Pashley26

Just went through my phone, setting up iMessages on my iPad. I sent this to a girl last night. "I said what I meant, I meant what I said, I’m hung like an elephant, Just bring me to bed." An adaptation of a poem from Dr. Seuss's cat in the hat. Dafuq.

I am most pleased with my choice of car today.

I no longer find drunk middle aged women attractive. The f**k is wrong with me.

JD clearly means me. Having spent four years of my life in a relationship, and then apart from an 8 month break of going around smashing everything for a mad while I was with someone (who was also mental) for two years. Not everyone wants to be like me, but I think it's all part of being young and working out what you want. The drama that comes of falling in love with one night stands and learning how to deal with it certainly strengthens you and makes you a more reasonable person when a relationship does fall into place. Until you hit 25 you need to have a couple of years worth of being a slag. IMO.

Today was a good day to change company cars. I have had a diesel 500L trekking and not paying for it for the last few months. Since getting the A3 I haven't needed it. Last week I was offered the MX5 as the lad who works for Mazda is moving to Hyundai. Seeing as I live less than a mile from work, it makes sense for me to have the most uneconomical car we sell. So the A3 is up for sale (after the stroke of luck/profit of the Honda) cheapest S-Line in the coubtry, £5250.

Treat her mean. Act like you don't want it, and as soon as she thinks you don't want it watch her jump up on it. If the above doesn't happen...Well let's not go there.

Woke up this morning to massive boobs, a blow job and bacon and eggs on toast. f**k. Yeah.

Sent that twice by mistake, but seeing as it is doubly important I don't want to edit it.

f**k a friend of hers. f**k a friend of hers.

EP has failed it's MOT on an almighty 9 things. Suspension bushes, low discs and pads two tires, emissions, hole in the exhaust, airbag inoperable and SRS light on, headlights have broken adjusters. Sooooooooold.

It sounds SOOOOO fast, I felt like I was in an episode of Best Motoring International. Then I looked down. Hopefully it passes it's MOT, if so then great. Otherwise I've been offered £1000 for it if it fails, and I am sure I can sell the Vtec controller on for £150. Which I think is the best option. I've done about 150 miles in it today, really enjoyed thrashing the bajesus out of it to be honest. The engine is a cracking little unit, shame the rest of the car around it is shit. It's been spot on today, cannot fault it.

And just because. It sounds SO FAAAAAST but it really isn't. Anyway, the MOT runs out tomorrow. I assume it will fail on lots, if it looks like it needs more than £300's worth of work I'll sell it. In the mean time, I'm going to thrash the crap out of it today whilst I can.

I promise you I never will. I think I'll be able to double my money on it without even filling out the logbook though, I've already been offered £800 from one of the mechanics at work. The MOT runs out tomorrow, and it has no tax. I've told him for a grand he can have it. We'll see. I wasn't joking. It's really shit. History is good.

I do. It came in PX for £500. So I had to buy it as a cheap bit of fun.

When I said EK9, I meant EP3. I don't know why I wrote EK9. Anyway, it's really shit. 134k, loads of owners, bodywork is trashed, interior is ruined. But it's got vtecyo and it was £500.

S2FOOOOUUZAAAAND. Oh, I have bought an EK9.

I once invented something as world changing as this. I even had my invention made into small scale production and approached loads of companies about it. They all said I was an idiot. It was a tie that had a slit cut into the back of it which was double stitched. So you could simply button the inside of your tie to your shirt to stop your tie flapping around. I still have some. I think they are AMAZING.

Or a Honda Accord. Hugely under estimated luxury load lugger.

You need a Passat or a Skoda Octavia estate Mark.

I used to get it in my A3 sometimes. Used to get the odd person comment at petrol stations saying it is an odd choice of car. A front mount tends to get you a lot of attention from people in the know.

Why are you buying off the shelf springs anyway? The amount of abuse your car gets I would have thought you would have a set of heavy duty springs made for you.

I know it does. I remember picking it up with you. From some bloke who looked like a rapist in Arundel.

Every time I look at them I think of a trigger wheel and pray that you are turbo'ing the Mini again. Haha.

I had some realllllly good times hanging out in retail estates with car people. No Rice started it off for me, then SW Oldschool, then I started the SW Dubs meets. Met some cracking friends at car park meets. No Rice used to be 200 cars strong back in the day, 30/40 cars at SW Oldschool and the same amount at SW Dubs. The only really twattish behavior I have seen was at a SW Oldschool meet where a bunch of old blokes in Porsches turned up, all the young kids in 20Vt Mk2's and the like rolled out quietly, then this precession of Porsches did burnouts and donuts and went smoking up the road flat out. If you want to avoid the twats then turn up early, go home before 10.

No they aren't.