Jake. Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 Okay, I'm sure we all know- or have known someone who has an eating disorder or depression. No idea if there's any other threads like this but I thought it'd be handy to have this thread here, because it's a delicate topic and we have a nice little community. I've experienced close friends and family suffer depression, and I've also watched them suffer eating disorders. My ex had depression and used to cut, it used to bother me but now I see it as a commonplace thing- attention seeking or not. I'm currently talking to a friend, who so happens to be a girl. I've known her since the start of this year and she's an amazing girl, she used to get a bloated tummy and they eventually led it down to diary/glucose food. But over time she's gotten worse and worse, and she gets counselling but stopped that on the basis that she had "someone close to share everything with" which so happened to be me, she sends me pictures of her body daily (ribcages/hips/thigh gap)- which admittedly I'm not complaining about. She has a very nice figure. But this is getting silly, she's obsessed with calorie intake. And today she's said to me that she's on -800 calories (from working out for 2 hours), and has asked if she should eat popcorn or not as it'll take it down to -600 or so... She starts medication tomorrow, anti-depressants. My ex was on these and god I've not experienced so much stress. Does anyone have any help/advice for me? I know I can't really do anything as it's a physiological thing but honestly anything would help. She's even got an instagram where she posts "thinspo" stuff- never of herself though. Some of you may tell me to drop her and run, go do one. When someone I care about is down I'll do everything I can to try and make them smile because knowing I made their day makes my day 10x more. Oh and likewise if any of you want to talk about your own depression/eating disorders please feel free to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Is this a teenagers thing? I was incredibly autistic as a child, and my mum had to sell her business, remortgage her home and give up work just to get me an official statement and into the correct education system. That's not a black cat thing, it's just a fact. Because it seems that some c**ts can reach into their pocket and find a snotty tissue they weren't expecting; and BANG. They're ''depressed''. I'd bet that 99% of ''depressed'' people haven't got f**k all to be depressed about other than their own attention seeking stupidity. I don't know a single person with depression, but I have friends in scummy circles who seem to all have depression one week then they forget about it and remanufacture it as an excuse for something else a month or two down the line. When actually they're just having a bad time and need to chin up and accept that life isn't given to you on a plate. Maybe it's my autistic nature and inability to show any empathy to anybody that's making me say this; but it is something that concerns me. Because all of these people crying wolf about being depressed may one day realise that people who are actually depressed don't put themselves in situations where they have to tell everyone they're depressed. But then there are some people who genuinely deserve to be depressed...But they just don't bleat on about it like it's fashionable, because they're ashamed of whatever their depression is. My advice to you; f**k her off out the picture before you get infected with self manufactured misery too. Edited December 11, 2014 by Pashley26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 Depression, between the ages of 13 and 19, is called growing up. Harsh but fair. The fact that the nanny state has to pander to everyone does not help. If you want to stick around, the best thing you can do is try to make her smile as much as possible. You'll probably find she just doesn't WANT to smile, and that's the time to run and let her deal with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 I'd bet that 99% of ''depressed'' people haven't got f**k all to be depressed about other than their own attention seeking stupidity. I don't know a single person with depression, but I have friends in scummy circles who seem to all have depression one week then they forget about it and remanufacture it as an excuse for something else a month or two down the line. When actually they're just having a bad time and need to chin up and accept that life isn't given to you on a plate. I'm no expert, but I'm fairly sure you don't get it. Depression as an illness is not the same as the standard definition of the word depressed. Everyone feels depressed sometimes, but that's not nearly the same thing as the mental condition of it. Way I think of it is the difference between being depressed by default rather than circumstance. I've known a few people with depression (who weren't just whiney teenagers) and it's not something they've gloated about but something they live with, mostly privately. I agree that the depression label is too easily given to people who are fed up with something arbitrary but I'd always initially try to think in terms of genuine depression. And in terms of helping them with it I really don't think there's much you can do unless you can alter people's serotonin levels (legally ). Just don't be a douche too them basically. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Just don't be a douche too them basically. *to. Edited December 11, 2014 by Pashley26 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted December 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) I agree with what you're saying completely. But everyone works differently and gets affected by different things, and depression is often tied down to attention seeking. It's quite easy to tell when someone is and isn't doing it for attention. For example, having an instagram on a separate account that has no relationship to you in the bio/name etc whatsoever isn't attention seeking. But maybe that's just me? Maybe it is just part of growing up? My ex whom I was with for 4 years between the age of 14-18 I believe had very mild or even no depression but she did cut. The person I'm talking to now has shown me pictures with chunks cut out of her arm, and has an ongoing eating condition. Yes she's 17, but I know about her past and can very easily see how it's affected her present. Yes I know what you're saying JD, I'm at the last half year of my teens. But I feel I'm in a position I may be able to help and I'm calling to those who've dealt with similar situations or even are in the situation themselves now. I wouldn't be writing this if I had any doubt whatsoever about the fact she has an eating disorder or not. Edited December 11, 2014 by Jake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) But why would she be sending you pictures of her body if she wasn't attention seeking? Seems to me like she's leeching onto you. Have you had sex with her? Edited December 11, 2014 by Pashley26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted December 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 Haha she's by far leeching onto me, her heart is set on another guy whom has f**ked her off completely but that's another matter. We have had sexual acts but not sex. I can understand why you ask though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark W Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 "Attention seeking" is a bit of a loose phrase though. Someone in a burning house waving their arm out the window is technically "attention seeking", but there's obviously a reason behind it. In the instance of Jake's friend, her "attention seeking" could be because she just wants to get some compliments, but it could also be because of a much deeper issue - it's also worth bearing in mind that when people are depressed, they don't have the same rational/logical approach to things so trying to apply your own brand of reasoning/logic to their actions might not lead you to the real reasons behind what they're doing. EDIT: Although it's slightly misleading in a way, as an example about 5-6 years ago my Dad started suffering from depression and ended up taking anti-depressants briefly. I was the first person he spoke to openly about being depressed (at the start of a 3 hour car journey...), and he was clearly not in a particularly good way. Other people took it as being a mid-life crisis and just the usual 'growing old' thing. As it transpires, it was actually one of a few symptoms he was displaying of early-onset Parkinson's - reduced levels of dopamine meant that he was legitimately getting depressed, but it happened to be masked by circumstances at the time. Of course the pieces were only put together once he was diagnosed last year, but what I'm getting at is that someone just using their own experiences to judge and understand why someone else feels the way they feel can often be misguided. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 11, 2014 Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Haha she's by far leeching onto me, her heart is set on another guy whom has f**ked her off completely but that's another matter. We have had sexual acts but not sex. I can understand why you ask though. I've had the same thing; she's using you. She is using you as an emotional and social leaning post but she isn't really into you, I promise you if you distance yourself from her even slightly or start to hang out with other girls she will turn every flavour of crazy. If you want to do that or not it's up to you, but I've had girls treat me in exactly the same way. Uncommitted to me, more interested in other guys but happy to let me finger blast them when the time suits them (usually in exchange for a lift somewhere, buying them lunch/something they've wanted), treating me like a possession and a toy. It's not healthy. Maybe I've jumped to conclusions, but I don't think I'm the only one who will say that. Sounds pretty lame for you Edited December 11, 2014 by Pashley26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted December 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2014 I've PM'd you dude. And yeah Mark, exactly. It's all about perspective and a lot of modern day society has led to believe the majority are attention seeking- which sucks for those who aren't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted December 12, 2014 Report Share Posted December 12, 2014 I do get what you mean Jake, I've been there. In fact, much like you seem to be, I was naturally drawn to complete f**kups. Let me put it this way: I don't regret getting involved with them, but if I had to start my life over I wouldn't get involved the 2nd time. You have to have an element of self preservation about these things. I have no doubt that one of the main triggers to my alcoholism over the past 10 years was due to coping with the pressure of trying to 'save' people who couldn't or didn't want to be saved. That is not, by the way, me attention seeking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsMatt Posted December 12, 2014 Report Share Posted December 12, 2014 Jake I think your snapchat stories are enough to give anyone an eating disorder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe O'Connor Posted December 12, 2014 Report Share Posted December 12, 2014 I agree with both sides presented here. A butt load of "depression" comes down to selfishness, refusal to change, attention seeking or something else stupid like that. On the other side, in my girlfriends case, being sent to the other side of the world because your parents are druggies, being passed around foster homes for 7 years, never having a real family and being used by guys in relationships leads to real depression. Having said that, I believe that most depression is situational depression. You could be depressed from living with abusive parents but once you leave there and your situation changes there isn't that reason to be depressed and it fits into some form of selfishness or refusal to change. I quite easily get depressed when I'm stuck in a crappy living situation and anxiety usually follows. When I begin to get to that stage I change crap around and fix it. Having a chemical imbalance leading to depression like Jake's father is a legitimate excuse to claim depression. Blaming stubbornness on a bad past isn't legitimate excuse in my books. As for that girl, its up to you. I've spent a year on a girl with a lot of issues. Its hard work, seriously, it nearly drove me into the ground. You don't have any responsibility for her health or well being, if you think she isn't going to help herself, get out while you can. If she looks like she is on a road to recovery that you can help with, go for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 I only skimmed the topic but I'm kind of glad that it seems that people don't know what the f**k they're talking about when it comes to depression. It means you've not experienced it. People who seriously suffer from depression feel 10 times as bad as that one time you found out your girl had sex with someone else, or your friend / family member just passed away ALL THE TIME. And their "good days" are when they feel only 3 times as bad as opposed to 10. A lot of it can be physiological, but it can also be a chemical imbalance which it's why it's important to go talk to people rather than doing something stupid. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 15, 2014 Report Share Posted December 15, 2014 http://totalfratmove.com/guy-goes-to-mexico-to-kill-himself-spends-week-doing-coke-and-banging-hookers-decides-to-keep-living/ That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali C Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 I want to say that being depressed isn't a choice and you don't need a reason, It's not directly situation based it's a mental illness and can come on for no real reason or can be triggered by an event, it's not just black and white. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simpson Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 Mate I'm not saying in a "f**k her off" way at all but youv'e know the girl for a year. For her to stop councilling because she has someone to talk to is complete bull. She needs professional help and guidance and you need to be there for when shes really low and needs someone who knows her best to pick her up. It is not your role to receive pictures from her and evaluate her body and tell her shes fine because to be honest whilst you think your helping her I would bet that really you are not. Of persons (and women especially) there are 2 sides to them. The rational and the irrational. You are trying to talk and reason with her rational self however in people who display this kind of behavoiur you will find that the rational has already gone right out the f**king window. Best thing you can do is get her help and be there for her. Don't get too attached either - remember you are NOT her counciller, you are not her parents, you are not a brother or sister, this is not a lifetime friend. People like this will grab the people who are kind enough to devote their time and efforts solely to them until it suits them. Basically as soon as you think "really your crossing the f**king line now" evalutate your position and change it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dngr2self Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 I'd take a step back mate. Be her mate not her councillor. She needs proper help from people that know how to deal with situations like this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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