Pashley26 Posted December 7, 2008 Report Share Posted December 7, 2008 LOL!Whats wierd, immature and gets a dog to lick its penis?Jarrod MI'm not the one who thinks of cock when I see a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Smith Posted December 7, 2008 Report Share Posted December 7, 2008 what has 2 legs and bleeds?(half of a dog)also...At The Border CheckpointFive Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four.''Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorted disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.'''You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy. 'Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.''You idiot!', the Englishmen replies angrily. 'Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!''Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy dealing with two guys in a Fiat Uno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gandalf the Yellow Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 Old enough.old enough to party!good jokes in there.p.s. racist jokes are the best, and you know it.How do chinese people name their kids?-They throw their cutlery down the stairs.steve*ching chang chong* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 old enough to party!good jokes in there.p.s. racist jokes are the best, and you know it.How do chinese people name their kids?-They throw their cutlery down the stairs.steve*ching chang chong* Did you see my original ? All I said was witch and kkk, kids these days think it's cool to be PC. Trust bledz, it isn't'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jitters Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will makethe sivil servants jump with joy.The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in Zeforst plas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Metcalfe Posted December 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will makethe sivil servants jump with joy.The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in Zeforst plas. Like reading threads in NMC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_Trials Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 This is not just pieThis is bogey green, gone off pieThis is not just food , THIS IS NETTO FOOD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewish james Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 A new version of russian roulet there are 6 really fit women in a room you can have a blojob af any one but..........one of them is a cannable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrian Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 okay i dont know how to make so that you have to highlight itbut hey ho...whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and porsche? i dont have a porsche in my garage...2) how do you get 20 dead babies in a bin?blender...how do you get them out again....straw3) how do you sink a submarine full of blondes?knock on the door...4)why did a blonde sit on a newspaper naked?she wanted to try lip reading5)what do you call two pakis in a sleeping bag?twixerrrm yea they suck, but there just ones i remember being told Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pashley26 Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 3) how do you sink a submarine full of blondes?knock on the door...Is this the shittiest nonsensical joke in the world? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Brodie Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 More funny names wayne kingteresa greenhughe garse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NVWOCI WVS Posted December 9, 2008 Report Share Posted December 9, 2008 Is this the shittiest nonsensical joke in the world?Definitely makes sense. What would happen if you open the hatch of the submarine while it was underwater, Jarrod? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Metcalfe Posted December 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Is this the shittiest nonsensical joke in the world? Made me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallett Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 whats the difference between a giraffe and a bulldozer?ones got highdraulics and the others got high b@llocks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor Powell Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Whats the difference between madeline maccan and jesus ?Jesus died a virgin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadbury's cream egg Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 What do you call a hot indian women ? asifwhat do you call a indian lesbian ?mingeater Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrian Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 Whats the difference between madeline maccan and the pope ?the pope died a virginthats the version i heard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monty-adam Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 A Few names appeared on the register at college the other day when the computer failed and a piece of paper was handed around the class:Bob StainsBen DoverPeter File hehe..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_Trials Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face."Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud."Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep."You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said."Uh, yes," he said sheepishly."How did you know?""You left your wheelchair at the bar again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shamus Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 (edited) Thats from a jeremy clarkson book isn't it?Swear i have read it before somewhere. Edited December 11, 2008 by shamus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_Trials Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 I'm not sure I have never read the book. My mate told me it though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamness™ Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 Why did snoop dog bring an umbrella?Fo' drizzleThank you and goodnight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurence--Trials Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Was searching for something found this, thought it might be worth a bump. I need cheering up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Sickipedia.org </thread> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Gibbs Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I thought it would be funny to type in Retard into my sat nav and see where i ended up, put the kettle on i'm outside! What do you call a chav in a padded cell? Safe! What do 9v batteries and a**holes have in common? You know you shouldnt lick em but you do anyway! My missus said to me "i want something shiny and does 0-200 in a split second." so i brought her the bathroom scales! Lady gaga said she is dropping facebook for charity, i think she should drop her knickers for clarity! I have LOTS more but the rules forbid me to post them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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