Boumsong Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 I'm just curious. Its been recent topic of discussion as a we lost a good friend on the 25th. Would you visit a friends body in the funeral home/morgue? The cremation isn't until the 14th of February but we have been allowed to make a visit to see him if we want to before hand. My last interaction/memories are fairly average considering we had no idea what was coming. Cheerio on a Friday afternoon after work and away we went. Next morning he'd passed. So...Would you make the visit? Or not? Maybe a little about why? I'm undecided at this stage. Leaning towards not, as I don't really want the last time I see this guy to be cold and flat on his back. But maybe i'll regret it if I don't have a final goodbye? Tough one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 I would mate. But depends how he passed I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Booth Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 If you don't you'll always regret it, if you do you'll always regret going. I lost my uncle 8 years ago, he was my hero and it had a massive impact on my life. After a 2 year fight with cancer in hospitals/hospices he gave in and passed away. I didn't have the choice to visit him on life support so the last time I saw him alive he was in a hospital bed, weak, frail and very blank. I visited him in the chapel of rest and for weeks after regretted going, it seemed so awful seeing him lying there so still, but a few years later I came to terms with it and I'm pleased I went. It's the last time I saw him but he was dressed well and looked at peace, far far faaarr better then seeing him weak in a hospital bed. The choice is yours dude, whichever you choose will be wrong in the moment but will justify itself in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 When my aunt died (she was living with us) my dad asked me to pay my respects to her. I didn't want to go and I remember not liking what I saw. It didn't scar me or anything but I would not do it again, especially if it was someone young. Seeing my aunt in bed for the last few months of her life made me more accustomed to the sight the day she died. Your call, I'd highly disagree with Tom about the "if you don't you'll always regret it". The way I see it, you might regret not going to the funeral, but seeing a dead body... well, I'm not sure what there is to regret there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boumsong Posted January 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 He had a massive heart attack in his sleep. Friday afternoon as lively as ever. Saturday morning, gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Visit. You will regret it for the rest of your life. People are a long time dead, go see him and feel what you need to feel before he goes. Sorry for your loss Allen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Booth Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 The if you don't go, if you do go was more a whatever your decision, it'll be the wrong one for a while. Not a GO OTHERWISE YOU'LL HATE YOURSELF FOREVER. Kinda deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Having thought about it I'd hate to see a close mate/relation laying dead, I'd be shaken up at first but can see how it's nicer in the years to come to remember them resting in peace. But if they were mutilated in a car crash or whatever, then I'd definitely rather remember them as last seeing them saying bye for work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewEH1 Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 My opinion, do what you feel is right. If you go when you think back about him one of the first things you'll see is his dead body laying there. My mother died in 2012 after about a month in hospital, after being by her side at her last moments and subsequently being in and out of her room in the following couple of hours she looked completely different and empty of life. When ever I think of my mother is picturing her laying on the hospital bed. Although not a shocking image it's not what one you really want in your head. Although she looked 'peaceful' she wasn't full of life as she was when she was living - if that makes sense? Obviously funeral homes make dead people look better, but although I had the opportunity to see her there I didn't feel the need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Anscombe Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 Me personaly -I would not visit-The person/personality no longer resides in the body-the essence is gone- Its now just an empty vessele -Its not the person you knew and loved- Its better for your last memory to be of the person living -In my opinion Im really sorry for your loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stirlingpowers Posted January 29, 2014 Report Share Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) It heavily injured me every time I did this. However, considering how fast this was for you, it could perhaps help to find closure. Edited January 30, 2014 by stirlingpowers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 When my grandad passed away I had the option of going to see him. I didn't, because I thought it would probably scar me for life seeing him like that. I don't regret my decision, I'm happy that the last time I saw him was nice. I did miss the opportunity to have one last beer with him though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 (edited) I'd make my peace in my mind, like dave said you're only going to see an empty vessel of what was once your friend. In your thoughts you can say goodbye to your friend. Sounds like a treehugger thing to say but death and pain are very spiritual and seeing a corpse in a coffin isn't going to help in any way. Your choice though x EDIT: Maybe speak to his family if you feel you need the closure, might help. Edited January 30, 2014 by DrStix Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williams Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 I'd rather regret doing something, than not doing it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 I don't think I'd go. I haven't had the chance when anyone close has died. I suppose the closest experience I have had to the one you're going through is my best mate killing himself 6 years ago. Like I say, I didn't have the chance, but I definitely don't feel like I 'missed out' on something. Seeing a dead body isn't high on my list of things to do on any given day, and this way I can still see him as he was rather than lying on a slab. I do often still get visions of how he would have looked at the time of his death, and those are bad enough though only imaginary. I'm not sure I'd want to add real visions to those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamR28 Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 Better to regret something you did do, than something you didn't. Edit: Williams beat me to it, dammit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 A mate of mine died a few years ago, but I hadn't seen him or spoken to him for a good couple of months. (He'd gone travelling during the summer break from uni). I kinda wish I'd got the chance to go and see him, because I couldn't remember when the last time I saw or spoke to him was, and still can't. I think it was on a normal night out in Sheffield but can't be sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trialsalot Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. What it seems like you're worried about is the unknown. You don't know how you'll feel when or if you go so indecision due to being unable to comprehend the emotion you'll feel if you see him. I'd go,it's not just about seeing a body but all the memories that aired between relatives and friends. Don't be scared,get stuck in fella! Sorry about your loss dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted January 30, 2014 Report Share Posted January 30, 2014 Personally I think I would if it was someone I had been close to for some sense of finality, I guess. Not something I'd 'want' to do but something I feel I should. I get the 'it's not him in there argument' but still, I think I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boumsong Posted February 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 I've decided not to go. I found a few photos which seems to satisfy the grieving for now. I guess time will tell whether I've made the appropriate decision or not. The reminiscing and joking about at work is helping loads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HippY Posted February 1, 2014 Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 I guess time will tell whether I've made the appropriate decision or not. You already decided. It was the right decision then, this was how you saw it at that very moment when you decided and actually there were no bad decision here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted February 1, 2014 Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Good stuff, i'm glad you've found your own way of dealing with it. I'm definitely in the 'not' camp, i've seen a few and I really wouldn't wanna do it again out of choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted February 1, 2014 Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Slightly different but not totally removed. I had the choice to see my Dad before they turned off the machine - he was in a vegetative state after brain surgery - but I chose not to and I don't think it made a difference to me. Then again I don't care for graves or funeral rituals either. As someone said, do whatever feels like it's going to serve you best in the long run. For some of us death is just death and the conventional offerings for dealing with it just don't necessarily mean much. Nowt wrong in that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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