Paperclip Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) I don't really know who to talk to about this and I'm not posting a feel sorry for me thread no sympathy please I am just confused and don't know how to feel about this. Basically I've recently changed my name back to what I was called at School, after having some family problems from my step dads side I don't really want to be associated with THEM although my documents have always been the same so it's only on Facebook I used my step dads name. That aside since doing so I've been told by my mum that my real dad has tried to contact me countless times and has been to my grandparents to ask them and tried over Facebook but hasn't been able to find me because he didn't know about my mums change of name and mine. My situation is that I have a really good connection with my step dad he's been in my life since I can remember and as far as I am concerned he is my dad, this is the first time I have had to call him my step dad and it's strange. I don't want anything to change that but I am now left thinking about it and honestly don't know what to do, I know that there's a chance he will now find me on Facebook and I get a message, but knowing that he has Facebook I could just ask for his name and search for him myself? I also know that he lives local so I have probably seen him before and knowing my luck done a job at his house or something daft. He could have kids of his own I don't think that I would want anything to do with them I don't really know what I want right now, I don't need a dad I have one but what do you guys think? Will it eat away at me or can I just sweep it under the carpet. Edited May 18, 2015 by Paperclip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamKidney Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 I say meet your real Dad but try not to lose the connection you and your "step dad" have. You can see how you and your birth father get on but don't lose a life time close connection with someone who's obviously been a big part of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BJ. Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 At the end of the day anyone can be a 'Dad' but it takes a real man to be a father. I'd wait until your 'Dad' manages to find you and in the mean time try an work a way around what's happened with your step Father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anzo Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 A friend of mine was in a similar situation. He found his real dad on Facebook and met him. His regret was that he waited 10 years or so to do it... So I say find him. Life is far too short. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsMatt Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 'regret the things you did, not the things you didn't do' May as well keep the door open man Not sure if it really applies here But ¿?¿? Some relatives are just that, others are family. My uncle on the mothers side has been more of a father figure to me than my actual dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted May 18, 2015 Report Share Posted May 18, 2015 It's really down to what relationship you had with him before. Biology is no reason to bring someone into your life, unless it's 10 mins of talking about family medical problems there's no real need to reconnect with your biofather... unless you had some kind of relationship with him previously, then reconnecting is just down to how you feel. Obviously your true father is your step-dad and you shouldn't ever forget that or let your biofather come before him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolfa Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Unless biological dad has done something evil to you/your family in the past, why wouldn't you find him? Especially since he's tried to find you, he clearly gives a shit. I'd be massively pissed off at my mum for keeping it quiet that he wanted to meet me in your shoes! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Unless biological dad has done something evil to you/your family in the past, why wouldn't you find him? Why would he? Assuming that he was never in his life, ever, what's the point in hunting down the sperm donor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolfa Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Because he's been trying to meet him for years, it might be the best thing he ever did! It might be the worst of course but there's only one way to find out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 I've been "trying" to meet Dave Gorman for years. Doesn't mean it's going to be a great thing for him if or when I meet him. In this day of age it's not hard to find someone, especially if you had that kind of relationship with said mother. Can't be trying that hard. I don't mean to be on the 'glass half empty' side of this argument, but if I found out I was adopted or my father wasn't really my father I wouldn't really give a shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 I'd say you're in the minority there. If I had this chance, I'd jump at it. Shame my real dad is a total c*nt really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Find him. You'll not be happy or at ease until you do. I've been lucky as I've had a well decent step dad and my proper dad who have both always been there and supportive of me. What have you got to lose by meeting him? Your stepdad will be enough of a man to understand what this means to you, so just do it mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paperclip Posted May 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 I haven't really tried to find him as its all abit recent and I've not really made up my mind. I think I'll find a name and go down the looking him up on Facebook route and just see what I feel then. After sleeping on it I almost don't see any gain unless he's super rich haha. The big negative in my head is that there's a difference wanting to contact someone when they're grown up to being there when they're growing up and that'll always piss me off. Cheers for the comments it helps, sorry to hear that Mad man Mike! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Having asked a similar (but still very different) question last week, I'd agree that meeting him can't really do any – as long as you do it for you rather than out of spite for whatever's happened between you and your step-dad recently. I very much doubt you'll regret meeting him, because that way at least you'll know what he's like. This way you have no idea, and you'll regret this time if you change your mind in, say, 10 years. Good luck either way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Do it mate, you won't regret it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Posted May 19, 2015 Report Share Posted May 19, 2015 Have you tried talking to your mum / step dad about it to see how they feel? I'm guessing you wont want to hurt your relationship with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simpson Posted May 25, 2015 Report Share Posted May 25, 2015 He's trying to reach out so there no fear or rejection or anything like that and I mean what is there to lose? You seem to want to meet given the fact that you have posted this on a public forum - if you really had massive reservations like everyones been telling you that he's a downbeat drunk your whole life it may be a different situation. I would say Facebook could be a good shout given that you could message a few times without any danger of crossing boundarys that you dont want crossed too soon for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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