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Again, I know what you mean, JD. Even nearly three years later I still feel as though I've lost the most meaningful person in my life. I still regularly dream about her, think about her, and so on and there's still a part of me that holds onto a hope of some sort. I also compare new females to her which isn't good - she's like the benchmark. Some of us are just committed like that I guess although I've never been like this with any other girlfriend. I found it particularly difficult because I knew we had a connection that neither of us had shared with anyone else and when other things seemed more important to her in a relationship it kind of made me feel that the problem was just her not realising what was important [the connection] and either I needed to show her this or she might realise it at some point in the future. This was overly idealistic though. Those feelings that really compelled me to try and change what had happened did reduce after a couple of months though. Within that period we also had communications that weren't always pleasant and I made efforts to change things which didn't work and only caused me to feel worse probably because I would then get a stark reminder that it wasn't going to happen. I would say that communication isn't worth it particularly because your personality sounds like mine in this regard. Such strong and committed feelings need space to reduce. Contact just keeps those feelings big. I've just had to severe, again, communication with Kam even after those three years because contact with her inspires feelings that interrupt my studies and get in the way of me meeting somebody else meaningful. I'm still sceptical of meeting somebody as meaningful as her in the future but I still have to let go because it just isn't going anywhere. Not accepting that just causes more suffering. I hope the above helps in some sense. Perhaps what works/worked for me isn't the same for you but you sound very similar to how I felt. It's really important to see the intense feelings at this juncture as temporary. They will reduce to something much more manageable in the near future. Just see them as a type of flu or something that you know you have to have a patience with because it's beyond your control. Keep on about it in here though. Getting it out in whatever sense is really important.

I feel your pain, mate. When I broke up with Kam I ended up losing a stone in weight within a couple of weeks from not eating and sleeping. Embarrassingly, but for your amusement, I would even walk the streets listening to melancholy music and crying I just didn't know what to do or how to deal with it because the feelings were so intense. I'd lost my best friend and more. The first month or two was awful and very clichéd like you say. It was actually the worst experience of my life so far. I remember talking about it on here a lot which definitely helped. I did however find that aerobic exercise and spending as much time with friends gave me some respite from my feelings even if they did return at other points. Maybe you should think about getting right back into your running or utilizing that gym you were working at?

yeah can't be bothered to join in actually

Out of interest, why won't saint cranks work on a TGS/comp trials bike?

That's an oldie but a goodie.

Sorry chaps but it's all fallen through on our end. Despite starting the thread myself and Old Man James can't make it. Have a good one though!

That's some sad news. I saw a video of him talking about his cancer at the start of the year. He mentioned that his chances were quite low. There was something about him that made me think he would survive though. I didn't really appreciate the type of person he became to be honest. I much preferred his politics prior to his embedding in the US mainstream media. I think the motives behind his political positions were questionable. His arguments against religion, as with Dawkins, usually involved straw men. Within debates about religion he could be quite specious with rhetoric and unkind to those whom he debated with. None the less, he was clearly an astute man whom gets my respect in many senses.

That was actually my favourite yet. Digging all those bunnyhops and it was cool to see you nail that 3 down the steps. It looks like you're really getting to grips with that style of street riding

Anyone potentially game for a ride in Reading on Sunday? Myself and Old Man James are thinking about hitting it up.

Thanks again for all your comments! Cheers for that. I'm definitely going to check all that stuff out. Rowan was saying about magic lantern to me on Friday actually. Sounds like a worthy upgrade.

That sounds cool. Unfortunately I'm not competent enough to achieve something like that myself It needs to be off the shelf. Maybe I could pay Tarty to do what you've said though; might be an idea...

I'm just wondering if one of these exists? I know Mark W has a non-disc (ns bikes I think) hub but I couldn't find an equivalent with a disc mount. Anyone have any recommendations or know anything? My rims are reaching the end of their lives and I want to start sorting something new out but with a more burly front hub if possible. It's a shame you can't get the skye forks separately

Thanks for all the kind words. They're very encouraging When I use the slow-mo I'm almost always listening to the needs of the music. What I value most in editing is getting the tunage and visuals to have a coordinated dance together and sometimes slow-mo, to me, definitely seems suitable You can definitely see the differences between clips in that video which I've used manual settings on; particularly the white balance. Actually it was after seeing the warmth and quality of your shots on the tour that I partly became motivated to understand manual settings - so thanks for that. Prior to that I'd been very lazy about it all. With regards to the proper video, my need for it is mostly about myself and my perfectionism; also how I set targets which motivate my daily riding. I pretty much have a video edited in my head consisting of the lines where I'm riding at my limits both technically and dangerously. It pretty much ignores other people although I wouldn't try to say that I don't enjoy being appreciated by people but my first thoughts are always around how I can make something that satisfies my, I hope, realistic imagination My main problem with getting this video sorted is not having a dedicated filmer. I really hate asking people in the midst of their rides to film me. Although I do do that I just don't do it very much and when people are filming, I put loads of pressure on myself and tend to ride really badly. My non-riding friend actually wants to film me for enjoyment so that will hopefully allow me the space to get done what I want. I also want it to be consistent in production quality. No dead looking colours, too much camera wobble, etc. These things are all achievable given the right amount of time and effort.

Ahoy, Another video but this time with a mixture of clips some of which I wanted to use for that illusive 'proper' video but decided, on the shortcomings of the filming, exposure, white balance, etc. that I would just get rid of them. My videos in the future, I hope, will possess a greater production value. I'm actually starting to grasp manual settings now; I've got a glidecam and I've got a few lenses to play around with. I've also managed to recruit a non-riding friend as a dedicated filmer. I'm really looking forward to maybe getting that illusive video done Video is still waiting to convert but I'm popping out so thought I'd sort this first. Enjoy!

It's an ocd if you become anxious and overly preoccupied at not having things tidy. organised, etc. My mum has an ocd for cleanliness. If she becomes aware of a mess she won't be able to stop thinking about it or relax until it's done. There's a definite difference between appreciating tidiness and feeling good about it against needing tidiness in order to feel okay or get away from feeling bad. This made living with my mum very difficult when you have a more relaxed notion about mess...

Nice computer game music Superb as standard.

This forum has such a schoolyard mentality. I guess that's never going to change though. Everyone loves a bit of elitism if it elevates their sense of self.

Working all day I'm afraid. Shame you didn't come up today; the weather was awesome.

Myself and Swindon James are intending to ride. Haven't had any confirmations from any other locals yet though.

Good shizzle m' nizzle. No doubt.

My experience seemingly supports FamilyBiker. Two pairs of the old gusset prison bars and two pairs of bmx bars I had all bent rather than snapped and supposedly they weren't heat treated whereas the newer prison bars (without the brace), that are supposedly heat treated, just snapped. This happened when I pulled up for a bunnyhop which is in one of the videos I made last year. They didn't show any signs of being bent leading up to that. I wouldn't like to make an absolutist statement but I thought that was the general behavior of those materials when treated as such even if the heat treatment does make them strong they will snap rather than bend when they do go? I should note that I also don't really know what I'm talking about

Actually it can work but you need a stupidly fast machine to compensate for that fact it doesn't naturally support it. Encoding tends to be a bit unreliable as well. You're not a business so torrent it. I think you might be a student though (?) and this entitles you to the, sometimes, 90% savings on Adobe products...

I use Adobe Premiere CS5 which I would definitely recommend. Importantly though, in terms of encoding, you want to output with a H.264 (.mov or .mkv file type container) or windows media video(.wmv)codec. Feel free to message me about settings next time you make a video if you want. I'm looking forward to the next one though

Loved the riding. Very unpredictable. Just what I need prior to heading out by myself this evening. The video encoding was terrible though. Sometimes everything was just a blur. If you're not using variable bitrate then I suggest changing to that but also you should just crank the bitrate up anyway. Broadband is basically the norm so it doesn't matter if your video file ends up sizable.

Have a stretch before bed time; as in right beforehand. I do this every night. The mind and body are connected and the loosening of one should loosen the other. If this doesn't work then when you are lying in bed turn your attention to three different visual items (the wardrobe, the lamp, etc). Just study them, not with language but just experience their qualities. Spend a few minutes on each item. Then move onto three different sounds (your breath, the wind, etc.). Finally, turn your attention to three different bodily sensations (your breath again, your fingers - the area of the brain is particularly good for inducing sleep). Remember, try to just experience them rather than thinking about them. I used to use this technique, before I came to meditation which sorted my sleeping problems out, and found it to be effective. Alternatively, and this is the technique I use each night which comes from my yoga practice, when you are lying in bed, scan through the different parts of your body. Begin with the feet, move onto the ankles, the lower legs, the upper legs, and so on being aware of your breath at the same time and even sending it into the area you are 'scanning', if you are able, and perhaps spend 3-5 breaths for each area. If you get to your head then repeat. Usually I fall asleep before I reach my head though. The point with both these techniques is that they shut down the intellect by just experiencing rather than reacting with ideas to what one is paying attention to. Probably your intellect (that internal voice that classifies everything) will keep distracting you but if you keep coming back to just experiencing a certain sight, sound or your body eventually it gives up. This may actually work for you straight away but it may take some practice. Alternatively, if you are really desperate, then meditation teaches one to drop the intellect more consciously but this is a more committed practice.