What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks. I know there bad but hey :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hardman Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Whats with all the jacko jokes, hes a nice person really :blink:" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks. I know there bad but hey :blink: ← Em, that is pure genious....actually made me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urpedigreechumdog Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Why is santa's sack so full? He's only comes once a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matthewholdsworth Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 (edited) after reading this lot through the pop one is the best !! heres mine peter kay was recently arrested for beating a scouring pad with a frying pan the judge passed sentence concluding that it was "not the way to harm a brillo" :blink: Edited April 15, 2005 by matthewholdsworth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davetrials Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 (edited) Knock Knock..... Whos there Mike Mike who Mike smith Oh sorry mike im looking for tim. Knock Knock..... Whos there Mike Mike who Mike smith sorry wrong address. Edited April 15, 2005 by Davetrials Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris@Onza rider Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 What do chavs use for protection during sex? A bus sheltter. What do you cal a girl chav and a male chave in a phone box? f**kin init. How many chavs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5, 1 to screew it in and 4 to say init,init,init,init. What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand. why was the chav staring at the orange juice? Because it had "concerntrate" writen on it. how can you tell if a girl chav is not pregnant? She can run faster than her brothers What kind of what catogory of girl chav has no childeren? Under the age of five. Whats a chavs favorite type of car? One withoughtan alarm. Im borred now Tomm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Why did the chicken cross the road, To get to the other side.................................... Do you get it? No nor did he, he only had 10p :( Magic tractor, Turns into a field 3 men being chased, they hide in 3 sacks. The men chasing them kicks the sacks, the first man goes "meow" the men chasing them say "its only a sack of cats," They kick the second sack, the second man goes, "woof" the men chasing them say "its only a sack of dogs," The men then kick the third sack, The man in the third sack says "Potatoe". Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge Whats come over you? 2 cars a bus and 2 lorries, (suming like that anyway :blink:) two aerials decide to get married, the wedding was crap but the recpetion was excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan6061 Posted April 15, 2005 Report Share Posted April 15, 2005 Moths..just think about them, you will soon laugh (mate told me that) sorry it's not a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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