poopipe Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 I've lost a bit over half a stone over the last couple of months for no good reason other than that I've had a couple of doses of the man-flu. I want my half stone back cos my trousers keep falling down.I don't want to get unhealthy fat but I want to get myself back up to a sensible level (ie. not underweight) so has anyone got any tips to help someone with a ridiculously high metabolic rate (and a sprained ankle) to gain weight? I'm making an effort to drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of bread, beef, pies, sausages, potatoes, cheese and paté at the moment but I seem to be burning it off faster than I can eat it - even though I'm not doing a great deal of exercise.anyway, yeahhelp me get fat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Quigley Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 stop masturbatin/having sex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 if you want fat, just eat tons of food! Pizza's crisps in between meals, cakes, biscuits, snacks, loads of carbs just before bed, sugar, buy bigger bowls for the house and use them instead of your normal ones. It's easy. Eat everythinig you want to eat and more! Feel full all the time.If however you want to put on good weight, eat protein. Eat normal, but eat more protein as well.I'm a fan of the first choice.Brush your teeth more though Bongo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 Buy a belt.Or eat cake, lots of cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A!! Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 I've been trying to put on weight for ages now, and i find it really hard to haha. Although lately i've put on a bit of weight, just did what Bongo said with the lots of protein, i also did more weight training, and drank more milk haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted July 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 (edited) stop masturbatin/having sex?7 month old baby - no time for either lifting weights is just gay so I can't do that. I guess my best bet is to carry a load of meat around with me and eat it constantly then ? Edited July 7, 2007 by poopipe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Clark Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 Have some kind of crazy body swap operation with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 7 month old baby - no time for either lifting weights is just gay so I can't do that. I guess my best bet is to carry a load of meat around with me and eat it constantly then ?drink tons of milkshake, eat chicken butties, roast chicken, chicken legs from asda, chinese chicken etc, 5 legs for a quid and all that. Really tast and good for weight gain. Eggs, fried, scrambled, anything, steaks, tuna, f**kin yoghurts, icecream, cakes. I don't know how you can't put weight on. i put weight on looking at a cake!!! I don't give a f**k like, i love it. Just eat f**king anything!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted July 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 (edited) drink tons of milkshake, eat chicken butties, roast chicken, chicken legs from asda, chinese chicken etc, 5 legs for a quid and all that. Really tast and good for weight gain. Eggs, fried, scrambled, anything, steaks, tuna, f**kin yoghurts, icecream, cakes. I don't know how you can't put weight on. i put weight on looking at a cake!!! I don't give a f**k like, i love it. Just eat f**king anything!!!!!!!!that's my problem though - I eat whatever I feel like and plenty of it. I'm not really into sweet stuff but I eat a couple of bigass pork pies and 12 or so pints of guiness on average a week and none of it seems to be making any impact.I spose I just need to up my game a bitHave some kind of crazy body swap operation with me.can I keep my wang? I've become quite attached to it Edited July 7, 2007 by poopipe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Clark Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 Only if I can keep my boobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Kearns Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 Does it not depend on your metabolism on how much you put on weight ?Ive heard the lower the metabolism the more weight you put on and the high the metabolism the less weight you put on. Think thats true.My mate. He's 5ft 9. Eats more than anything ive seen. Yet he's only 9 stone and skiny as a rake. Drinks a hell of alot to. He hasnt put any weight on for the past 2 years either. He's not exactly athletic either.Yet my other mate. He's 6ft, 15 stone. Eats not very much, yet puts on loads of weight and has done for the past few month.Danny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 yeah it matters a lot, hence why pootube needs to eat extra shite to make a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaRtZ Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 im the same poopyI eat pure junk food and lots of it. during weekdays when I get an hour dinner break, ill eat my premade lunch and then go to subway for a footlong, maybe footlong and a half. It sounds funny but im starting to get embarrassed going there now as they'll know me by my first name Its difficult to put on weight if you're not "supposed" to. Some people just eat a bar of chocolate and become fat. Best thing to do is consult a dietician to be fair. but if you cant be arsed: pizza, burger, and more importantly beer to gain instant beer bellyage and make those trousers fit as f*ckgood luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mod Man Leo Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 (edited) Eat LOADS of nuts, seriosely works,No shitNUTS!!!!All cinds, Remember?EAT NUTS U NUT!!!Dust, anybody? no?Dust, anybody? no?Dust, Anybody no?Dust! Edited July 8, 2007 by Mod Man Leo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Quigley Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Protein Shakes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilikeriding Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 (edited) that's my problem though - I eat whatever I feel like and plenty of it. I'm not really into sweet stuff but I eat a couple of bigass pork pies and 12 or so pints of guiness on average a day and none of it seems to be making any impact.I spose I just need to up my game a bitcan I keep my wang? I've become quite attached to it Edited July 8, 2007 by afroman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Protein ShakesNow, i agree, they can aid weight gain if used correctly, and also in conjunction with other factors, such as eating enough during the rest of the day, when the protein milkshake isn't doing anything in the body.For protein intake to actually have an effect on weight gain, you need to have an intake of at least 1gram per lb of body weight. This usually equates to 140 - 190grams of protein every day.A protein milkshake, at it's most, will give you 50grams. This is also about the limit that your body can absorb and digest at any one time. Anymore than this and you'll just pass it through, doing no good at all.You need to break your total up over 5 or 6 meals per day at about 30 to 40 grams each. This way you get to absorb the most protein each sitting which will do the most good.So...If you aren't doing this, a protein milkshake a day will turn out to be a real costly waste of time. A protein milkshake is nothing more than a conveient way to get 30+ grams of preotein into your body in a minute. Rather than eating tuna/eggs/chicken etc. I've used them for years while body building and for the average person, the cost far out weighs the result. Not worth it for joe bloggs in my reasonably experienced opinion.Bongo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robwalker Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Why not just buy some new jeans instead of spending all this money on food? =S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Be happy that your thin!I can't shed any more weight, I like eating too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squince Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 maximusle weight gain?Creatine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 maximusle weight gain?Creatineno point without the right amount of protein.And maximuscle weight gain and all them are just protein/carbs in a convenient form. Nothing special, just very expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish-Finger-er Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 creatine is pretty much a waste without a high protein diet exceeding your normal diet by about 600 or more calories per day. and even then, a fair chunk of it is still faux weight, in the form of water retention,all it technically does is allow nutrients get into the muscle cells better/quicker, and as the bodys transport medium is water, it allows water to get into the muscles better and quicker.may sound like a stupid point, but starve yourself(not literally, but severely cut down your food intake,for say 36 hours, then after that eat like normal+ a bit more) the body thinks theres a famine going on, and then when it gets the chance, it will pile on any weight it can do, as energy reserves ready for the next none existant famine.other than that, just do little stuff, order prawn crackers with your chinese, scampi fries with every 3rd pint(once you get onto the scampi fries, its a slow road downhilll into obesity, you could eat them till you die). buy a bag of fudge to munch on the drive back from doin the weekly shop.eat pasta/bread/potato based/anything high in carbs late at night. dont order chilli sauce on your kebab, it speeds up your metabolism, go for a nice creamy garlic mayo instead, and bollox to it, you might as welll lose the salad, and have an extra large kebab. go to a john barras pub for lunch, go buy the burger and chips deal for £3.25, then double up your burgers for a quid, £4.25, and you get 4 1/4 pounders in a big pun, chips, and side salad.basically ive listed everything that put me from 13.5 stone when i left school to near enough 18 when i finished college.and funnily enough, when you reach 18 stone, you dont have to try to stop having sex, it just happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishy Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Steriods? I'm sure you won't be bothered dropping down to 11"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BONGO Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 Steriods? I'm sure you won't be bothered dropping down to 11"...Again, no point witht the correct protein rich diet, and hard training, otherwise you will just put on bulk, fatten out and then lose it all within 2 months once you finish your course, back to square one.Steroids aren't something to just decide to have one day. They need research, planning and thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishy Posted July 8, 2007 Report Share Posted July 8, 2007 What about the crispy shit around kfc chicken? Just eat that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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