crashbanggg Posted August 14, 2012 Report Share Posted August 14, 2012 Why couldn't the bike go any further? It was two tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 What time does Andy Murray got to bed? Tennish. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomm Posted August 16, 2012 Report Share Posted August 16, 2012 Sean Connery was recently hospitalised following an accident at home where a book fell on his head. In a statement, he said (in your best Scottish accent) "I have only myshelf to blame" 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2012 Murphy walks into Paddys barn & catches him naked, wanking in front of a tractor. Murphy says " bloody hell Paddy, what you doing?" Well you see me & Mary haven't been getting on just lately & my therapist recommended i should do something sexy to attract her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack Reg What does his mother call him? R Reg What do you call him at his funeral? X Reg What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 paddy and murphy sitting on the floor, paddy falls off...... what do you call a bungee jumper with no bungee cord? tony scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Venisons deer, isn't it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Venisons deer, isn't it? That joke slightly irritates me when Jimmy Carr puts it across as (at least one of) the shortest joke. I can do the same joke in half the words: Venison's dear. Still very good though, and obviously not a dig at you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 That joke slightly irritates me when Jimmy Carr puts it across as (at least one of) the shortest joke. I can do the same joke in half the words: Venison's dear. Still very good though, and obviously not a dig at you! It needs to be phrased as a question though for it to work, doesn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Not really, it can be a statement as well because venison is indeed deer/dear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 It doesn't sound right when you say it as a statement though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Then say it as a question! Venison's dear? Didn't realise this was the rocket science thread 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Or the buzzkill thread 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 Making sure these jokes are analysed enough Stationary shop relocates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 But then it's not stationary... I don't get it Then again, if it was stationary, it wouldn't be a shop. It'd be a pencil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted August 22, 2012 Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) But then it's not stationary... I don't get it Then again, if it was stationary, it wouldn't be a shop. It'd be a pencil. i hope this is sarcasm. Edited August 22, 2012 by trials hoe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 My mum said it was impossible to make a car out of spaghetti. Should have seen her face when I drove pasta... 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pazu Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big Croc, "What have you been eating?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc. "Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?" " Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?" "Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!" " Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment.See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted August 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prince. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Booth Posted August 29, 2012 Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prince. That doesn't belong in here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete.M Posted September 1, 2012 Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) How do you explain the rising cost of bike pumps? Inflation. Edited September 1, 2012 by Pete.M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted September 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 How do you explain the rising cost of bike pumps? Inflation. A bad joke, and in line with the forum! 10 points! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss-Higgy Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 What do you call a sleep walking nun? A roaming catholic. What's yellow, thick and extremely dangerous? Shark infested custard. What's round, purple and tried to take over the world? Alexander the grape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucky Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 what do you call stolen cheese? Nacho cheese 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trials hoe Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 hear about the tragic crash involving an ice cream van? hundreds and thousands were lost. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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