trialsquirt Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 i hear tescos' chicken is the dog's bollox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 One woman has fell ill after after eating a tesco horse burger, her condition is stable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted January 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 Paddy says to Murphy, " have you seen the news? "3 Cliff Walkers have fallen to their deaths!" "Unbelievable said Murphy, i can't believe they all had the same name!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 oh dear.............. A friend of mine was complaining that there's no real comedic merit to sick jokes; that there's too much reliance on a relatively offensive or risqué punchline. Anyway, we argued about it for a while and then I raped her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King C Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 Bill and Ben were in the bath, "flubba dubba dub" went Bill. "That's disgusting!" shouted Ben. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onza pro series guy Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 i was gonna tell a joke about a vagina, but you'll never get it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny00135 Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 I was in the Tesco Cafe ordering my food & the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger.So I had a fiver each way 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 A priest was driving along one day and he saw a young boy sitting by the road crying. The priest stopped and walked over to the little boy. "Whats the matter?" The priest asked. The little boy replied "My mother, my father, brother and sister went over the cliff in the car and went boom" the priest looked over the edge and saw the mangled bodies and the car wreck. The priest looked away and his face soften then looked down at the boy and unzipped his fly and said "this just isn't your day". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny00135 Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 I just asked my Dad "does the chinese takeaway deliver?" He said "no it's more like duck, chicken.. that sort of stuff" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 did you hear the one about the titanic? it went down quite well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich J Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arw_86 Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 I went to the bakery the other day and all cakes were reduced to 30p each! So i picked the one i wanted and went to pay. Baker said "That's £2.20 please" "It says all cakes are 30p?" i replied "Ye...but thats Madeira cake!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Gething Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped. ahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam T Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Enjoying myself in a night club last night, this really ugly girl come upto me, squeezed my arse and said "give me your number sexy" I said "have you a pen?" she smiled and said "yes" I said "well f*ck off back to it then before the farmer notices that you're missing" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 i hear the courts and penal system in south africa is rife with corruption and false convictions, Oscar Pistorius wont have a leg to stand on.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny00135 Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, idiot! BREATHE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!” She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted March 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2013 What do nuclear physicists have for their tea on Friday? Fission chips. . I'm so skint at the minute I'm living off herbs my mate has lent me. I'm living on borrowed thyme. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinJI Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onza pro series guy Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 A little while ago I maxed out my overdraft buying a top of the range unicycle. I knew riding it around the bank would do me favours though; they've called me every morning since just to discuss my outstanding balance. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 Despite getting A-Levels results of A,B,B,A, it seems no employer will take a chance on me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*gentlydoesit Posted August 22, 2013 Report Share Posted August 22, 2013 Why did the penguin cross the road? Because it was selotaped to the chicken! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzatpro09 Posted August 26, 2013 Report Share Posted August 26, 2013 What do you call a gay terrorist? A suicide bummer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*gentlydoesit Posted August 27, 2013 Report Share Posted August 27, 2013 A guy walks into a bar... and says owch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 My auntie thought alcohol was the answer to everything. She didn't drink, she was just terrible at quizzes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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