LukasMcNeal Posted March 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 your mums so fat, when i tryed to mount her . . i burnt my arse on the light bulb.ROFL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danny l Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 a mum and her son are walking through a park and the see two people having sex on a bench.the kid asks" mum what are those people doing?"the mum not wanting to tell the kid what the people are doing due to the awkward questions it would raise says " they are making a cake honey"the next morning the kid says to the mum " you and daddy were making cakes last night"the mum asks" how do you know"the kid says " because i ate the icing off the sofa this morning" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted March 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 a mum and her son are walking through a park and the see two people having sex on a bench.the kid asks" mum what are those people doing?"the mum not wanting to tell the kid what the people are doing due to the awkward questions it would raise says " they are making a cake honey"the next morning the kid says to the mum " you and daddy were making cakes last night"the mum asks" how do you know"the kid says " because i ate the icing off the sofa this morning" Haha thats Grime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Smith Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 A man walks into a bar and orders 10 pints of larger,The barman seems surprised and asks the man if he's celibrating anythingthe man replies yeah my first blowjob.the barman thinking this is a good reason offers to give the man an eleventh pint on the house'the man says don't bother if these 10 don't get rid off the taste nothing willthat sir is of one of roy chubby browns videos=LEGEND!here is a shit one a tortios walks into a pub and the barman goes oh no not you and picks the tortios up and throws it out the tortios walks back in the pub a year later and says what did you do that for Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czar-rider Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andeee Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 Yo mommas so fat she puts burger king out of buisness on her birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicks Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 wat do you call a police man with a 1p coin............a copper lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicP Posted March 18, 2008 Report Share Posted March 18, 2008 This is quite a brilliant thread NicP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted March 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 (edited) This is quite a brilliant thread NicPWhy thankyou (Be good if we could have a sticky for jokes!!)More jokes please Edited March 19, 2008 by spookylukey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monty221pr Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 The Day the Penis asked for a RaiseI, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the followingreasons:I do physical labour.I work at great depths.I plunge headfirst into everything I do.I do not get weekends or public holidays off.I work in a damp environment.I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.I work in high temperatures.My work exposes me to contagious diseases.Sincerely,P. NissThe Response:Dear P. Niss,After assessing your request, and considering the arguments youhave raised,The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:You do not work 8 hours straight.You fall asleep after brief work periods.You do not always follow the orders of the management team.You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visitingother locations.You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured andstimulated in order to start working.You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such aswearing the correct protective clothing.You will retire well before you are 65.You are unable to work double shifts.You sometimes leave your designated work area before you havecompleted your assigned task.And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering andexiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.Sincerely,V. GinaSam. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoby Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 A man walks into a pub and says "have you got any grapes?""No, sorry mate this is a pub" The Bartender replies.So the next day the man goes into the pub again and asks "Have you got any grapes?""No mate this is a pub if you ask once more ill nail you to the bar" The Bartender replies.The next day the man goes into the pub and says "You got any nails?""No" says the bartenderThen the other man askes "Well have you got any grapes then?"ROFL! How i posted before you??Look at the bottom of the 2nd page... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash-Kennard Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 PCSO's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sidehop Stuart Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 PCSO's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir_Hops_Alot Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 Yo mumma so fat that when she sits down we all sitting next to her.What does the policeman say to his tummy?.....Your under a vest!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 (edited) A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."The pastor shouted out "CROSS."Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell into total silence.Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."Gotta Love Little Old Ladies.Oh, I hope you guys don't mind religious jokes. (I'm Catholic by the way)Here's another of my favourite:A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited."I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here.I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.The very first person who entered my confessional told me he hadstolen a television set and, when questioned by the police,was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from hisparents, embezzled from his employer,had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VDto his sister. I was appalled.But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like thatand I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and lovingpeople.".....Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full ofapologies at being late.He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk."I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,"said the politician"In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him forconfession." Edited March 20, 2008 by spaceman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted March 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Lets have some more quality jokes please!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted March 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Bump please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Erm, this is not a joke, but what's bump?(pardon me for my vocab, it isn't that good!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan6061 Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Erm, this is not a joke, but what's bump?(pardon me for my vocab, it isn't that good!)Bring Up My Post.If your thread creeps down to the 2nd page, you can just 'BUMP' it. But only every 24hrs on here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Righto, I get it now.Well, some more jokes! Not really jokes, but weird questions...//Can you cry under water?How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?Why does a round pizza come in a square box?What disease did cured ham actually have?How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?Why did you just try singing the two songs above?Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txt2007 Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? it goes to the council Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Burgess Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 i dont get it ?LMFAO!!! I find that extremly hilarious!! I'm in tears That's a good joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossMcd Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Here's one!Your momma's so fat she got Baptized at sea world!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich J Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Stolen from a band called Chaos Days..... Savage but......Whats the difference between an apple and a baby.......You dont cum on a baby before you eat it..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Blackwell Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 yo mamma's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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