Mark W Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Dissertations. 15,000 words is too much not even I can chat that much rubbish. I thought that, but ended up having way too much and struggling to cut it down. I was fairly half-arsed with my research, but even with that it mounted up and once you get into the swing of things it just keeps on going. Admittedly this is based on leaving all of my dissertation until the last week, and then the task of writing the dissertation itself to the only all-nighter I pulled throughout my degree... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 I just spent £60 on a scarf made from Mongolian cashmere wool. I have a money problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 I haven’t ranted in a while, so here’s another one of these posts, it’s an appropriate time. Time for some stream of conscious. Last night sucked a lot. Thought I was just going out for a quick little session that was going well, was landing my 180s and 360s without using any pedal kicks which I was all happy about, even I was annoyed at the effort they are on my Ashton. Anyways, that was all well and good until I came off the back and twisted my knee. It felt like it dislocated and popped back in, a feeling I’m pretty familiar with now. So I lay on the ground in agony for a while being scared to move it. After five minutes a women came and offered to call for help, but I was somewhere without phone reception. The pain was less agonizing so I managed to hobble to a bench and said I’ll probably be fine since I only live up the road, which was a pretty massive mistake. I tried to walk ten minutes later, and that didn’t work, couldn’t put any weight on it without a big heaping of pain. I locked my bike up and since I didn’t have any reception I had to crawl in away so that my leg didn’t hurt too much up this stupidly steep hill for around four hundred metres. Half way up the hill a car came down with some teenage girls on it. They saw me there, I imagine clearly looking like I was in pain, clutching at my leg and waving at them saying ‘help me’ and they just kept going. So they’re disgusting people but they come back into it later. It’s a pretty helpless feeling being by yourself and having to crawl like that, especially when you’re thinking of how this is going to impact your life in all the negative ways (there’s no positive anyway). I eventually got to the road that I managed to get to the other side of before some people saw me and helped me to the entrance of the pub. I opened the door and hobbled past the bar to the back, some people came to see what was up but at the point I was in no mood to be meeting some random people and explaining anything. I’m also going to mention how cold it was, when I was crawling it was about -3*C. It really sucked a great deal. I called home to England and my dad said he’d call my aunt and she’d get me to a hospital, I wasn’t sure how this would work out with my insurance so got nervous about that. The people from the bar seemed to take it in turns to come talk to me individually; it was at least nice to get some distraction. Aunt came, got to the hospital, and had some x-rays. No bone damage but I’ve got to make an appointment to check my other insides and whatever. Got given some crutches, got back to the pub I stay at, had diner, went to sleep. Also, at the hospital I got pretty annoyed with my doctor freak. He started asking if I was wearing a helmet and I just can’t help but think what a stupid question. The problem was clearly with my knee. When I said ‘yes’ anyway he started that ‘oh you say that but…’ like I was lying about it when really I just wanted to say you’re paid to deal with the problems I am having. If my knee did dislocate, that might mean my joints are pretty useless. I started riding four years ago, but the amount of time I’ve actually been riding is around two and a half years after taking away the recovery times from my shoulder dislocating. That’s annoying. And now if my knee follows the same routine I’m pretty much screwed and might have to just give it up which upsets me a lot. I’ve never had much of an idea about what I want to do with my life but the one thing I was certain about was I wanted to be involved with trials in some way and if I can’t do that I’m not going to be happy. I know it’s stupid to think it but I always thought if I had my bike with me I’d have something to look forward to, like the past few months when I had to deal with my relatives giving a hard time that resulted in me having to live alone in a pub where moronic ghost hunters come freak me out and where I’ve had to pick up human poo because drunk people can’t aim their excrement into a toilet properly I at least was able to think ‘oh, well at least I can go ride tomorrow’. But now I’m dealing with the same crap (get it? I unintentionally made a funny) while waltzing around on crutches that are killing my sides. Plus I got moved out of my room and got put up a floor, so now that’s two flights of stairs I have to get up. Plus now some people are staying in the pub as well, some young people. Some disgusting young people who drive past people clearly in need of help. Also some disgusting young people who use my popcorn. I had just got that popcorn, I had borrowed some movies from the library and planned on having a nice little evening of just sitting back and eating my beloved popcorn. So now they’ve deprived me of that. They’ve also deprived me of the tv room since apparently when they stay in my old room they pretty much get the floor locked off. My rent price better reflect that. So anyways, I pretty much have no idea what I’m doing now. I don’t know what I’m going to try and head towards with my life or what country that’s going to be in. Although that will probably be impacted by my new knee problem. That’ll mean going back to England where I won’t know what to do. I could try and go to university, but I have no idea what subject area I can commit myself to for three years or so and then plus having to pay for the risk makes that an unattractive option. I was liking the whole Liberal Arts thing here in America, but that option seems like it could close at some point in the future. Saying all this though, I just got a job as a cashier at a supermarket. That’s something I forgot about actually, making the eight mile trip there in bike probably won’t be possible in time for my next shift. And that sucks because I was genuinely enjoying that. It was a nice change from a lot of isolation to being around the other young people there and dealing with the customers. Seems like when I finally got something to go right the Scheiße hits the fan. If I can’t work that means no money, meaning I’ll have to get more from my parents and I know that can’t continue much longer. And if that’ll mean coming back to England which will feel like failure to me. I was really trying to do some worthwhile with myself here, trying really hard. Ughgaboogahschuga. And now it’s snowing. Having to crutch around in the snows going to annoying. I could just about end this here but I’m going to keep going. Mainly out of boredom now and plus it’s nice writing things down. Problem is I can’t decide where to pick up from. I’m going to go with the role of people in my life. Most people seem to get the impression I’m some kind of reclusive introvert because I don’t talk much, which I guess is true to a fairly minimal extent. But that’s not true, I really like having people around, people I like anyway and really I’m not that fussy. Thing that has sucked the past few months is I was pretty much in solitary confinement because of staying in the country with my aunt and uncle and I hadn’t started working at college or working then. I had accepted that would pretty much be my purgatory time so I dealt with it. But living by myself in a place with practically nobody to talk to is pretty miserable, especially when the only people you speak to are your family who constantly remind you to get a job when I’ve been walking miles to applications, it wasn’t motivation as much as pouring salt on a wound. Meh, what’cha gonna do. This is all pretty self-pitying I realize but I kind of need a bit of that. I feel stupid feeling so annoyed with the stuff when there are little African babies having flies lay eggs in the corners of their eyes but I don’t have much experience with that. Speaking about that, I’ll stop now. I’ve exceeded my daily limit of being self-obsessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Can we have a TL;DR please? I'm not awake enough to read all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Hurt knee, making life a pain in the arse, doesn't know whether or not to stick it out in yankland 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 f**king hate being too busy and making commitments to others so that I can't see other people. Finding it so hard to get a balance of seeing uni mates, sixthform/school friends, girlfriend, riding mates, fitting in all this bastarding uni work. I even have to go for runs at 10 as thats when im free lol. Stressing now like a bitch because we've got a report in tomorrow gaygaygay Kinda weird in a way being like this as it lets me know who I actually want to keep friends with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted March 21, 2013 Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 Ditch missus, buy new bike, problem solved (You know I'm joking really) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdoku Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Stupid f**king work. Monday -Thursday and Saturday is my 5 days I am required to work. Through some confusion I thought I had Saturday off, tomorrow. Turns out I didn't so I asked the boss if I can get someone to cover my Saturday can I have it off as well? Got someone to cover me, boss said I can have Saturday off. Sorted. Get a text this morning saying I have to work today because I'm having tomorrow off. WHAT? At no point she said that I have to work today. Then she starts saying I'm required to work 5 days a week, but I couldn't work the 5th day that's why I'm asked someone to cover my ass. So I agreed to go in today to have Saturday off. Sorted, starts to get ready for work. NO. Get a text from boss saying I can take today off as an official holiday, but today is normally my day off anyway so why would I take my normal day off as a holiday? She says because I'm having Saturday off, but I got someone to cover my 5th day! So after some arguing I agreed to take today off as official holiday cos she was not budging and I had already agreed to go see some friends today, tomorrow and Sunday. When someone else at work asks for extra time off yeah it's coo, no problems, but when I ask, no, or they screw me over like today. f**king douches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew62 Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Seems fair what they've said. Person covering you gets an extra days pay and you get the time off you wanted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 That sucks dude and there's nothing wrong with being caught up in the feelings of something bad that's happening; it's a natural response. Those feelings are supposed to generate responses to whatever problem and only become problematic if you don't act on them but only dwell on them. Trying to compare your problems to suffering elsewhere doesn't really mean much to be honest. The sensations that follow from your personal problems is a necessary event so that you know something is wrong and you deal with it. The presence of depression, frustration, etc. isn't some form of self-obsession - although it can become that if you start enjoying self-pitying - but it's more like the fuel light on a car. It's saying that in order to maintain your functioning you need to provide yourself with something that isn't really there at the moment. Even if where you are doesn't work out and you had to return to England, sometimes that's just the way it goes. Things that you couldn't have predicted going into a situation can mean something ends up not being viable. That's not anything that you've done yourself it was just a fact of the surrounding environment and events that followed from it. For instance, I booked a meditation retreat last year and ended up having to do resits that ended the day before I went - my fault in a sense but I couldn't have predicted it. I stayed for just over half of the period I had booked but felt too burnt out from exams to properly engage and even feel comfortable there so I tried my best but decided I had to leave. I was becoming even more burnt out trying to meditate every day. I had the sensation of having failed and wasting money but it's not realistic to simply negate the way things go. I've had other retreats that have been amazing and I've wanted to stay when they are reaching their end. Basically, we're not insulated people that should be able to achieve regardless of the surrounding factors and it sounds like you've had an array of surrounding factors that haven't offered you the experience you were after or needed. You probably couldn't have predicted them so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Regarding the possibility of uni, it took me years to figure out what I wanted to do but, thinking about it, I knew all along what really interested me. There's just so many external sources and pressures to conform in some sense that we can get confused about what we want and what we think we should be doing. Spend time reading literature on whatever subject seems interesting and find out what a deeper understanding offers you. Sometimes just trying to decide based on the idea of a subject without gaining experience doesn't really offer you much insight and, in actuality, can give you unrealistic expectations. It's hard to understand what you want to do in life and I think people don't recognise that you really have to work at coming to understand. And I totally relate to frustration from injury. Since I started riding I've been injured more than I've been free of injury. I guess in my instance because I'm older now but I dislike it and it worries me that I might end up not being able to ride. I really feel for your prospects there anyway. So it sounds like things are a bit shit for you at the moment so it's okay to feel shit. Don't see that as anything than the natural response of human beings. Recognise it as a call to figure stuff out and change if necessary. It's only problematic if you change it into ideas that impede your ability to resolve whatever problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Thats completely and utterly fair from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) I read it all, if that makes you feel any better? Once you find work and you have a purpose you should feel a whole lot better about yourself, Being miserable isn;t going to help when looking for work as people can read you before you even say hello. I'm sure it'll all turn out just dandy in the end. EDIT: Yeah, what Ben said. Edited March 22, 2013 by Luke Dunstan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamKidney Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Snow. The f**king white stuffs landed just when I didn't want or need it to. Can't go collect my frame and tyres, and the chances of my delivery arriving in this weather is slim. The above means faffing around getting another time to collect my frame from the most useless and unreliable person I know, and re-arranging my delivery for Thursday next week as no-one's able to wait in and sign for it until then. So no bike for another week, which will make it 5 weeks without. Fuming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 My mind is being a total fanny while i sleep. HEY MAN YOU SHOULD BE WITH YOUR EX IT'D BE GREAT. f**k right off... 5th night in a row - this is getting so old now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks for writing all that. Trying to get some stuff sorted now, just annoying how circumstantial it is now because of my knee. At least they angry thread will always be here I read it all, if that makes you feel any better? Once you find work and you have a purpose you should feel a whole lot better about yourself, Being miserable isn;t going to help when looking for work as people can read you before you even say hello. I'm sure it'll all turn out just dandy in the end. EDIT: Yeah, what Ben said. Haha, yea it does I'm not allowed to work at the supermarket, I've just been given a couple days off now so at least I can try and rinse some essays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzatrip Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 5th night in a row - this is getting so old now. Don't know the dealio but its probably not worth it, she's an ex for a reason? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Bloody snow, my relief who should have been here 20 mins ago is stuck at Totley waiting for a train to stop and pick him up as the snow's so bad which means I'm gonna be stuck in work till at least 11. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Well, that's 11pm come and gone. Still, makes it 2hrs overtime in the piggybank now at least! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shercofray Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 Well, that's 11pm come and gone. Still, makes it 2hrs overtime in the piggybank now at least! What exactly do you do? Is it like changing the tracks etc? Sounds a quiet job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzatrip Posted March 22, 2013 Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 What exactly do you do? Is it like changing the tracks etc? Sounds a quiet job! He does nothing, I've heard him work for like 30seconds 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skoze Posted March 23, 2013 Report Share Posted March 23, 2013 Don't know the dealio but its probably not worth it, she's an ex for a reason? Yeah man totally! Got no intention of doing anything about it - just immensely tedious to wake up pissed off every morning and have no control over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzatrip Posted March 23, 2013 Report Share Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah man totally! Got no intention of doing anything about it - just immensely tedious to wake up pissed off every morning and have no control over it. Better then when I wake up and want to stab mine, and unable to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a2bcio8 Posted March 23, 2013 Report Share Posted March 23, 2013 Life's such a tease sometimes. I felt like I was getting better and all of a sudden I'm experiencing pretty intense fatigue, restless leg syndrome, headches, nausea, etc. all of which looked like they were on their way out. I have a complete inability to derive enjoyment from anything at the moment. When your symptoms don't follow the norm you start to wonder if something has become fixed in you. What's especially worse is that today is my female's birthday celebration involving heavy socialising. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate and not move my legs around. Is it better to go and act like a spaz and make an appearance or not go and avoid the embarassment of social ineptitude but potentially piss woman off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted March 23, 2013 Report Share Posted March 23, 2013 It's her birthday and you can't control your legs? Utilise it and dance! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadManMike Posted March 23, 2013 Report Share Posted March 23, 2013 Self inflicted, but shiiiiiit this is the worst hangover I've had in a few years I think - lots of lovely vomit. Crazy leaving do for my manager last night, we all started drinking straight after work at 1pm, no wonder it ended so messy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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