How Do You Put Bad Thoughts In The Back Of Your Mind?

[Barbra]

Well whenever I'm in a very good situation. IE a good relationship, i can't help but think of the worst that could come out of it. Only if I'm with my missus am i happy, any other time I'm thinking she'd be flirting with other people, and that there'll be someone better trying to get with her. As many lads do fancy her. (This isn't a trust issue between me and the missus, because I've always been like this) And because of this, I've never had a relationship last longer than 5 weeks. So how do i go about putting these thoughts in the back of my mind? It really gets me down, and I'll be honest upset too.

I wouldn't ask this if it i didn't think it was necessary to find some decent advice, because i really like this girl.

If anyone is going to reply with a bitchy comment, or a degrading comment thats sure to start an argument keep it to yourself. I'm seeking real advice for a genuine problem.

Thanks all.

[Dr. Nick Riviera]

get some self esteem?

or as i think it may be, you just have trust issues with all girls?

[Ash-Kennard]

just stop giving a shit.

[Barbra]

get some self esteem?

or as i think it may be, you just have trust issues with all girls?

I pretty much think it could be both. I only get like this when i know alot of lads like my girlfriend though...Is this bloody normal?

It pisses me off.

EDIT: Could you elaborate Ash? How can i stop giving a shit?

Edited July 13, 2007 by Barber

[BONGO]

it may work in reverse. If i explain, i mean that, the reason it's lasting a short time, is actually becasue you aren'te right together, or you're not actually happy even though superficially you do.

If you do meet a bird who is more "right", then you will last, and you also will have trust there to relax when you're not together.

99.9% loved my ex. She is f**king gorgeous, but with the trust in the relationship, you know that even if people tried to do something, which happened whenever we went anywhere, it'd be cool as she'd tell them to do one.

You're always gonna have the troubles of trust while you're in education. Once school, college and uni is over, you become an adult without realising, and you change a massive amount. You realise how relationships should be and act different in them.

Relax, and think if you even want a bird! You don't need one, so do you actually want one. I know i don't at the moment, so i'm happy as f**k single!

[Barbra]

it may work in reverse. If i explain, i mean that, the reason it's lasting a short time, is actually becasue you aren'te right together, or you're not actually happy even though superficially you do.

If you do meet a bird who is more "right", then you will last, and you also will have trust there to relax when you're not together.

Hmm suppose it could be Bongo.

When I'm with this girl though, were so comfortable together. As though we've been seeing each other ALONG time. When really we havn't been seeing each other that long.

I think i should give it a few more weeks and hope it gets better.

Edited July 13, 2007 by Barber

[Ash-Kennard]

EDIT: Could you elaborate Ash? How can i stop giving a shit?

a good start is by losing all dignity and just not let people opinions affect you in anyway. just dont think about other people, the more self centered you become the less you will care about other people besides those close to you.

but as bongo said, maybe you two just aren't right.

[BONGO]

Trust is really really hard to build, and works both ways. So be open about it. It takes a lot longer than 5 weeks to trust your gf. All this "i love you" after a month is bollocks too. You barely know each other in that time. You can care about them but it's hard to fall in love! You definately can't do that until you have found how to trust them, which just takes event's and experiences over and over and over. Each thing you do will add a little trust to your trust bucket until it's full! lol. It's a hard bucket to fill but it happens after a long time! Then you move onto the love bucket

Only when you're in love can you pile the weight on and not care, and be perfectly happy while totally hating her hahaha.

Blimey, off on a tangent there! Basically, it takes a long time to trust them, but you have to start with the initial impression that they give, whether you can THINK you can trust them. Once you have that, you can build on it until you KNOW you can.

Bongo

[Greetings]

Don't want to sound harsh, but if you've never been in a relationship for more than 5 weeks, stop caring so much. It's probably not a proper relationship anyway, which you'll realize once you really do fall in love (and then you'll trust your partner).

Just give it some time man, you're at the age where you can be careless and get away with it. Take advantage of that while you can.

[Dan6061]

Do you honestly think she'll do stuff like that?

Just ask yourself that.

If you're still wondering after that...maybe you shouldn't be with her...

[Barbra]

I think I'll just chill out and give it some time then. Its like I'm always afraid of being hurt, so i look for something thats gonna' hurt me so i can prepare for it. But then end up screwing it all up. I just need to let my guard down I'm thinking.

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far..its been a good help.

Don't worry about being harsh Inur.

EDIT: Dan, I'm sure she wouldn't go behind my back or anything. But when I'm not riding or not with her. All my mind seems to replay is how much it'd hurt if she did..etc..

Edited July 13, 2007 by Barber

[BONGO]

it's always a risk, but you gotta go into it 100% or there is no point. It'll work or it'll hurt real bad.

If it's worth the risk try being with someone. But not anyone. It takes me forever to find someone i can be with for a decent amount of time! I've only found one in my 24 years that i've spent almost 2 years with, with the usual plenty of shiezers on the way and since who are cool for a week or something, but it's tough to find one that actually changes you for the better. And it's even harder if you have a happy life already, you gotta find someone who is gonna actually improve your already happy life!!

f**kin birds! Tossers! They piss you off when you're with them, and piss you off even more when you're not! I'm a happy mutha fudger now as a single b*****d! Do what i want, spend all i want, eat all i want, be a lazy 'tard, do f**k all when i wanna do f**k all! Love it!

[Barbra]

it's always a risk, but you gotta go into it 100% or there is no point. It'll work or it'll hurt real bad.

If it's worth the risk try being with someone. But not anyone. It takes me forever to find someone i can be with for a decent amount of time! I've only found one in my 24 years that i've spent almost 2 years with, with the usual plenty of shiezers on the way and since who are cool for a week or something, but it's tough to find one that actually changes you for the better. And it's even harder if you have a happy life already, you gotta find someone who is gonna actually improve your already happy life!!

f**kin birds! Tossers! They piss you off when you're with them, and piss you off even more when you're not! I'm a happy mutha fudger now as a single b*****d! Do what i want, spend all i want, eat all i want, be a lazy 'tard, do f**k all when i wanna do f**k all! Love it!

I see what your saying. Thanks alot guys!

Plus its always good to have an older chap like Bongo as your mate to help you out with shiz like this. Cheers especially to you Bongo

[PaRtZ]

If you've had bad experiances in the past, then its perfectly normal to feel nervous about your girlfriend seeing someone else. If it happened last time, how do you know it wont happen again?

BUT thats why you have to be sure you can trust someone enough to love them and give them that love unconditionly. When that happens, your relationship will just get stronger and stronger from that and in the end you'll look back and think "it was stupid of me not to trust her". You defintly cant expect this to happen overnight it does take AGES and in the normality of life, theres no quick way of solving this.

I compleltly trust my girlfriend and she completly trusts me too. Everytime she says shes going out with her girl mates, I never bat an eyelid and vice versa. But thats taken 4 years of knowing her and 3 years (off and on) of seeing her.

It takes time, but its worth it If she finds out that you think she might cheat on you though, 90% of the time she'll get pissed at you so dont let her see this thread haha

[Barbra]

Cheers partz, i'm feeling alot better after reading this thread. At least i now know its normal to have sort of doubts at first, i just need to be a bit more trusting

Yeah two of my girlfriends cheated on me. In a row. Fantastic huh? lol

Luckily she doesn't know about TF haha.

[AdamR28]

Yeah two of my girlfriends cheated on me. In a row. Fantastic huh? lol

Not really

You just have to put that down to them being twats, as Ognob said you'll find someone who you click with at some point - but it does take time to build up trust.

[downhill_rob2@hotmail.com]

Just think about sex and capowie! the thought are in the back of your head!

[Barbra]

Not really

You just have to put that down to them being twats, as Ognob said you'll find someone who you click with at some point - but it does take time to build up trust.

Sarcasm Ad.

Not exactly portrayed well over the tinternet i suppose

Thanks for everyones help once again . I'll stop posting now, i feel the advice i have is sufficient

[AdamR28]

Sarcasm Ad.

Double sarcasm

But yeah, t'internet doesn't really do it justice, haha.

[Pekr!]

Just think about sex and capowie! the thought are in the back of your head!

If thats your perspective on life, I dred to imagine your relationships.

[omgnoseat]

I have the same problem as you, I can't stop thinking about the worst that can happen, and thats not only with relationships, but with just everything

It's gone to a point where it's really starting to ruin my life, totally f**king myself up, with panic attacks with almost no reason, just because I start thinking ''oh my god what would happen if I would get a panic attack now''

And more things like that..

May sound a bit stupid and pathetic, but this is just how it is..

Not too drift off too much, about the gf thingy..

My gf knows how I am very well, also about the low self esteem and the fear of doing something wrong in the relationship

Because of this she knows how to gain more trust with me in the relationship, it's going very well

Nice posts by Bongo aswell btw

[poopipe]

just stop giving a shit.

that is seriously the best bit of advice you could get and it doesn't really require much explanation.

as soon as you think some bad stuff just do something to distract yourself.

oh.

it's not low self esteem, it's paranoia - low self esteem is what makes you have sex with ugly girls.

[BONGO]

it's not the best advice at all. It's shit advice that someone who doesn't really "get" how he is feeling. You can't turn feelings off...

[poopipe]

it's not the best advice at all. It's shit advice that someone who doesn't really "get" how he is feeling. You can't turn feelings off...

no, but you can prevent them taking over and f**king stuff up.

I've been through it all as well (probably more than most given my age and the fact my missus lived abroad for 8 months at a time during the first 3 years of our relationship) and I've come out the other side smelling of roses by accepting that what happens in my head is in no way connected to what happens in real life - as soon as you have that little revelation you realise that it does you no good dwelling on things that a: you have no control over and b: probably haven't happened.

[BONGO]

no, but you can prevent them taking over and f**king stuff up.

I've been through it all as well (probably more than most given my age and the fact my missus lived abroad for 8 months at a time during the first 3 years of our relationship) and I've come out the other side smelling of roses by accepting that what happens in my head is in no way connected to what happens in real life - as soon as you have that little revelation you realise that it does you no good dwelling on things that a: you have no control over and b: probably haven't happened.

yeah that's cool, i can agree with that. But that's not "not giving a shit" it's understanding what is happening in reality, and possibly is actually giving a shit so much that you pick apart what you mind is doing and what you know for real, and then seperating the two so that you can relax and trust your partner .

You can't not give a shit about a worry, otherwise it wouldn't be a worry! The key like you say, is to understand what is actually going on, despite what your mind may run away with, with the help of mild paranoia towards certain subjects.

Bongal