I thought it would be funny to type in Retard into my sat nav and see where i ended up, put the kettle on i'm outside!
What do you call a chav in a padded cell?
Safe!
What do 9v batteries and a**holes have in common? You know you shouldnt lick em but you do anyway!
My missus said to me "i want something shiny and does 0-200 in a split second." so i brought her the bathroom scales!
Lady gaga said she is dropping facebook for charity, i think she should drop her knickers for clarity!
I have LOTS more but the rules forbid me to post them!