Man driving down road, woman is driving up the same road. They pass eachother, man shouts out the window 'COW!', woman yells out window 'willy'. Woman drives around the corner and crashes into a huge cow, and she dies. If only women would listen A couple were sitting up, waiting for their sixteen year old son to come home. He eventually came in, with the biggest smile on his face. "hi mum, dad. Guess what? I've just had sex for the first time, it was GREAT!" His dad says "That's great son! To celebrate i'll buy you that bike you wanted. But you'll have to wait until payday. "Thats ok Dad," His son responded... "I can't ride it yet, my ass is still sore!" What did 50 cent say when snoop gave him a handmade jumper? G, u knit? After her outburst on breakfast television, a psychologist has denounced that Heather McCartney is clearly unbalanced. Sir Paul has phoned in saying 'normally a couple of beermats under her left foot does the trick' When David Beckham scores, i drink Becks. When Paul Scholes scores, i drink Skol. When Tommy Miller scores, i drink Miller. Thank goodness David Seaman was a goalie! The 6 Truths of life: 1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots after reading the first truth try it. 3. The first truth is a lie 4. You're smiling now, because you're an idiot. 5. You will soon be telling this to another idiot. 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face. Paddy says to Mick one morning "Can you help me with this jigsaw? It's meant to be a tiger!" Mick says "put the sodding frosties back in the box you thick twit!"