DJ Guestbook

[Guest Llewellan aka Lewy]

Location: could get in trouble if i said

Still missing you pal...... what else can I say - been going through some tough times as I'm sure you are aware with all of these anxiety attacks and sh*t! Nearly 6 weeks on from when it all started and my head still goes mad every now and again, but its getting better - and I know why that is - your hand is coming down and bitch slapping my brains to sort them out :D

Going to end the message now for the time being, but as always, its never 'a goodbye' and always a 'see you later'

Love ya mate... speak to ya soon x

[Guest Llewellan aka Lewy]

Location: ???

Yo Yo Yo Deej - how be you?
Started riding again, but trials nope.................. jumping and down hill now, as i'm sure your aware!
only a quick message to say i'm still missing you pal!
Never a good bye, always a see you later, love ya mate x

[Guest Mum]

Location: Home

Well this last week has been a weird one, Sam turned 18 at the weekend but it doesn't seem possible; time is just going by so fast.Dad and I both struggled on Sunday knowing that you never celebrated your 18th birthday, that Sam was older than you were when you were taken away. We have started to make some changes at home by decorating some of the rooms but I still can't find the strength in my heart to do your room...its still the same as the day you left us. Adam has moved home this week and Sam has been away with Lucy so I suppose you could say I have had my first taste of what it will be like when Sam goes off to Uni next year and I don't like it. I get regular calls from both your brothers but I still find myself waiting for your call too; something I don't think will ever change. My heart still hurts, my head still spins when I think of that day, will the pain ever go away? I love you my child Look over your brothers as they enter in to adulthood and the big wide world. Miss you more every day Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

[Guest Mum]

:-( Here we are again,another birthday without you here..I can't believe this is the 6th one. Adam is coming home today to spend some time with the family and Sam is going to see Southampton Uni (please be with him today as I know he is struggling). I love you so much that it hurts deep down in the pit of my stomach. My thoughts will be nowhere other than with you today my angel. Happy 23rd birthday love always mum xxxxx

[Guest Mike (MadManMike/TheScientist)]

Hey dude,

Sorry, I missed your birthday - I can't even remember my own families birthdays so don't take it personally :)

As your mum said, I can't believe it's been 6 years - time goes by so fast. I still remember clearly getting home and seeing the message on trials forum, getting a big lump in my throat. I still can't imagine what it's like for your family and "real" friends - they seem incredibly strong, I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost one of my brothers or a best mate.

Having kinda made up with my grandparents, I've arranged a birthday meal for my grandad in January next year, I haven't seen them both for 7 years after we fell out - my grandad is suffering from Cancer and it's getting worse. It could be his last Christmas and Birthday, I don't want him to pass away without us sorting out our issues. Life is too short to waste time arguing over things that are, in the end, pointless.

Your family's loss, Oli's family and all the others we've lost has opened my eyes and stopped me taking my friends and family for granted - it's made me realise that no matter how much someone annoys you, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Anyway, happy late birthday, I'm sure you're up there smiling down on us. Look after everyone buddy!

x x x

[Guest Mum again]

Location: Home

Missing you so much its hurts. Christmas just isn't the same without you here. We do our best but sometimes its hard to hide the tears. At this time of year it (not that it isn't hard at other times) we are all very aware of the fact that you are not here and the older the boys become the more aware of it they are.

Please help us all the get through the next few days...

Love you so much

Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest Only me]

Happy New Year Deej, I can't get over the fact that you have been missing for 6 Christmas's now, and even more importantly 6 New Year celebrations!!! Its not the same without you here to join in the fun. I can only hope that wherever you are you are happy and having fun. Missing you so much All my love M xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest XXXX]

:-( Wish you could be here to join in all the fun we are having with the snow. I remember when you were younger you were so keen to get out and play in it that you went straight out in the morning in your PJ's, and you took some pursauding to get back in to get dressed. I hope you like the snowman that Lucy and Sam built for you to keep you company at your home in Spring Gardens. Love as always xxxxx

[Guest davetrials]

hey man, just a quick one as im heading out, were all still missing you man!, see if you can pull some stings and make this snow stop and warm up haha!
ill speak again soon buddie
miss man xxx

[Guest Me]

Location: Abingdon

Well here we are again, another Easter without you, there is no excitement in the house about what egg you will be getting, you aren't up already getting ready for going riding today...I miss your presence, my heart is empty! I am off to visit Adam today in my new car, I was hoping that the others would come with me but they have other plans. Be Safe my child, be safe. Lots of love always :-(

[Guest Mum again]

Location: Home

Here we are again another year has passed, and the pain is still here. I wish i had the answer to all my questions and to be able to find a way to deal with this but i still find myself waking up every morning hoping to find this is just a nightmare and it will go away. This year is a poinient one as it is actually FRIDAY the 14th MAY and i am already remembering what your last words were to me, what you had for breakfast and of course the dreaded knock at the door; they say with time the memory of that day will disappear well I'm still waiting!! I miss you so much my child, I long for the day when I can be with you again. ALL my LOVE Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest Mike]

Another year passes by - time is flying past mate, quite worrying really, seems like only yesterday I was celebrating my 18th birthday and now in two months I turn 26. Scary stuff.

Anyway, hope you're looking out for everyone - someone's definitely looking out for me, had a couple of close calls that should have ended much worse than they did. If it was you watching out for me I'm really grateful dude :)

RIP buddy, gone but never forgotten.

[Guest Nick Manning]

Location: Addlestone, Surrey

Hey buddy, sorry i'm a bit late, I was thinking of you back on Friday, just as I do everytime I'm driving up the A34 and see signs for Abingdon. I still can't believe your gone. This years memorial is taking place this Sunday, it's quite touching that so many people are making the effort to come down to Portsmouth for it, to remember yourself and all the other people who we've lost over the past 6 years.
It's amazing how many of us older riders, some that don't ride anymore are coming down. I'm sure you will be watching over us that day.

It's sad to read how your mum is hurting so badly over you not being there, but I'm sure your watching over her and your family every day.

Miss you xx

[Guest Anon]

Hey dude,

Hope you're doing alright wherever you are. I'm not sure what to do with my life, I often think how unfair it is that you were taken instead of me, I'm not really going anywhere - I get down a lot, I always have done. I don't treat people very well and I can be very selfish and I just feel like they took the wrong guy.

I sometimes wish I'd be taken from this life and put elsewhere, but where do we go? I'd like to think your spirit is somewhere happy, watching over us. I definitely wish I could help your mother with her pain, I can't imagine how she feels.

If there was a way to end my life without hurting other people, I'd do it.

[Guest davetrials]

Look after gavin man, show him the ropes.
R.I.P

[Guest its mum]

Location: home

:confused: Dad and I are of to Weymouth for the week on Saturday, please take care of Adam and Sam while we are away, like you always do. This will be the first time I have been away from home for more that 3 days in the past 6 and a half years...who is going to light your candles, top up your flowers? I feel I am leaving you behind and I don't like it. You should ALL 3 of you be coming with us like a family should, but then we are not a normal family anymore,not since you were taken away....My heart still aches for you, my head still spins when i think of what went on that day...why you?!? God I miss you and would do anything to have you here...All my love Mum xxxxxx

[Guest mum]

Location: home

I'm sorry it has taken me longer than usual to wish you a happy christmas but i have been unable to post on here due to technical problems.

Christmas this year seemed to be so sad, none of us as home were interested in the festivities, although we did our best as Grandma and Pops came for the day. I think if they hadn't come round we wouldn't have bothered at all.

The past year has been quite hard, lots of things happened that you should've been involved with, Sam going to Uni, Adam moving home and now moving back to Bristol at the end of January to name a few. The loss of Dad's younger sister to a brain heamorage at the age of 49!

I am keeping going in the knowledge that one day we will meet again. Keep safe my angel, i miss you with all my heart.

Love Always

Mum xxxxxxxxx

[Guest Bongo]

Still think about you everyday mate...

[Guest **]

Location: Oxfordshire

:-( Wish this was a Happy Valentines day, but with you not here it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Love you with all my heart xxxxxxx

[Guest anon]

Feeling empty at the moment, and i'm pretty sure you're the hole missing from that space. I've not commented on here for years because i find it so hard to talk to you when you're not here.

I miss sitting in your room with you and watching films u downloaded, miss watching tele with you when u got home from work and ate your dinner late. I miss your giant hair and your rediculous grandma glasses haha :) they still made u cooler than everyone else because you were my older brother and what could be cooler?

I always imagine how different our lives would be if you were still here, the choices we all would have made differently, that whole butterfly effect thing. I imagine you and Em living in a little flat somewhere, working away during the day and spending your evenings together, you'd go trials riding on a sunday (like dad does fishing) and I'd come visit you every month or so. Sam would be at uni as he is now, hopefully not much different as he seems quite content despite the obvious, as for me....I've no idea where I would be. Everytime I think about the past I can't get past that day, the pivotal moment where my life pretty much stopped being mine and started spiralling off on it's own. I'm trying to make it my own again, but it's so difficult.

I wish you were here to make it all better Deej, I miss you like mad.

All my love, AJ

[Guest Mike]

7 years this Saturday man, where does time go?

There's the usual memorial ride this year, unfortunately I can't get down there for it again - I promise I'll be there next year though!

I'm doing a ride to Lands End for charity on the 22nd, look out for me dude, you and my grandfather will be my inspiration and drive so give me a hand along the way bud!

7 years on and still not forgotten, ride in peace man x

[Guest L Dunstan]

Location: Didcot

24 yesterday. It had been too long since I last visited, And I remember it was with Nick Harris a few years back. I'd lost contact with Nick for a couple of years, and last Saturday we lost him too.

I had written a card to go with the flowers I got for you, but somewhere between home and you, It went missing. I had to make do with a train ticket that holds my name!

Started riding trials again last year, really wish I had never stopped, some of my best memories are of you and Sparky riding pallets at Fairacres in Abingdon!

Never forgotten mate.

R.I.P

[Guest Mum]

Location: Home

:-( God what a hard day, work is very demanding and I'm finding dealing with death difficult.

Everyday I miss you more, your curly hair, your infectious laugh YOU!!!

Watch over your brothers darling, after losing Nanny last month they both seem to be finding life hard....brought back lots of memories of your funeral too.

Wish you were here with us all.

Much love

Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest Bigger little bro]

Location: Bristol

hey deej,

Nobody's messaged for a while, which makes me very sad. I think about you all the time, every day, it's not easy you know. Been feeling like you're around again at the moment, can feel your strength supporting me and rebuilding my confidence.

I know I'll see you again, I don't believe in much but that's one feeling I'll never change.

Keep riding on those Zephyrs, Love you.

Adam x

[Guest See Below]

Need some strength atm, getting closer to your birthday and I'm run down with a cold, still missing you.

x